What Women Really Want: Sexual Fantasies, Seduction, and Relationships | Sadia Khan PT 1

I'm Tom Bilyeu, and this is Impact Theory. I've been saying this for a while. We are in a full-on mating crisis. Too many people are caught up in what looks good on Instagram instead of focusing on the building blocks that actually make a relationship work.

These are knowable things, and they start with understanding the difference between men and women. And if we do not get this right and the sexes keep pulling farther and farther apart, we are going to end up in a really dark and lonely place. My guest today enumerates all of what is going on, and I am blown away every time I sit down with her. She is somebody that truly sees the essence of men and women clearly, and what is happening in this exact moment in time, not only what's happening, but exactly what we're gonna need to do to get out of this.

So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Sadia Khan. Here's the thing. I couldn't be attracted to a man who's not successful only because the qualities it takes to be unsuccessful in this day and age. You have to be relatively lazy, and you have to be, because there's so many opportunities to education or to online marketing or something like that.

So I don't like the traits that keep a man unsuccessful. I like the traits of a successful man. But the reality is, the more a woman is physically attracted to you, the more she makes access to her easy. The more physically attracted she is to you, access becomes easy.

The less attractive to you, the more barriers become available. So that's why I think that when she's placing barriers there, there's a lack of physical attraction. So you are overcoming physical attraction to access her, and then you run the risk of her being physically unfaithful. So that's why I don't recommend it.

Yeah, that's so interesting. I've heard you say that rich men get cheated on more than... That's so interesting. Okay, we'll get to that in a second.

So here's, to your point, the reason that I think that the reality is slightly more complicated, certainly for guys, maybe for women, is that when, like, I, I, nobody expected me to do well. My mother, when I left for college, quietly assumed that I was going to fail. No, definitely not. So we were, we were on the border between middle class and lower middle class.

You had access to education? Public. Public, okay. And you went on to college?

Yes, I did. And took out loans and all that good stuff. But I didn't have discipline. And so I think there's a, you have to have ambition, discipline, and intellect.

Unfortunately, I wish that wasn't part of the equation, but it is. And if you have those three things, then you've got a chance to be successful. But nobody knows if you can develop drive. And so I had ambition, and thankfully I had intellect that maybe hadn't fully developed yet.

But no one was sure if I would develop drive. And I didn't develop drive until after I asked Lisa to marry me. She said yes. And then I started becoming very ashamed of myself because I was laying in bed four to five hours a day while she went to work.

And my only job was to make her a sandwich at lunch. And half the time, I was like scrambling to have it made by the time she got there and I was getting dressed or doing my hair. And she was mortified. So anyway, finally one day, I'm like, oh my God, I'm telling, I promised her dad I would make her rich one day.

I told her I'm going to make her rich one day. And nothing I'm doing is actually pointed in that direction. And that shame, that self-loathing was enough to get me moving. Then once I developed the discipline, then I was like, okay, now I can fucking do anything I want.

It's absolutely incredible. And so I became a person that was worthy of her respect and worthy of my own respect, quite frankly. And so that really made me a different person. Yeah.

And an attractive person. That's the reason why I think more traditional roles are very useful. So when Lisa and I got together, she was very traditional. She grew up in a traditional household.

Her family was Greek. Her dad told her, yeah, you can go study filmmaking or whatever you want. And he didn't mean this in a derogatory way. The greatest thing a woman can do with her life is become a wife and mother.

And so to honor the gods, that's how he thought of it. He did not think, oh, you're less than. To become the thing that is worth a man dying for, you will go become a wife and mother. It's the most beautiful thing you could do.

It's the greatest contribution to the world, to your family. Like people that denigrate, my wife doesn't have kids. I don't have kids. But to denigrate, motherhood is fucking insane.

So anyway, with love and joy and reverence in his heart, he was thinking you will become a mother. So enjoy your time. Yeah. So like, yeah, I said whatever you want.

And that really imprinted in my wife, even though she had big dreams, it imprinted in my wife that being a mother and being a wife is very honorable. And so when we got married, she thought, okay, you go be successful first. And then when we're successful enough, I'll chase my dream as well. And in that though, she had to work through me.

She didn't have a direct interface to the world with ambition and drive, but she had a husband. And she could incentivize her husband in her very powerful feminine ways. And the greatest explanation of this I've ever heard was in my big fat Greek way, when a woman said, your father may be the head, but I'm the neck. And I point him at whatever I want to point him.

That was my marriage. And so my wife pointed me at becoming the man that I've become and rewarded the things she liked. And I know it's probably a dumb word to use, but punished the things that we did. And to earn her respect and to get that look, that look that a woman gives when she thinks you're incredible, to earn that look, which is the greatest thing in the world, I became who I became.

Yeah. And it's super attractive to women. Because here's the thing, we are attracted to men that fulfill their potential. We're always attracted to a man that fulfills his potential.

When we see a man filled with potential and he's not using it, we naturally become less attractive. And it's one of the reasons why I find the younger generation where they make a lot of money on crypto and they make a lot of money quick, it's super unattractive to women. It only attracts very vacuous women. Because the reality is, the skills that you need and all the failures and the rejection and the setback, essentially you need them to build character.

When you get rich fast, you'll find these men bored in a gym at like 4 p.m. on a Wednesday because they don't really have a structured life or anything like that. And they feel unfulfilled as well. I would love to see long-term studies who's a man that made money quickly on crypto and in the future in terms of their mental health, I don't know how conducive it is because for men, they need to be somewhat, even for women, there needs to be some discomfort in order to stimulate your potential.

And these kind of quick fixes don't do it. So I do recognize that women are attracted to money, but good women are not attracted to money, they're attracted to the process of a disciplined, self-controlled man. But vacuous women are attracted to the outcome of the process and they just want to see you. They don't care if you're a drug dealer, they don't care if you're a crypto guy, they just want to see the lifestyle.

So you have to be careful how you make your money. Very interesting. Okay, so why do wealthy men get cheated on more? The selection of partners tend to be awful.

Now, unfortunately, you got very lucky you picked a partner before you made money, but unfortunately... I'm sure you did not get lucky. Oh, you didn't? No, no, no.

I went in with my eyes wide open. Amazing. That's the way to do it. What happens with rich men is they tend to, the reality is being super, super successful tends to require some level of social autism.

And what I mean by that is it requires a man who's happy to sacrifice social connections to just work, just get work done. So he tends to be a man with a small circle, small interaction, limited social skills, let's just get on with work. when it comes to her character and they focus entirely on her appearance. So they end up attracting women who just like his lifestyle, who don't care if there's a lot of emotional connection, won't mind that you're working 25 hours a day, eight days a week because she's got access to your credit card.

And that type of woman is completely different to the woman that begs you for a few days off so she can spend more time with you. So what happens is men that have simple jobs, simple careers, attract women who like quality time. Men that have very busy careers that take over their world, they attract women who just like the perks of being with you. And those women are so emotionally disconnected to you that cheating doesn't feel like anything to those women.

Whereas the women that be old with you and are emotionally connected to you crave quality time, they don't want that CEO lifestyle. So they filter themselves out. So you end up with a pool of women that are more likely to cheat. That's really interesting.

This is why people really have got to ask themselves the question, what is going to need to be true for this relationship to be worth the sacrifices? And if your answer is sex, you're in real trouble. And you have to ask yourself if your motivation for becoming rich is getting more women, you have to think about the quality of women. If you couldn't access her without money, then chances are any man with money can access her.

And if you can access her without money, she's your level. But if it takes money to access her, you are replaceable by the next man who's an ATM. So don't do it. Unfortunately.

We have to be realistic with our expectations. If you're a 4 out of 10 guy that happens to be a millionaire, the reality is a 10 out of 10 girl is still not going to be physically attracted to you. She's still going to just be attracted to your lifestyle. So she's more likely to still get her physical needs met elsewhere.

