I'm Tom Billie and this is Impactary. Let's dive right back into part two with Saudia Khan. The reality is women were designed one of the reasons why women can move on quickly from heartbreak in relationships and go from one man to another is evolutionary times. If they lost their partner to war or to predators or whatever it is they'd have to find another one.
Even if they shared him with another bunch of women they would have to do that otherwise they die. So we have these instincts in us that we can't always explain. Now a woman's instincts is always to be somewhat looked after. It doesn't even have to be financial but just knowing that a man looks after that could mean did you get home safe?
Did you get on your flight okay just checking in? Women really value that. Yeah that checking in whether it's financial investment or emotional investment they need it in order to feel safe. For a man the nurturing is really important for him.
That nurture is their way of understanding you appreciate them. When you nurture them they take it to me and you love and appreciate me. When you don't nurture them they take it to me that I'm an ATM here and no one cares about me. So they get drastic with their responses.
So I would say that the emotional and financial investment is what women generally like to look for and the appreciation of nurtures what men tend to look for. Okay so a lot of women are having a seizure over that right now. Let me ask should a woman submit to a man's leadership. I think that when you meet a man who is so is such a safe bet and so secure submission is a natural consequence.
Now if you refuse to do that because you don't see it like it just goes against everything the narrative you've been taught you're depriving yourself of a really beautiful relationship. I'm not saying submit to every man but a good man who cares about your well-being you'd be a fool not to submit to him you'd be a fool to argue with him. You'd be missing out on a great connection simply because you want to maintain independence but independence is overrated. Give me details on what it means to submit can a woman be a fully actualized person completely her own woman driven boss babe and still submit to somebody's leadership or does that mentality break the potential relationship?
It's a little bit harder I would say that it's a little bit harder because you get so used to your own authority when you are independent. What I would say is delegation. You might want to have a really great career outside and be your own boss but at home there's certain decisions that you allow him to lead on and you allow him to lead him because you trust his leadership and you don't you giving him that authority is because he's anti-it through trust love and leadership you know you can trust his authority you don't need to have a say in every single thing in life sometimes you should just relax and if you are that boss babe don't you want some areas of your life where you don't have to think and somebody else can just lead it's good for you it's recharging your batteries so I would say that if you are really successful find areas where you don't have to think it might be when he plans a holiday when he chooses where to live or something like that instead of fighting that embrace that as a way of your off period you don't have to think you can relax and see it as in a positive rather negative. Okay so how does how does a modern woman who is very driven very sharp yeah she is working she realizes hey I'm really good at this decision making thing why would she come home and submit to somebody else's leadership why not just maintain the leadership role because she shouldn't be with somebody unless she if she's really astute at decision making she would have chosen a partner that she can delegate decisions to if you're really good at decision making as a woman you're really successful and you really know your shit you don't be with a man that doesn't that suggests that there's an air a hole in yourself esteem if you've chosen a man that you don't truly see as effective decision makers yourself so if you are all of those things then your partner's election should have been also great so great that there are parts that you can just delegate and then allow him to lead on.
Now are you saying that women are hardwired because we both have the north star a few in flourishing yeah so are you saying that women will flourish more if they get no matter how powerful they are if they get with a man that is they are the right person to lead in the family life I'm not sure. Well the thing is if you really want to flourish choose a man that you can who can put blindfolds on you and you trust where he's going because essentially there's going to come a time either through kids or through age where you tire yourself out from being that boss bait because you're not designed for it we're not always designed for it's beautiful. Is it always designed for or not designed for it? I think we're not fully I think we're not I think there's a time where we are designed for it when we're young and we have the energy or when we've got potential but at some stage in our life we get to the point where we do we retire earlier and it's again it's evolutionary we're not actually designed to be so driven all the time all day every day we're actually designed to be looked after and kept safe so as much as you might have all this energy now at least choose somebody's for when you slow down and you take your foot off the pedal he could take the steering wheel and if you haven't chosen that you've effectively adopted a son that you didn't choose.