And the amount of women I see cheating on their rich husbands is unbelievable. The weird thing about this for me, and it may just be that you're right, and there's a self-selection bias for the female version of sociopathy, quite frankly, because typically, men cheat because they want a novel sexual experience, and women cheat because they want an emotional experience that they're not getting from their spouse. But this is a totally different thing. Yeah, because usually the emotional connection is limited when a man is so busy.

But I say rich men have it the same way beautiful women are more likely to be cheated on. And people are always confused by that because they'll say to a beautiful girl they get cheated on. You're so beautiful. How did he cheat on you?

And I always say you're the most likely to get cheated on if you're a beautiful woman. And the reason being is you've got to remember men are terrified of women and terrified of rejection. It's not a nice feeling. That man that is able to go to the 10 out of 10 in the club while they turn and turn out on the street and try and approach her and try and be with her is a man who wants women and wants beautiful women so much that he's able to forego his risk of rejection.

He really likes beauty. So that man is always going to be attracted to beautiful women. Beautiful women are a big value to him. He likes that.

That's an important outcome for him in his life. So when you're with a woman who's super beautiful chances are you've been with other beautiful women or beauty means a lot to you. You're willing to risk rejection for it. So unfortunately what happens to women is that shy, quiet, good, reserved man if she's really beautiful he won't approach her.

He doesn't care to go through the potential of rejection to get to her. But the guy that has plenty of women who really values sex really wants sexual intimacy really likes beauty is the only pool of men that come to her and that man is more likely to be unfaithful sexually. So beautiful women and rich men they're the most likely to be cheated on. That's really fascinating.

I don't think that's what people expect. I mean it's not necessarily the case all the time. But the reality is if I see a man and he's chosen a very very simple not so pretty girl doesn't look after herself that man has a libido that's different to a man that has a playboy body wife. He's libido's different.

He's the type of guy that's okay with average and isn't super super distracted by beauty and sex isn't the forefront of his mind. With a guy that's got the Swedish supermodel sex means something to him. Beautiful girls mean something to him. Accessing beauty is important.

He's more likely to stray. So the whole Red Pill movement with guys today feeling like they're pulling back the curtain on how the world really works and they're understanding these games with women what do you tell them? It's nonsense and put it all away and it's literally a disease that you've inserted into your brain. Genuinely.

How do you put it away? I've heard you say delete your dating apps. Because here's the thing with Red Pill you've got to understand that men that are successful with women don't actually watch Red Pill content. It's really a few of the men that have good success with women who select women wisely who have good healthy relationships they don't actually watch the Red Pill content that much.

It's the men that suffer with women are the ones. Either they've been hurt or they suffer in general they're bad at selection. They're the ones that listen to it. So what happens is the Red Pill content exaggerates their existing fears.

They usually have an underlying fear or bad or poor selection and the Red Pill content will tell them exactly what to fear how to fear and their strategies to avoid it. But it's not actually teaching them the skills and tools they need to create a good healthy relationship. It's just how to protect yourself against the evil that is women. And so it's really dangerous to them.

It actually doesn't help them overcome their shortcomings. It just exaggerates them and validates them quick break. We'll be back for more in just two seconds. Let's talk about money you're leaving on the table.

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Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash impact pod for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash impact pod. Let's get right back into it with Sadia Khan. It teaches them how to have lots of money and you'll get lots of girls.

Have a young girl that's half your age. That's what you want. These women are just there for life so of course they're going to cheat on you. Treat them and keep them keen.

Basically attract a broken woman. Have a woman with no standards who loves lifestyle, is a bimbo, doesn't intellectually challenge you. That's the woman you should be with. What is this nonsense?

How are you going to create a marriage out of that? That's what they teach them. So if you could be the empress of the red pill for a year, what are some of the lectures that we would give to try to get them back on track? They've got a base assumption that the woman is the enemy, that money is going to solve your problems.