Interesting okay so let's keep going down this road so I hear you saying that this is really just an energy question yeah is it an energy question or is it a hard wiring question in that a woman who and for the conversation we will assume the man is worthy. You see him as an incredible person so it's not like you're submitting to a bozo so you found a guy he's a worthy leader yeah it's a word are you saying that no the only time you need to submit is when you you get tired you know go do your thing and then at some point later down the road submit just because you get tired of doing it or are you saying that this is really the result of evolution and evolution has left women in psychological position where they will actually be happier if they submit to a worthy man's leadership. Yeah I think it's the latter I think you would genuinely be happier in your reserve more energy and feel if you submit to a man who's worthy of submission from early rather than you know one day burning out and then thinking now I want a man to save me because I'm so exhausted and tired and I meet girls when they turn 33 onwards they're just so tired of doing everything themselves and they'll say to me I'm just tired of even carrying my grocery bags from the car into the house I'm so tired of that I know it's a mall but I just I'm so tired of it whereas when if you pick somebody and you delegate and you submit as you're going along what happens you have more energy throughout life they give you that that's what a man should be he shouldn't be a burden you should be somebody that you look forward to submitting to because you trust the process you trust their vision and if you haven't found that then you're going to suffer. So why would it be that evolution would leave women in a situation where they don't want to have to lead all the time they actually want to outsource a lot of a lot of the decision making to a man why would that be what is the reward has evolution given them a reward or children what happens is and that's why baby brain is a real thing women that will say I've got baby brain what they mean is once they become a mother their brain is absorbed by becoming a mother they literally start seeing the life through the lens of their baby so they'll walk into a room and be able to spot the danger and say that's dangerous so they stop being able to think about themselves and they stop being able to think outside of the lens of a baby so if they don't have a man that they can rely on they not only have to look after the baby 24-7 but then they have to worry about him and they just get overwhelmed whereas when you have that secure man and you've submitted that you can submit to when you go into baby's own it doesn't matter the ship is still sailing he's got everything else covered but when you don't you then have to put your feet on both pedals and you're going to be overwhelmed so because we're designed to be mothers we're designed to have somebody that we can submit to when we become preoccupied with the child okay so in a modern context when women can push that off off off off off off why not why submit if you never plan to have kids because you still run out of energy at some stage at some stage in life we don't have this we don't produce the same endorphins and stuff at some stage or another and also what joy is there from being completely independent isn't life more beautiful when you share it and depend on one another we're designed to be in charge I want to stay I want to stay close to this idea of submitting to leadership so for a well so let me ask a slightly different question then would the optimal life strategy for a woman be to be boss babe mode and tell it roughly 30 to 35 and then so be with a guy that does what you say during those years and then no there's going to be a natural break somewhere in there and or maybe I just had a series of relationships and now at 30 to 35 I'm going to settle down I'm going to find a man that is worthy of submitting to and and I'm really submitting probably is a word I don't like I'm translating from them I don't like that word but I'm going to be able to outsource some of the decision making so I can focus on my kids I think a lot of women do do that where they be with the man that they can control and then switch it up for a man that they want to take control from I think the worst thing you can do is be with a man that you can control even before you have a baby even before you have a baby because it gets you into the habit of seeing men as a nuisance rather than an addition to your life when you have a man that you can control what happens is you end up raising him yeah he activates your maternal instinct rather than your sexual instinct so you end up having to raise him having to check if he's there and so on and so forth he becomes a burden to your life and therefore you start to glorify singlehood whereas when you are with a man that you don't control and he actually helps control you you see the beauty in a relationship so I think when I meet women who are with men that they control especially in marriages they become disrespectful to him they speak to him badly they become a woman they don't like whereas when they're with a man that takes leadership they actually remain respectful they remain kind they remain in awe of their partner for a long time so I don't recommend ever being with a man that you can control you become a woman that you don't like unfortunately very interesting okay so if being with a man that you can control activates your mother instincts what activates a woman's sexual instincts being with a man that removes her fears and what that what I mean by that is