If you've ever come across a woman that's your enemy, you're constantly getting used by them. They're cheating on you because you saw red flags and ignored them and went forward because your low self-esteem was driving your selection. process rather than your actual boundaries so it's entirely and utterly your fault there are terrible women everywhere in the world but if you are a man who's secure enough and willing to walk away when you see red flags or when you see your boundaries being crossed enough times you will never experience the wrath of a terrible woman you might come across them here and there you might get burnt here and there but you'll never really fall prey to it but i see men whose wives have you know stolen access to the children don't allow them any access taken all their money cheated on them but i always say to them even when it gets to that point she didn't become this woman yesterday she had all of the red flags from day one and they'll say yeah it's true she's to deprive her other ex of seeing her children or yeah she did use the date of being in and took half of his men all the red flags are pre-existing they don't come overnight you choose to ignore them oh she was talking to her ex when we first got together she had a boyfriend when we first met but i managed to steal her she showed you who she was you chose to ignore it you can't accept that you chose badly and you as a man failed yourself and now you want to believe that they're the enemy when really the enemy is your own low self-esteem so how do they raise it um problem solving this is what a man needs to do if you want to raise your self-esteem it's very simple you take all the problems you have in your life whether it's financial whether it's with women whether it's with connection and instead of seeking highs like if i'm missing out on women i could easily hire an escort and get the feeling of a woman or i can work on the skills i need to access good women i problem solve avoid while avoiding highs if i'm overweight i could easily just you know take a few pills and lose a few weight or get some surgery or i can learn the skills on how to have a myself far more and once i start to realize i have the ability to solve problems i start to trust my own judgment a lot more and know that if something goes wrong it's okay i'll fix it so if she walks away and if she doesn't like my boundaries no worries i'll find another one i'll be able to do it but the lack of ability to problem solve makes men feel overwhelmed and then they seek highs rather than solving problems why do we eat dating apps um i you know i said that but in reality i do understand it's very hard to be single it's really hard to be single i know it's super super hard to be single and find people and meet people in an organic way but unfortunately what dating apps does is it polarizes you where either you're have an abundance and illusion of options and you think everybody's replaceable and you just have very kind of minimal investment relationships and you replace people or you just get non-stop rejection and you start to really suffer in the form of and think fuck the dating apps i'm just going to go pay for an escort either way it distorts your self-image in some way shape or form you start thinking you're king of the castle because you're king of so many girls or but really most of the girls on there are also a bit you know lonely and desperate and maybe on the rebound or you start thinking you're the obvious man on the planet and you need to rely on um you know exports or something like that either way it damages the self-esteem there are lots of success stories and i don't completely forbid it but i do think there's dangers in dating apps so how do people today meet i wish i knew i wish i knew this is one thing i went through work yeah work-related and so mine was all investment related so i had that luxury but i really wish i knew because a lot of people come to me with this question what is a good way to meet people in la i don't know what it would be like in la is it bars and clubs or yeah we'll rule those out but um that isn't where i would start people so i would figure out because what you were saying at the beginning is so right you want to match somebody's values the reason that arranged marriages as much as i'm opposed to it um has some logic is that somebody who's been in marriage raised kids cares deeply about their kids they're gonna be like okay what are the real things that allow somebody to be long-term successful in marriage and it's going to be values it's going to be okay they share enough values they're going to be able to get along they're probably looking for people that are good at problem solving novel problem solving is arguably the greatest skill anybody got job and you know all of these educators it sounds like really boring stuff but this this is why i like your advice it is grounded in reality it's actually practical okay so um if we know that's really what people need to be doing in order to find somebody i would say what are your values what are the things you like and then go put yourself in those physical circumstances where you're going to be around those people like a gym or like a gym if that's your shtick but women i would say are very weird about being approached to the gym there's and look i don't go to the gym if you're attractive enough all the rules go down the drain unfortunately yeah unfortunately so here then what i will say is if you're a guy that's going to uh be impressive in the gym go there because you want to be somebody you're going to be impressive yeah in fact i've never said that out loud that's true here here is this is exactly how i got my wife i was her teacher right now it was a school for adults yeah very clear uh and i'm only three years old i was a teacher before as well yeah it's a good transition isn't it going from teaching to podcasting and stuff like that what's interesting for me there was uh like 15 years maybe almost 15 there is something in my freezer that i 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but i get why you say that um yeah you think you met your wife yeah so she saw me in a shared interest so she came to learn film i was teaching film so we both shared a deep passion and then she saw me at my best she saw me doing something where she was like oh yeah and then look here's something people hate but uh power dynamics is a whole thing and if i get it my wife and i are a me too story on a different timeline uh the good she's the only student i ever get on literally once and are you only like three or four years apart yeah three and a half years apart yeah so um that you want to find a circumstance like that where it's a thing like i really enjoy this thing and it gives me a chance to shine because you need a way for them to see what you're good at and what if you're not an impressive person you have to become impressive or you have to date down yes we have to date thems are your options yeah so my whole thing is and i know that the black pill community really hates the idea of maxing what's maxing where you go okay i'm gonna max my looks i'm gonna max my body i'm gonna max my whatever uh but that's the only thing that makes sense they just want you and look my dearest black pill people i get it yeah because you can't imagine how much it wounds my soul that i will never be as smart as elon musk yeah that really bothers me oh yes that causes me no small amount of pain the fact that you're smarter than like probably five billion people literally doesn't help it doesn't help not even a little bit the only thing that comes to my rescue is understanding the only thing that's torture is constantly lamenting that i'm not going to be a smart person so that's a waste of time if there's something i can do about it go do something about it and if there's not something i can do about it stop fucking worrying about it the whole game is how you feel about yourself and you buy yourself yeah that's it so if you focus on look if i were horribly burned and my iq were lower my life would be worse there's there's no way around and so i i get it but if that were my lot investing in how shitty it is is fucking stupid so as somebody who my heart the the way i'm expressing myself right now is because i love people and i want to see people be happy and i want to see them flourish and so i'm telling you it's fucking stupid because it won't help you be happy it won't help you find fulfillment so you've got to take on the jocko willing attitude i'm horribly burned good now what am i going to do with my life because i can't do it so either go become a scientist that fucking figures out how to deal with horrible burns or go be an author and uh or develop ready player one and create a world where your own physicality matters whatever but sitting at home lamenting it is the only thing that doesn't make sense so in my life i have a rule i only do and believe that which moves me towards my goals since my number one goal is to feel good about myself and i'm by myself i can't sit here and spend cycles worrying about the fact that i'm not smarter than i am is what it is so i'm going to maximize the intelligence that i have and i'm going to figure out okay if we can all get 100 times better literally everybody the guy with 98 iq can still get 100 times better because that's what the human brain does is it grows and adapts but you have to apply yourself so what would you say to men like not taking care of their weight or just not investing in themselves do they just have to should they just accept that they have to date down because what i find with my clients i'm not taking care of their appearance i've not kind of reached their potential what they end up doing is maybe marrying somebody that's in thailand or living in the philippines who needs a visa who needs somebody to kind of save her and her family and that's where they feel impressive so instead of maxing like out their potential they just go find somebody more dire that they can look impressive in front of do you think that's a strategy they can use it works but it feels like a very fragile strategy it usually doesn't work but that's what they think would work do you think in the meantime that gives them a false sense of self-esteem if it gives them uh i don't know that gives them a false sense of self-esteem you're actually able to help somebody and that is amazing the problem is once you've helped them then they're going to be like rad thanks bye but yeah here's the problem they think it will be an exchange for emotional intimacy and you can't actually buy emotional intimacy you can do everything else but you cannot buy emotional intimacy from a woman so though it makes them feel like a superhero they're expecting her to be genuinely in love with him and genuinely appreciate him and really he's a he's a he's a like kind of obama care plan so unfortunately it doesn't work that way and they suffer in the form of lowest obviously on the other end but it's something in the moment they can't help because it helps and that's why i see a lot of these passport bros have you heard of that concept it's men who give up on women in america so they take their passport and they'll go find a 90-day fiance elsewhere well yeah so that phenomenon i think breaks into different categories so what you're describing i hadn't heard about i didn't know that's a thing i would definitely uh while i think when you help somebody that is real if you're expecting that to lead to sex and a real relationship it's not going to um yes i think you need to date within your sexual market values you need to be honest with yourself one thing i've always pride myself on i don't lie to myself yeah and so um that that has rewarded me richly largely like as i got rich i did not even think about trying to find another woman i was like dude sharing life with somebody is the bomb and if somebody's with me for my money and they're super hot they're gonna be like i mean you've been talking about this they're gonna be with me not because they're attracted to me so what drives you if you don't you know you're in a monogamous relationship you're praise be to god i mean i don't know if you've ever seen your home but it's unbelievable um and so what drives i was asking nisa this is what drives you guys are literally doing so incredible but you haven't slowed down what is it that keeps you meaning and purpose is anything that matters it gives you a legacy or something i think about legacy because i'm not having kids and once i die that's it i will be completely unaware of and i said you can't enjoy your posthumous fame so even if i'm able to do something that lasts me on me i won't fucking know i'm dead yeah you accept