physical fears like you're scared about the people whatever it but exists financial fears emotional fears when you're with a man that removes fears and replaces it with safety and connection and you know mutual respect then what happens is it activates a sexual desire you can like your mum says you can only orgasm and you trust so when he takes away your fears you can develop trust you might wrangle this into fears but I I believe very strongly that there's one more piece of the equation if you really want to activate a woman's sexually and that is you have to make her feel beautiful yeah I agree I really agree I genuinely think that a lot of women when they deny them in sex it's really because they haven't felt beautiful in so long so they think that if you don't find me beautiful what is the point women again I know I keep using the word narcissistic women but our sexual experience is narcissistic how much we enjoy it is entirely based with how you make us feel how beautiful and loves you make us feel and this is one of the reasons why I know I keep going back to pornography I encourage men never to watch pornography when they're growing up when they're young because what happens is they develop a dysfunction erectile and when a woman doesn't feel attractive she can never desire you again if a man can't keep his erection in the first couple of times if they have an established safety and have a loving relationship but first couple of times he can't keep an erection that woman cannot actually desire you again because you make up you're so ugly in that moment even though it's got nothing to do with you even though it might have nothing to do with you're the man's like inability to perform may have nothing to do with me but there's women take it so personal so personal and they'll never desire him again ever whereas another man who makes her feel like a god as she will desire him again and again so it's in your best interest to not worry about what move or what angle or whatever just make a stroke or ego in that moment honestly like my drop all right that is this very interesting there's no universe in which you don't get hate from women on some of this stuff yeah what do they say and with love in your heart because of course I what do they say and then with love in your heart what do you say back to them um I struggle to find the love in my heart a lot of the times if I'm very honest but what I would say is usually it goes straight to appearance um appearance is usually the first go to and so they don't even attack your argument they're just like it's quicker and my appearance um they'll call me ugly they'll say that it's all makeup and if they don't want to say that they'll say it's all surgery and all this nonsense so they're they're usually go to appearance then if they don't want to sound too bitter because they're going for someone's appearance is really it sounds a bit too obvious and they might go for your qualifications and they might say oh but you know psychology is a shit degree anyway and it's not proper qualified it's not this it's not that so they'll go for that and then final and uh kind of basically they'll go for my um my chastisies so they'll say I bet she's a lot I bet she's an escort so it usually goes in that order so they either attack you physically or academically or they attack you sexually so you know usually in that order and yeah so they're not because what I was hoping they were gonna give a counter argument it's very very rare that I find that it's very rare that I'll find a woman that will actually argue against what I'm saying they'll folk make it completely personalized and this is something I wasn't prepared for when you go on social media when you go on social media and it's like maybe an influencer or somebody who's promoting makeup and beauty and stuff you're very prepared for your appearance to be judged because you went on it for that I had zero idea that that would be the focus so what happens usually when I say a message that they don't agree with it goes straight to my appearance it goes it bypasses the message and goes straight to my appearance or my sexuality or something along those lines and to kind of lower my status as a woman let's take a short pause let's take a round we've got more powerful insights with Sadiakhan coming right up let's talk about the worst investment most guys make on repeat cheap clothes you buy them they look fine but six months later they're pilling shrinking or just falling apart so you replace them you do it again and again you're spending more over time and you never actually have anything worth keeping or wearing for that matter that's the whole model behind quince I've got one of their 100% pima cotton and the quality is immediately obvious from the second you pick them up they're soft well constructed the kind of thing that holds up over time and that is the point refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use head 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more effective argument somebody that's really going to address the idea instead of the the hominin attack of just trying to make out like your bad person okay so if I were talking to my daughter I have to step outside of my own beliefs in a second so I'm going to say what I think I'm going to steal man the argument and then we can get into what I actually believe so I want my I want to make sure that my daughter can fully embrace autonomy that she learns to think for herself yeah that she doesn't turn to anybody that she realizes we don't live on the savannah anymore that yes there are going to be some evolutionary wins at your back but you don't need to be a slave to your instincts and I want you to become whoever you want to become and you can become anybody there are women that have become astronauts there are women that have become rock stars there women that become prime ministers and presidents and literal soldiers there is nothing you can't do and you are as smart as a man the intelligence distribution is such that I mean I know the literal intelligence distribution is such that there are more men at the extreme so you have more brilliant men but they're more moronic men so you're going to be smarter than a lot a lot of men and so like really push yourself if you want to be a mathematician be a mathematician if you want to go into particle physics go into particle physics and you'll find somebody that you can love and you'll find somebody that loves you and if they want to stay at home and take care of the kids that is absolutely fine and yeah just the greatest joy in life is being who you really are I would say that but I just think genuinely speaking I think worst case scenario you want to be who you are but at least pick someone that if you needed to submit to you could even if you never need to you might never need to pull in that darling you might forever be and he's going to pull you honey and I'm speaking to my daughter telling you honey I'm going to make that very clear my my young darling that is uh he's going to he may steal your dream right and you'll end up supporting his dream and it's better to find somebody that supports you yeah I agree I agree yeah no I do agree because the thing is I wouldn't be able to do what I do if I didn't have that and so I definitely agree that having somebody but here's the thing I wouldn't like what I mean by having someone you could submit to I wouldn't submit to a man that's suppressing my dreams I'm suppressing my potential because he obviously doesn't know me and doesn't know my uniqueness or appreciates it so I choose somebody I would personally submit to when people hear the word submit they think of a tyrannical leader telling you what you can and can't do what I mean by that is you choose somebody who you're so aligned to you and so somebody you're so respect and you respect each other that if you needed to blindfold yourself you would trust him with where to go and if you don't find that why would you submit of course not but when I say submit I don't just mean pick a man listen to him I mean have a man that genuinely sees who you are understands what's best for you and therefore will guide you in the right direction and if you need him to take the wheel he will just usually what I mean by that yeah okay so now I'll see if I can articulate my point in a way so normally I would be inflammatory right now so fun to just be blunt okay remember that I'm married to a woman that I respect an incredible amount yeah but my advice to women is I believe there is enough evolutionary pressure at your back and enough evolutionary pressure at men's backs that for a husband and wife to be a team against the world and for you both to accomplish what you want to accomplish the following dynamic will work best given that 50% of you is unchangeable and that is I think hypergymy which is the female tendency to date across or up is is a very real thing and that women are very just evolutionarily you have an algorithm in your mind that will make you very comfortable with a man that that is equal to you in all things or above you but you will not be satisfied in a relationship where the man is below you yeah and I think that men will be happiest because I actually don't know what I think about women I think I don't yet know maybe as I say this out loud I'll have an opinion come to my mind men I think will be at their best in a relationship if they feel powerful right and they're not going to feel powerful if you're better than them at a lot of traditionally masculine things leadership being the easiest one to peg to you actually produce more cortisol in relationships with women that earn more than them or take more dominance and they literally experience more stress biologically and biochemically which actually decreases their testosterone so they have less sexual desire and more stress when they're around a woman who's more successful than them is that weird it is not weird at all it's fascinating but that rings so true and there's a great quote of course said by a man but everything is about sex except sex that's about power and the fascinating thing about when you were talking about a woman will not want to be with you if in those critical early moments you don't get an erection because she internalizes that you're not attracted to me and I remember hearing ones that women don't like photos of flaccid penis but that while they of course do not everybody listening they do not want you to send them dick pics of the rest of it but if they have to encounter a penis they are far more interested in one that's erect and so from a sexual vantage point because it means you find me desirable right so flip that now and for the guy if he's not getting an erection he doesn't feel powerful of this I assure you and something is going wrong he's in his own head as he would probably say and it's not an element of it to do with the woman it could but there could be a thousand I've said this before on camera I will say yeah the first time's probably not the only time but I will admit I am blessed because I stand shaped and I'm very attractive there are precious few times where I have a hard time maintaining an erection but it has happened yeah the first time it happened was so funny that it wasn't funny at the time but in the retelling is funny so poor at the time