immortality you don't need to live beyond it so i just know that life is about a neurochemical state and you're doing everything you can to be fulfilled and so i learned very early on that the only way to be fulfilled is to work your ass off to gain a set of skills that allows you to serve not only yourself but other people in a way that you find exciting and so that's it we started impacting for that reason but uh i could see myself at some point saying ah this is too much i don't want to work this much anymore um and so i've already worked out and you would ever change your mind on kids or you think no um at this point i don't so first i need to find how i feel about kids and by the way for listeners listening closely there's an open loop because i said that there were two things uh that could be the passport bro thing so i will try to remember to come back to that but i have to change my mind on kids hold tight we're gonna take a quick break all right let's pick up where we left off the thing that i actually think about is i really want kids like i really want kids i could write you poems that would make you convinced i had kids wow the reason i could do that is because i big brothered for a kid for eight and a half years and so i know what it's like to have somebody love you and you love them back and uh there was a moment where he begged me to basically be his father and to take him on now unfortunately i did not know he was being abused and so i was like man i'm so young bro i'm like i'm not ready to be a dad anyway so i i know that experience maybe more intimately than people give me credit for um and but it's also part of why i don't want kids so the only thing i want more than to have kids is to not have kids and one of the things i want to talk to you about is i have a real fear the only thing this can be controversial the only thing that makes a relationship worth it to me because it is a sacrifice and constant compromise and constantly dealing with the way that women look at the world which sometimes drives me fucking crazy and i know that the way that men in the world drive me crazy i totally get it um but it is just a big ball of compromise the only thing that makes it worth it is to be somebody's number one and when a woman has kids your number whatever how many kids she has so if she got three kids you're number four and do you think that it might have to do with your childhood and your dad being miserable after a while it must but i don't have yeah that's not how it felt growing up like when my dad left i was super surprised i did admittedly over time realize oh that's why i was having those dreams about a loveless marriage but from the kids perspective did your mom prioritize you guys no so my mom's an awesome mom i can't stress that enough she's here right now yeah i have a great relationship with both my parents my mom's amazing exactly what i needed exactly the reason i think i'm so capable of dealing with relationships she's why i didn't do drugs or alcohol like i i have no complaints about how i was raised um but it when i think about the way that what my mom said to me it always made a lot of sense which is you kids i'm raising you to leave us one day and you should leave us one day but that means i have to prioritize your dad okay and i was always like word right like that made a lot of sense to me okay so the only thing i'm curious about is what is it that makes you um want to prioritize your marriage so much so that you would outrun your love for having becoming a father because that's hypothetical right and my wife is real and i did the reality of having kids you don't have kids okay so uh i'll say this more for your soon-to-be husband maybe one day uh that one day his child is going to recount to him a 30-second tiktok video and it's going to take him nine minutes to tell him about the 30-second video and he's going to beg your child to stop explaining it to him and he's going to keep going because he doesn't have a prefrontal cortex and he can't help himself and maybe your husband finds that cute and endearing i wanted to chew through it's possible but it's also possible that that shit is just obnoxious and there's a reason that dads especially will continue to lean into work the way i would want to contribute to the family um is i would want to work and build and provide i don't find myself i'm not a good caretaker i don't enjoy caretaking at all yeah well the only reason i say it's very rare i come across couples i feel such a healthy example to children and um and i mentioned this to lisa so even just from watching you guys online um i just thought what if you two had children that would be one of the luckiest children in the world that's very kind of you yeah i genuinely believe you would be fantastic i think we'd smash it yeah i've never seen people so respectful of each other so respectful of their guests um create such a beautiful world and you know i would be your child that anyone would be and i just remember watching an interview of you guys i think you were talking about resolving conflict and i just thought in a world where the worst people on the planet are recreating wouldn't it be such a beautiful world if you like this children all the time yes and so i actually now you're on to where i'm conflicted yeah because i worry that we're headed for this is going to sound crazy to people that are passionate about the environment but i worry that we're headed the population collapse and that our problem is not going to be overpopulation is going to be dramatically underpopulated you just have to look at the math the math is there we are going to be underpopulated for sure and so that really scares me and so now when i meet parents i thank them for their service yeah because i'm very grateful yeah no i genuinely and this is not to be like you know telling me what to do but it's just very when you see a beautiful marriage um the psychologist in you is just like oh my god imagine how lucky the child would be oh my god and so that's my natural plus with my you know ethnic background i naturally kind of we think kids is everything um but no it's a very conscious decision on your end isn't it there's no nothing bearing so i was always just curious but you've explained it really well i completely understand in my experience of working with couples that don't have kids they tend to have a very magical marriage uh that they because the only thing that will forego the desire to have children is if you have a connection that's worth it so that's usually what i tend to find yeah and i have to say like my wife is awesome and i am obsessed oh so that doesn't help no yeah but here's the thing i want people to hear me what we're doing is a very dangerous strategy and i actually don't advise it right and there are days where the thought of being a father really pulls at me yeah and there are more days where i'm glad i don't have one but we knew that why do you think it's a dangerous strategy because i think we are products of evolution and evolution wants one thing and one thing only from you and that is that you have kids that survive long enough to have kids and so fulfillment if i'm right that that really is the name of the game the most ready-made path to fulfillment is kids yeah they are they're amazing and you know i understand and usually i don't recommend them especially when the relationship is chaotic and stuff uh because with the wrong person they can be a life sentence yeah and i've seen people's lives and i've spoken to so many women who say no matter how much i love my child i love him to bits but when you have it with the wrong person i promise you you regret every single day because it's your life you feel like it's trapped so i said it's risky the way i guess it's risky the way but we are living in a world where there definitely will be more and more people that choose not to have children as we as we get older it is scary and it's usually sensible people that choose not to have children that's the scary part it's always successful intelligent like sensible people who opt out of it it's more the reckless people who opt in so this is the kind of the really bad news is the more you educate women the fewer kids are born oh yeah that's true that's very true yeah i wonder what the correlation is that's very easy from an evolutionary perspective you had no other option basically there was no birth control so if you wanted the protection of a man like even just forget romance for a second if you wanted to be protected in times where that was a real fucking thing which is the vast majority of our evolutionary history uh you were going to have sex yeah and if you had sex the odds of you getting pregnant were virtually 100 yeah so it wasn't an option yeah but women have incredible minds yeah and so when they're educated they respond the same way i got this it's fucking incredible i love this so many options so many things are fascinating so many things i want to try let's see if i'm good at this yeah and so when you do that and society gets safer now instead of having six kids they have one right and so even if they still become a mother they don't become a mother of six or 12 they become a mother of one right and so now if a couple only has one child the population will be cut in half crazy yeah so it's not like nobody's having kids it's that you to hold steady i think the number is like 2.3 every couple has 2.3 kids because of mortality yeah so it's like you can't fuck around yeah we're literally decreasing the population rapidly so we'll go up to something like 9.7 i don't think so look i worry hey let's open a crazy kind of words um i have a feeling this is just a hunch it's a hypothesis i do not have the data on this i could be totally wrong no worries if i am um but something is going on that's disrupting our endocrine system i have a feeling that it's microplastics and other environmental toxins and that's really causing some strange effects the feminization of men the masculization of women um and it's so visceral in america it's like you know maybe it's just an la thing maybe but when um whenever i'm in america the men are almost androgynous and it's so different to anywhere else in the world so i don't know if i i'm not really much of a conspiracy theorist but it just doesn't seem typical and i don't know if it's just in big cities or whatever it is but there does seem to be a shift and i don't know if that's socially conditioned i don't know if it's because we're exposing people to more choices and you know exposing to more but it does seem different there okay again now i'm talking about an idea that i've not researched so i will nearly explain how i approach the problem uh looking at it's almost certainly going to be multifactorial it's going to be a lot of things but i've had enough health guests on the show to know our endocrine systems are being disrupted nobody debates that something is going on can you biologically change people's sexual orientation that i'm not speaking to all i'm saying is that there is something that the androgynous vibe is some percentage could be one percent could be 99 i have no idea some percentage of the equation is going to be when you disrupt the endocrine system you're going to get unexpected results in terms of sexuality sexual preference etc etc um it's way too early for anybody us especially myself to say definitively what that is cultural will also certainly be a component it is utterly fascinating how much flexibility there is especially in female sexuality from what little literature i have looked at females do seem to have an easier time um being bisexual than men and so there's a pretty there's a do you think that might be linked to the fact that we believe that men are more forgiving of bisexuality or more encouraging yeah or more encouraging like i know that as a woman if you tell a man you're bisexual it's almost encouraged but if you tell a woman that you are bisexual man it's automatically discouraged or at least she loses attraction so do you think the flexibility comes from the forgiveness of men or the encouragement of men okay can i just completely derail i'm asking the audience as much as you so please everybody understand that i've asked evolutionary biologists this question and nobody knows i'm speculating i'm speculating having read a lot of books on the topic uh okay so here it goes the question i want everyone to ask ask yourself this why on god's green earth is the clitoris on the outside okay that doesn't make any fucking sense right for you if i'm right and all evolution cares about is that you have a child that lives long enough to have a child then women should want nice deep penetration right because the reason why a man thrust deeply at orgasm is so that the ejaculate is as close to the cervix as humanly possible so the sperm has to travel the least amount of distance but you put the pleasure button for a woman on the outside what the fuck like that is the weirdest thing i can possibly think of okay so then you have to why would this be okay look at the animal kingdom again i know i'm speculating i know i'm way out of my skis here but this is so interesting to me okay if you look at bonobos who are one of our closest relatives they will use female to female genital contact as a way of mending relationships of bonding women to women now if women are literally biologically gifted in all the ways you need to be gifted in order to care for an infant from being able to feed them from their body that's fucking crazy uh 15 of women have a fourth photoreceptor which means they actually see colors men can't see one hypothesis is that allows them to see changes in the skin tone of their child see if they're sick to stress whatever uh their ability to pick up on emotions nonverbal cues they just elsewhere men left right and center so if the clitoris is on the outside is a way to allow women to bond to men broken fences in order to have additional care for the young so that they'll team up and they'll look after the infants together you can understand then why the infant would be more likely to survive longer now i've asked that question directly to evolutionary biologists and they're like maybe there's absolutely no data to back that up but that to me just makes all the sense in the world so now you get to one from a guy's perspective if i can convince two women to be together and allow me into the mix now i have access to two females obviously much better from uh evolutionary perspective if i can hoard resources and so now it actually makes sense for women to come to me and nature does not give a shit if one guy populates a thousand babies 10 thousand babies you look at gangas khan or but wouldn't the women compete for the resources compared to a monogamous man uh women will a guy will only be able to monopolize as many women as they can give resources to is that what you're asking yeah i'm just wondering if evolutionally encouraged two women to be with one man wouldn't they and maybe almost be bisexual and just kind of make it easier would this still not be a source of enmity regarding the resources well so yes undoubtedly and that's why if the clitoris is on the outside then women potentially i'm making this up i have no idea correct right and so now women have a way to leverage oxytocin vasopressin that happens when you orgasm they have access to that without needing a penis okay now again i i am this is just a hypothesis but man i've really tried to invalidate this yeah and it just there's so many things that are like huh it could be could it be that sometimes um the reason for the clitoris to be on the outside is because during menstrual cycles um they can't really get pregnant through penetration anyway so they might as well be a way to outsource pleasure without you know needing it's certainly possible i and i have no data to say i don't have any time making this up but i'm just curious in personal experience women tend to be turned off when they're on a period that they don't want people near them yeah rather let's wait so my guidance is they're not like encouraging sexual contact of any kind at that point again guess is it yeah yeah yeah it's good to kind of stimulate i've never thought about that before though i think how do men put themselves in a situation where they can avoid the kind of woman that's going to cheat on them here's the thing with men this is a really key difference why i always say men get cheated on so much more than women do they with women we enter relationships with the assumption a man is going to cheat at some stage and we're looking for evidence that he's not going to do it so we go in with our you know with our like alertness on most women and i think there's an evolutionary reason for that because obviously we don't want to be left pregnant and all these things so most women when they meet a man they'll start to check his online when he's online who he's following and then over time they earn the chance they're like okay i can relax he's actually quite good like i haven't seen any problems perfect with men they go into relations with the assumption she would never they go in with this naivety when they're dating like no no no the other thing men do is because they selected a woman they want to justify their selection so they assume she's a great girl they assume she's a good girl simply because they selected her not because she's earned any of those values so what happens is they ignore a lot of the behaviors that predict cheating and the behaviors that predict cheating are so easy to see but they avoid those and they just focus on what they like because particularly if they're sexually satisfied they will literally avoid all the evidence so how they get cheated on is they go into it with a naivety now men who have been with lots of women will tell you that women are no more innocent than men are they've been on the receiving end when they've been in bed with a girl and she's called her boyfriend and said oh i'm just going to be home but they've seen that side of women some men have never seen that side of women so they just think that doesn't exist so what happens is they go in with a little bit of naivety and they literally take words over behaviors as soon as a woman says oh no i don't do this i'm a traditional woman they won't look at it and they'll say oh she's a traditional woman but she's been on a private jet recently or she's on a holiday and she's been telling me who she's going with or you know she's always in the club and she doesn't tag me or anything they don't connect the dots they simply go by what she says rather than what she does and i notice this particularly with men who have terrible relations with their fathers and just grow up in a single parent home i always say men who grow up in a single parent home are far more likely to be cheated on and the reason i believe that is when you grow up with just one parent you have only one version of event and you only have a female perspective of the world you kind of just think okay what mom says is always true because you don't have a way of fact checking it when you grow up with your mom and dad you see that mom also you know she can be a bit annoying dad is difficult sometimes you see the dynamic and you can fact check the truth and you validate what there's being said when men grow up with just a female perspective they start to go into the real world believing everything a woman says and not double checking it so when she says oh my ex is so controlling you always think i was cheating on him you won't say why did you think you were cheating on him did you do anything oh my god how he's so toxic i'm gonna prove i'm so much better than him and i'm not gonna say anything i'm gonna let you do whatever you want they just adapt to her perspective so that's the first thing the second thing is because they grew up not seeing what a wife looks like not seeing that women you know they tend to come home when they're happy they don't always go on holidays with their friends they don't come home super late they don't stay over really like you know when they're married they kind of stay home they want to come home they don't get to see that growing up so when a woman is hyper independent they don't see it as a signal that she's not attached they just see it as how women come and therefore they select women who are usually more likely to cheat on them because she has those traits of a single woman that they don't notice does that make any sense it does i assume the things you went through are the behaviors that predict so they're going out clothing they're not taking you um what are what are the things that if somebody's being naive that they're being naive about so certainly that women are capable of it yeah but um god i hate to even say this but like what are the rights like what here's the main naive thing they simply think that if they treat her better than what she normally goes for they've got no competition so what i mean by that is i walk into a room and be like i'm the richest guy here i've got no competition i'm the tallest guy she's been with i've got no competition your competition is not defined by other men your competition is by how loose her boundaries are and her values you could be the best looking man she knows you could be the richest man she knows but she is somebody who really values independence and really really values her own kind of liberation she will not care if she's cheating someone less than you more than you whatever it is it's her desire to be independent and not be caged now what they'll do is they have this false sense of security that they've created for themselves rather than based on her behavior the sense of security should come from her level of dedication how do you monitor her dedication she naturally respects the relationship more than her independence so what i mean by that is yes she might want to go to me every summer and she might want to go to monica but she understands that you know when you're in a relationship in those environments it can get a little bit tricky so i'll go but i'll probably want my husband there or i probably want you what they think is my woman would never they don't think that my actual women would rather not put themselves in those environments they have this mentality that she wouldn't because i'm the best she has but if she were truly the best she has she wouldn't put herself in those environments so look at her choices look at what she chooses to do and if she places herself in environments where alternatives are presented regularly she does that then she's probably not satisfied and the other thing that they forget is some men particularly young men in this generation they are you know if she's bisexual or she brings other women in and they're actually very happy about that yeah they really love that they're like oh my god she's so cool she got other women involved the biggest chokehold you can have on a woman is when you're the only person that is able to sexually satisfy her when you invite other people in and man woman whatever it is you're don't you're opening the door for her climaxing because of somebody else outside of you you lose your chokehold in that moment i see some of these really like red pill kind of guys who's like oh my woman she lets me get with other girls and she even joins in the moment she can climax because of somebody other than you you lose your chokehold over her there is there is women out there that i know that are beautiful but many options but because they haven't been with many men and they're a bit like scared of them they'll say lord to him even if he's in jail they won't go anywhere because they've tried other men but other women that because a man has opened that door for her and invited other stimulants into the relationship they you have you lose your ability to get complete and utter sexual submission from her when you invite too many alternatives okay all right this is very interesting all right so the first uh thing you said that really sparked me is this idea that uh too much independence is a problem so remember by the way i just make that clear so men and women i would say that this started with what should guys avoid if they want to avoid being cheated on yeah and the answer is somebody who's too independent uh it's very interesting okay so you're looking out for somebody that you want somebody that puts the relationship ahead of the independence they're willing to give something up to get that how do you begin to draw boundaries around that like what is the right amount of um submission to the relationship and at what point does it become controlling and stifling reasonable requests are not controlling and what i mean by reasonable requests is objectively we can agree it's not about me it's not about you we can agree that this isn't good for the relationship so objectively it might be the case that let's say you're going to live abroad for a couple of years or a couple of months that's probably not good for the relationship we can objectively agree on that and even if it was the other way around we would both agree or objectively we would agree that going out a lot on weekends drinking alcohol it's not good for the relationship so it's when we can both agree that it's not unreasonable The way to handle boundaries as a man is you don't sit there and beg her to listen to you. And you don't sit there and be like, she can't do that.