living in an apartment with thin walls and the guy above us we were having this really hot steamy moment like in a random part of the house and or apartment and we were going at it going very well and the guy upstairs sounds like he's dying of emphysema I mean he is just hacking up along and he's just coughing and it's that wet gross and so I'm just slow there was no music oh god it was so horrible and so that had nothing to do with my wife but it I didn't feel powerful I'm in my own head he sounds like he's dying it's just really fucking gross so yeah I was like oh god and so once you're in that zone now it had nothing to do with her but that is when you sort of break that spell and you're not feeling confident you're not feeling sexy not feeling powerful then you're in real trouble so that is there can be a whole host of reasons why you end up in trouble with that so anyway getting back to the initial thing I think that if for the the man and woman to work together I don't necessarily know that the woman needs to submit but the guy needs to lead and so but I have a real strong belief in life never ask someone to slow down so you can lead which means the guy has actually got to be the right person to lead and so and this is what I hold myself accountable into my marriage my wife is fucking amazing she's the best business partner I've ever had she's unbelievable she has an incredible business mind which I think took us both by surprise we were like whoa you're really good at this and so that's been amazing but it also made me realize yo I've got to step up my game because I've got to outperform and because I want to be the right person to lead now hey everybody public service announcement leadership is about knowing when to follow and so there are times where my wife is better at that kind of decision making and so I'll be like you're better at this and I'm right so saying that you're the quote-unquote leader does not mean that you're an idiot and you don't know when to listen to the other person and so a good leader also knows when to follow but that that really does not mean that we lead equal percentage of the time and I would say this in front of my wife I would give her every opportunity to say that I'm I'm not being honest trust me she agrees and so my wife the thing she's always said is I want to be as powerful as humanly possible and I want you to be so powerful that I can be small in your arms and I was like homie you get me like that's that's the juice because if if you couldn't authentically make me feel like that and if I did not think we make you feel like that this wouldn't work and so this is where I've empathy for the red pill community all of this shit is complicated it is very hard I think you know when you shoot above your range when it comes to a woman either you're choosing somebody physically out of your league or you know intellectually out of your league you always suffer you as a man and I know that they they kind of think no no it's okay to be with a woman that's 10 times more beautiful than yours okay to be with a woman who's was a success or whatever you can fix it unfortunately but what happened is she will use what she has above you to start losing respect for you sometimes so it's always if you'd like you said if you have to slow if you have to get some people to slow down for you to lean it's a recipe for disaster so it's always better to just shoot within your range so find a woman that you are naturally able to lead rather than picking whoever you want and forcing her to follow your leadership it won't work that way just pick within your range I love about the way that you talk about this it is hyper practical yeah and that is very much what I want for people so I'm not saying it's good or bad that it is this way but it is this way if you're going to choose a woman that's 20 times prettier than you are handsome unfortunately she'll feel irreplaceable and she might just start disrespecting you whereas when you pick somebody on the same level as you what will happen is you both feel irreplaceable to each other because you match each other so I meet so many men that are being abused by women and they're staying there because she's so beautiful but she's abusing him because she wants to know is he's not going he also does not respect himself she's why he accelerates him yeah and so that's why I just think shoot within your range and the problem with today's world is people are losing sight of what their range is whether that's financial or physical because of the materialistic or the kind of physical attributes of men and women are being highlighted on social media so we think it's a making loose side of their own range because they think it's accessible it's far more accessible than it is just because they see it because they see it when we see something we assume it's somewhat within our range so men are seeing beautiful women all day every day and they're thinking it's more accessible and when they're not getting it they're thinking oh okay I just need to make more money but if you have to rely on something external to access that that means it's not actually for you it's not actually joined for you yeah I don't know about that do you think so I think if I had to you know get a few surgeries to get the right guy for me we're not right for each other and similarly if a man had to make a couple of thousands a couple of more million to access me he himself is not right for me yes so do I mean yes here what you're saying is very complex in that if I needed to if I really wanted you and you would have nothing to do with me and I go make a couple more million and I come back and now you want