You see her own choices and you decide if it is an appropriate selection for you to be with this woman. You don't force her to change. You allow her to live how she wants to live. And then you let her know what you prefer.

Give her time. But if she decides this is not how she wants to live, instead of being like, well, we've got to do this, you've got to listen to me, I'm the man, I'm this. You just say, okay, fair enough. I totally want you to live the life you want.

But it's not compatible with the boundaries and boundaries I have. Instead, what they do is they stay there, get really controlling, really aggressive. But in that moment, she learns you don't have a willingness to walk away. She learns that.

And that is something you never want to teach. Man or woman, you don't want to teach anybody that you have no willingness to walk away. Instead, what you want to teach them is the relationship means something to you. You want to protect this relationship through boundaries.

And you want them to meet you in the middle with that. If they do that, fantastic. If they choose not to, the goal is not to be with you. The goal is to have a good relationship.

If you don't want this, we're not going to have a good relationship. So no worries. I wish you the best. The toxicity comes from the inability to walk away.

That's one of those that, it's so simple, but it really is true. As you were talking, I was like, is there really anything other than leaning away from somebody when they do a behavior that you don't like, leaning in when they do a behavior that you do, and having a willingness to walk away? That's sort of the game. That's the only thing.

And it works for men and women. It works for men and women. You can sit there and beg your husband to come home on time. You can do all of these things.

But the only thing that works is your willingness to work away. Now, you might say, no, I walked away and they still didn't change. And that person doesn't want you enough. That's a signal.

Instead of begging that person to want you, accept their choices. If they don't want you enough and you still want to be with them, let them live their life they want. But if you walked away and they didn't change, they don't want the relationship enough. So don't keep using that trick.

Learn from that trick. But it's not working, so therefore this person doesn't want you enough. Whereas if you pull away and they actually love and appreciate you more, they obviously want this relationship. They want it to work.

Man, this is where self-esteem really becomes an important part of this question. It's the number one thing. Honestly, you can have every ingredient, but without self-esteem, man or woman, no relationship can survive. It can't flourish, sadly.

It's such an important ingredient towards any relationship because without self-esteem, there's no self-respect. And without self-respect, there's no mutual respect. So it's a really difficult one. So if you're struggling in relationships, you're not actually struggling in relationships.

You're struggling in self-esteem. You don't know how to love or be loved correctly. And as a result, your relationships are disruptive. What do you think has changed that makes it hard for women today to respect and fall for the average man?

Men have worshipped sex in a way that they've never done before. And as a result, what before would make a man want to marry you would involve a woman having a lot of good qualities. Before, a woman would think, okay, I have to come from a good family. I maybe should go to school.

I should maybe educate. I should really learn how to cook. I should do something with my life. I should do something.

This is our grandma's generation. They knew that you make too many mistakes, you're going to be left on the shelf. In this day and age, the women that are actually the least promiscuous, the most traditional, don't have sexual experience, struggle to find a man. Whereas a woman with every surgery, with every tattoo, with all of her body out everywhere, she has endless queue of men.

Now, they're going to argue, no, no, no, but we don't want to marry those girls. They're actually lying. Men are very happy to marry the woman that gives them the most sexual pleasure. They think that's not true.

But you ask them which of your exes or which woman has the biggest chokehold over you, and it will be usually the woman that they enjoy the sex with the most. And when a woman learns that she can get away with murder simply because you're hyper-attracted to her, it makes it impossible for her to respect and want to be with you. Impossible. Because it's like, how did I get here so easily?

You must not be valuable. Whereas when we know that certain behaviors will make us insufferable to you because you don't give us a free pass because of our appearance or our sexual performance, we can finally respect you. So because of the culture we've got today and because of how men have worshipped sex in a way that they've never really did before, I'm not blaming them, I'm blaming societal changes. It's made it very difficult for us to respect the man that we know, if we just simply know exactly how he likes it, he'll forgive us in five minutes.

Or if we know when we turn our back, he'll be downloading an OnlyFans subscription. It's hard for us to respect that man. Okay. You're touching on something really big here.

There's what I'll call a derangement in culture. So you hinted at this idea that in the past we had a very different culture. Men wanted incentivized women to invest in a set of skills. Their obsession with sex was being tampered by something.

I want to know what has changed in culture specifically? What did it used to be and what is it now? We had realistic expectations of our sexual climaxing and what we deserve sexually. So what I mean by that is when a person wasn't so appealing, he would accept that he's going to be with a woman that isn't the most appealing and they would have a relatively mundane sexual performance and that would be their life.

And the man that might be the job in school, he might get with a cheerleader and they have realistic expectations of what to expect from the opposite gender. The advent of social media and pornography has allowed the person with the least amount to offer a woman to still believe he deserves and still want to desire the top of the range woman who is the most sexually promiscuous, who's the most sexually overt. He still believes there's an element of him who thinks he deserves that now. And because they've got such inflated expectations of what they want and deserve sexually, they can't match with people who are on the same level as them and it's leading them to a lifetime of loneliness.

Because they'd rather be alone than be with a woman on their same level. Whereas before they would just be like, okay, maybe I'm not so successful, maybe I'm a bit overweight, I'm a bit chubby, I can understand it. I'll meet men who are now in their 50s and say, oh, she's let herself go a little bit, she's got a few stretch marks, and they say, tell me about your body. Oh, yeah, I need to work out, but she.

And it's that complete hypocrisy that they've developed through constantly watching beautiful women online. All right, is that the core cultural wound, that we no longer are being realistic about our own sexual market value? Yeah, I believe so. I think the inflated expectations from what we're watching and not being aware of what we bring to the table is one of the core issues.

But also the liberation of sex, of how, like, it's got no cap on it anymore. So just a normal, you know, we would kind of just probably expect by the time our parents got into our 50s or 60s and stuff, they would have just a normal kind of sex life. And in this same age, there's still endless desires, an insatiable cut when it comes to sexual desires. And because they're constantly bombarded with different ideas, it feels like there is an endless hole, and there's only so many women that can keep up with that.

So they keep replacing the women rather than replacing this desire. Okay, so if we were going to assign percentage blame to men and women, and I definitely want to dive into the idea of deserve more, but if we were going to assign blame to men and women, are men deranging it more, are women deranging things more? Men entirely. Men entirely.

And they'll hate that. They'll be like, no, women have lost their this, women have that. I'll tell you why I say that. I happen to be a woman in a very unique position where I have a kind of presence on social media where I do help men.

Like you, we help men on a regular basis. And on a daily basis, a short will get millions of views. And I'll have men message me saying, you saved me from suicide, you saved my relationship, you helped me so much. And then I'll look and I'll think, I remember I was going on my Patreon, I have a Patreon where you can sign up and you can ask me questions, and I'm doing fine on my Patreon.

But I looked at other contact places I've never seen before, like women that I've been like, oh, I don't know what she's done, I've never seen, she's got nowhere near the reach I have, this is not in a competitive way, I was just curious. And she'll have hundreds of thousands of subscribers, and I'll say, oh, I wonder what she's doing. It would all be pornography related. So I just thought to myself, I'm in a position, I'm not saying this in a jealous way, because I know that's how they're going to take it.

I happen to help men on a daily basis, but because I don't leave with sex, I will never get the reaction or the following, whereas if I just started posting pictures of feet, toes, this, that, and the other, I would be inundated with subscribers. So they reward the most toxic behavior in society and then complain that women are no longer traditional. There's only, let's say, I don't know the statistics, but let's say, for example, there's only like 500,000 OnlyFans creators or porn creators, but there's billions of people watching it. So the main problem has to be the men.

There's only a tiny percentage of women that actually sell sex, but there's not a tiny percentage of men that watch it. So we have to think who is actually contributing to the problem more. Okay, do you blame men in general for patronizing it, or is there something else that sits on top of that, like the capitalistic impulse to give people whatever they want? So if they want a dating app where they can find quick hookups, we're going to give it to them.

If they want an AI girlfriend, we're going to give it to them. So where do we start getting into the nuance? Because what I'm trying to really tease out here is, I think you're right in that ultimately, every individual man is able to start making better choices and get a better outcome. But at the same time, culture has energy.

And cultural energy starts moving in a direction to look at an individual man who's now bearing the brunt of not being able to attract a woman, having to work, I forget what the status of people draw, having to work five times harder to get a girl that's half as good. That whole idea, I think there really is something to that. And so I'll look at guys, and I will be deeply empathetic. And something that I talk to my wife a lot about is, you really have to immerse yourself in the culture to see something is broken.

And so do you see that over layer that's generating some of these problems? Or really, it's not just individual guys making mistakes. I started with a really different kind of message. I was very much on pro-men and really trying to understand the core problem.

And the number one thing I've learned in my experience is, for them, every problem is alleviated through sex. They alleviate a lot of problems through sex. They all have a marriage. And instead of the wonderful techniques that the Gottman Institute might say where you say nice things to each other, or to be with somebody who does, it's like you have to go through that gateway in order to access the best parts of them, in order to get that attachment, to get that appreciation, to get that love out of them.

It's like you have to go in that direction first, and then they can reward you. So it's almost like that's the avenue now to get love out of them. So it's really difficult. I'm not saying women are any better, but it seems like, and I did this because I've been working with couples for so long, and we'll be trying this, that, and the other.

And then now I just come in when couples come to me, the first thing I ask, he's like, are you sleeping together? And she's like, oh, no, we're not. And then everything you've done, like arranging birthdays for his mom, cooking for him, ironing his clothes. It doesn't mean anything until he's sexually satisfied.

So start with that. I'm not saying actually that's a bad thing. I think if you know that, it's actually a bit easier. But I don't know if that's just my experience, because I get the skewed end of it, but would you say that men can only really appreciate the other aspects of a relationship once they're sexually and sexually satisfied?

Women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. I'm so sorry if I sound a bit negative, because I sound so different to how I came last year. Only because as my prices increased, I saw more successful men.

And then the behavior of more successful men is so different to the behavior of less successful men, which made me believe that the only reason men are being good is because they don't have the options and the ability to do what successful men do. So maybe then you get into that, is this why you hear about royal families and they can become pedophiles, or is this why you hear this? It makes me think that as men have more financial freedom, their selection gets worse and worse, which means that their true desires might be worse and worse, but they just can't access it when they're on the lower end of the financial status. There is something very true about that.

And this brings us to what has changed that's made women have a hard time falling for average men now. Yeah, I would say materialism to that as well. Just like how men are a bit delusional about you'll get men in their 50s and still think that they can get 25 years old. Women are also very delusional about the wealth that they can access.

They spend endless hours consuming content online, which is just glorifying wealth, and then assuming that they deserve that lifestyle and assuming it, almost making fun of men that aren't quite on that same level. And what beautiful girls will do is use sex to access it, but less beautiful women will just stay single. They'll just say, well, I'm a CEO or I'm working hedge funds, so I'm not going to be successful for a guy that's on an average earning, even if she doesn't. But they don't realize that men appearance means more than what you're earning.

So to get that top level guy, he doesn't care that you're so smart and intelligent and you're a successful lawyer. He wants to know if you have a 21-year-old sister. That's what he's going to ask for. So I think there's a delusion on both ends.

Yeah, I think that's really important to dive into. And I will ultimately answer the question of whether I think men can or should have multiple wives. But I do want to tie some of these things up from the very beginning where we're talking about what's changed, what's broken. This idea of deserve, I think is a really important idea.

What do you think is driving this sense of entitlement? If they see it, they should have it. It's as simple as that. That's the criteria now.

I've seen it, so I want it. I've earned it. There's no that I also provide this quality, so therefore I could potentially ask for it back. But it's just, I've seen it, therefore I want it.

Whenever you have a quality and your baseline for why you want it is because you've seen it, that's not a valid reason for wanting something. But if it's something that you also provide and in your past experiences you've also received because that's what happens, then chances are that's a realistic expectation. But if it's something you've never accessed and you can't provide it yourself, then it's an unrealistic expectation. So what I mean by this is, if you're a very beautiful girl, you can expect a beautiful man.

Or if you're a beautiful girl and men have spoiled you in the past and they've given you a lot of money or whatever, it's you can expect that. But you've never experienced men spoiling you. You've always had men that are more on the lower end, kind of dedicated to you. And yet you want a really wealthy man to propose to you.

Where is this expectation coming from? Because it's not from your lived experience. Expectations should come from our lived experiences. If they're coming from vicarious experiences that you've seen online, they're not realistic.

Just take them out of your mind because they'll keep you single. And I always say there's only two reasons why people are single. One reason is where they have excessive self-hate, where they don't really love themselves enough and they have really low self-esteem so they avoid people or they only go for people who don't love them enough and as a result they find themselves in a perpetual cycle of an unhealthy relationship until it ends. Or people who have, which now more people are falling into, in her 20s because I want to have kids, which sounds valid on paper.

And I say, okay, but she's going to want financial compensation for the 20-year age difference. So I don't know, I want it to be a really genuine connection. But it's the price you pay when you get to a certain age. You can't expect a genuine connection from a young girl in your 40s and 50s.

You have to sacrifice the intimacy. So they think that they still deserve that connection but sometimes we pass that. I say the same thing with women. I say, if you get to a certain age and you haven't had your kids and then they say, no, I don't want to be a stepmom so you can't have any children but I want to have kids.

It's the refusal to adapt to expectations and I'm stuck in almost a childlike state of I want my dummy now that keeps people single. Should people settle? Well, I think they should redefine what settling means. Is it settling in your case or is it just going for the people that love you?

Here's what people think settling is. Just being with the person that likes you. But that is, your criteria should be, what your type should be in people should be how somebody treats you. That's it.

How they look, what their size they are, what they bring, all that stuff should be secondary. Your type should be a treatment, not a person. So my type should be somebody who's kind, who's loving, who's loyal. Yes, attraction is definitely important.

I'm not saying it's not important, but the treatment is more my type. Where people get a bit wrong is that their type has become she has to be blonde, she has to be blue eyes and they forget completely treatment is not mentioned. They don't even mention that. The type has to be how much he likes you back as well and how much she's attracted you back.

They don't look at that. They just look at it from a unilateral perspective and therefore they end up either single or being used in abusive relationships. Sexual market value I think is important and I think people's delusions around that create a lot of trouble and figuring out what are the things that are most important to you I think it's really beneficial for men or women. Right now probably women because the way that social media works it really rewards women in a way that wildly disadvantages men.

So some of the things that we haven't gotten into in terms of how we're in the system that we're in. So you've said previously that back in the day you couldn't be beautiful for anybody more than the town that you're in and now you're beautiful for the whole world. There's an equally interesting thing going on which is let's say that your 20s is for guys. It's kind of a throwaway.

You're building a skill set. You're a bit of a moron. You're not confident enough. You don't know what you're doing.

I'm going to select a few but for the most part no. It's just a dark time. Building blocks. Building blocks, exactly.

And so somewhere in your early to mid-30s you start to break out. Now somebody in their early to mid-30s can very much still connect with somebody in their early to mid-20s. I don't think that's a good job. And so the generation is in line with each other.

Right, exactly. So now you've got somebody that's in their early 20s as a woman that can see a guy that's in their early 30s that's really starting to pop off. And so now that 20-something guy that would naturally be going for the one that's only a couple of years different than him is competing with somebody that's in their 30s. And so now he's got all these years to really just get rejected over and over and over by women that have a growing sense of delusion.

We were just talking. Gramping for this episode is beyond fun. Me and the producer just started talking about it and slowly there was another person and then another person and then another person. So there was like eight or nine of us talking about relationships and everything and like where this is all going.

And they're younger. some of them yeah so we but we have people that are like 30 years and everybody's perspective was accountable exactly well and then i'm the old guy so that was also accountable but the fascinating thing was the one universal comment was oh it's actually easier to get laid now it's just harder to get someone to commit both the guys and the girls felt like that was the case and so that's like sort of derangement point number one is if what everybody's actually looking for is a long-term committed relationship but there's this sort of invisible change in the sexual mores where people just feel like well i'm just gonna try the merchandise before i buy and so it's like you end up in yeah i'll have sex with you to see like is there anything here but and then point number two of just complete total derangement is you can be on the apps all the time and the choice constantly being like well i had fun with them but was it the ultimate fun kind of more fun and so now in a world where women are hypergamous they're dating over and up and they can see the level of success via instagram whatever across a wide have you heard what i talk about when i say what hypergamy actually means for women i i know that the traditional sense hypergamy is just you know women want someone older richer all these things i say actually none of that matters women actually their definition of hypergamy is the man that is she can't manipulate that's the only man she'll find hypergamous a 19 year old who's dating a ceo who's 40 years old far more successful than her taller than her more more grades more qualifications everything is above her you would say that she's hypergamous i can guarantee you if she can manipulate every money every piece and get rent from get cut she will still throw him in the dust and find somebody that she actually respects that's not hypergamy in a woman's eyes a hypergamy in a woman's eyes is we can't fool you simple she would rather be with a man that is less successful or less intelligent not that she'd rather be but she'd be more submissive to a man who's less successful less intelligent might even be a bit shorter but he doesn't fall for nonsense he knows when she's trying to manipulate him she can't trick him she can't manipulate him so i believe hypergamy is defined purely by the art of manipulation not actually by the arbitrary things of course we want them a richer and taller but a baseline of that only matters if you're more intelligent than us and we don't define intelligence by financial success we define intelligence by can i manipulate you yes or no if the answer is no you are not an idiot you are not going to pay my rent while your own daughter's rent you don't even consider or you're not going to buy me a car because i slept with you a couple of times you're not stupid but if we find that oh my god i can tell him that i need his card and he gives it to me straight away or i can tell him that you know i lost my job so i need rent he gives it to me straight away without me even knowing him that well immediately she uses respect and therefore the hypergamy disappears so i think you're onto a really important addition to hypergamy but i can hear the men in the comments screaming right now like i can't be manipulated so yeah but i still can't get a date uh i think the key to add to that is that uh it has to be someone that the woman would want to manipulate and so if she's not drawn to you attracted to you finds nothing interesting about you it doesn't matter that if she tried to manipulate you tell her to fuck off you're not interested whatever um there there's a dynamic there so first there has to be mutual desire yeah and then there has to be a very mature uh thing in it it's funny so i don't think men look for mutual desire anymore i think men with high self-esteem do i think men with super high self-esteem i think the baseline is men with super high self-esteem reciprocity is more important than beauty as long as she she wants him as much as he wants her and this is like she they're men with high self-esteem only know what women look like who like them so they know women to want to take their clothes off they want they know women that are calling their phone 24 7 they know women who are initiating sex that's what men with high self-esteem that's the type of women they're around men with low self-esteem just getting more and more don't care if she wants him just as long as he gets to touch her so that's where you'll find these men that go to escorts you'll find these men that go to work on these men that go you know travel you know um passport boys they don't care if she wants him or not just does she let me have sex with her they're not looking for mutual desire as much particularly as they get older you think they're not looking for mutual desire or they have given up on finding they know what it even looks like because they're so replaced mutual desire with attraction from their perspective i had a video that was a lot of hate where i said that um the use of prostitutes is um legal rape and i believe that men who look for mutual desire they realize that consent is not simply somebody saying yes it's somebody who wants you as much as you want them that's what true consent looks like in their eyes whereas men who use prostitutes consent simply means yes regardless of whether that's manipulated consent or whether that's you groomed or whatever it is as long as you said yes so even if you have to get that yes or an envelope on the table they'll take that yes they just want permission but men with high self-esteem they don't want permission they want desire desire is their true form of consent when a woman desires them so i think yes i do believe women are delusional with what they want but there's nothing more delusional than that man as he gets older and older and older still wants that 19 20 year old but wants her to actually want him she doesn't she's not going to want you is trump raping melania uh consensual rape and there is a thing it's where the consent is bought on and as a result it becomes consensual rape so you don't think it's possible yeah that she thinks oh like he's so powerful and so good at what he does and status all of these things only matter when the underlying attraction is them let's say yeah that my wife is in a car accident and she gets burned is she raping me if i sleep later and no because the underlying attraction is there even though physically that's gonna be tough physically now it's gonna be tough but your premise of being together was is not destroyed because it wasn't that wasn't the premise of you guys being together that wasn't a contract but if the premise of melania and trump is that this guy's smart he's uh an amazing politician businessman whatever do you think she would be with him if he was broke tomorrow like lost everything right so then the premise is the contract says you have to maintain the conditions of which when we first met whereas when it's love and connection and commitment we understand the conditions can't change but we're committed to you but then they're committed to what their side of the deal was let me um change my answer slightly in that would she stay with him if he lost everything and was trying to rebuild um i don't know i literally went i'm surprised i remember her name so that is like how not attached to that world i am but i remember lisa being very impressed when melania was asked the question about you know why are you with trump he's just with you for your beauty and you're just with him for his money or just somebody said you're just with him for his money and she's like hold on he's just with me for my beauty like why is there such a double standard now my thing is i really do think that there's probably more credit to give to because what i always tell people is don't worry about getting the money become the kind of person that can earn that money so it's like most nba players will never earn a championship ring but they should still be just beyond proud of themselves and so good at something that they were able to make it become capable of a championship performance even if you never win a championship so it is possible that somebody's just so good at a thing that somebody finds intoxicating that they're able to pass that so i agree with my wife there are things i'm into with her where the looks can and will fade and i'm still going to be way into her but i think there are far more dimensions upon which people can be connected where i wouldn't call it consensual yeah i'm ruling out the only reason i would say that is you have to think that is if the condition in which you chose to marry this person if that was to change would you still be connected to the person or you're connected to the condition i think it's all conditions all the way down so if i stopped um if i stopped having a growth mindset and being persistent and taking care of myself and finding my path of confidence i i agree and same with my partner the conditions are you have to be kind to me you have to be loving to me those conditions have to be met but my underlying and your underlying conditions are not transactional they're more they create mutual connection whereas for some people they are they don't those conditions don't create connection they are just conditions so it is just rich you stay beautiful you stay rich and once either of us breaks the contract we go because there's no actual connection in that creates longevity which i think here's the thing i have no problem with transactional relationships i actually think in this day and age i can actually understand why a woman would say you know what you can't trust men anymore they all cheat they all do all this nonsense i'd rather be with a rich guy have all my kids with a rich guy and then if we get divorced we get divorced i completely understand that guy and similarly i totally understand the man that says you know what women they're all the same headache they all want the same thing why why would i be with one that doesn't give me any sex and i could be with a young girl that's constantly got energy and she gives me sex i totally understand the transaction but what i don't understand is the delusion behind it if you know that's what you're going for don't expect intimacy from that connection so are we people in those relationships where the man genuinely believes there's an intimate long-lasting monogamous connection but it's not possible if you're just i agree with doing absolutely anything you want just don't be delusional about it if you're dating a woman half your age that doesn't speak the same language totally fine you're using her for her beauty but expect her to be using you for your looks men are genuinely believe don't know she loves me she loves me because of the term hypergamy because i'm more powerful and more successful women only care about those things more once they're fundamentally attracted to you you have to be attracted to you first then we give a shit if you're intelligent and powerful and successful but if that underlying attraction is not there then we're just using you and the underlying attraction can't be there when there's a significant age gap some people are saying no no it can 90% of the time when couples like that happen she always leaves with a younger man she'll leave with the broke personal trainer she'll leave with somebody that's around us because here's the thing with women we fall in love with connection and we have the most connection with people who are similar to us and when we have got huge age brats he might be gorgeous but we are not connected to somebody that is from a completely different generation or anything they're just not connected that's it for part one but we are just getting started sadia and i are diving even deeper in part two and trust me you don't want to miss it make sure 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