me yeah bad news bears avoid avoid avoid but if you go make a couple million different women will now be in your league yes that's just real and ladies this is not me encouraging you to get plastic surgery in fact I've talked to my wife my wife used to be insecure better knows which she has talked openly about I love that fucking so I did not want her I would never have wanted her to get surgery it's not like she was contemplating anything but when she was a kid she did and when she brought that up to me I was like oh my god I love you knows but if she had gotten a nose job when she was a kid more guys probably would have been attracted to her so it's that's real I get it but I also think that you bought your compatible way that has to be in line with your actual self-esteem not your extrinsic value so I do think that yes let's say for example I get a bunch of surgery and stuff like that Sartia is still sorry she has a level of confidence in self-esteem that is pretty much stable now I might end up listening I get loads of surgery and I end up being with I don't know Chris Brown the reality is the real me is incompatible with him and I won't know how to navigate that kind of man I will feel insecure in his presence I'll feel like every woman is my competition because of the next guy with more surgery can attract him I won't feel like I attracted him I felt like something external attracted him which is easily replaceable similarly if you have to make a couple of a million to get hold of that pamma and some kind of woman unfortunately what that mean is you become replaceable all it takes is somebody else with that money the real you and the real person that you attract will eventually become irreplaceable if you use internal ingredients to attract a partner if you have let yourself go wouldn't say it's just men or women if you let yourself go completely your partner might still love you but they do not desire you the desire decreases if you're totally different to the person they signed up for yes I know they should be unconditional love but it's there's not unconditional desire desire is something that is more visual based so you owe it to each other to remain somewhat in the ballpark of what you were when you met and remain somewhat attracted to each other because there's just too many alternatives to that now it's just guarding your own marriage is to place a guard where women get it wrong is that they just expect it he should just be a desire I mean he should just love me he should just I know he should but he just won't you've got to remain somewhat in the same physical capabilities as you were when you first met for him to remain satisfied so I might say loyal but they won't necessarily be satisfied hold tight we're going to take a quick break all right let's pick up where we left off I think where people put their should's they'd be very careful because he should just be into me now you're setting yourself up for disaster but do you think men should also just realize that sometimes you can't maintain that level of physicality for the rest of your life or is it something that they can't always adapt I think dude look a message to young men for your own emotional well-being when you get with a woman and you decide this is you're gonna make a shot forever yeah you want to make sure that that person feels safe yeah and the safe isn't just physically safe the safe is emotionally safe and so when Lisa was 22 I was like I want you to hear me right now you are beautiful you're young you're gorgeous you're in great shape you have an amazing body beautiful face but you won't forever and I'm still going to love you I'm still gonna desire you and I want you to understand why I'm going to desire you at that age because we're going to spend the rest of our lives investing in each other being there for each other um sharing sexuality keeping this as hot as we can like doing all these things so that there's a playfulness there's a bonding to it there's a celebration of that right now we have youthful skin and we look great you know all that stuff but life moves and phases yeah and this is a temporary phase yeah and I want to take advantage of it while we have it but I don't want us to ever be surprised by how we will change yeah and so making those investments early on of both telling her you're beautiful now I'm extremely attracted to you now and in the future I'm going to be just as attracted to you but what could you do that would make would potentially make you less attracted to her because their problem is when men don't vocalize when they've lost attraction and then they just have a slow resentment towards their partner because they're not so that's why yeah so there have been times where both of us have not been in peak physical condition and look I used to walk around with six pack abs I'm now more like a two-ish pack ever still still very impressive still in shape like I've no big deal yeah but it's not like Lisa's like hey what the fuck she knows that I'm capable of being in better shape but there's a band in which she still finds me attracted and also the band is like you're not become a physically lazy person I think it's more than laziness that finds it that you might find unattractive but you're still in good shape it's just maybe we peak in traffic different stages but she hasn't seen you turn into a gluttonous person that she can no longer recognize so but is there anything she could do that would make her non-attractive to you physically or both so emotionally yes that that would be very easy if she stopped appreciating became hostile belligerent if she ever used my insecurities against me in a weaponized way all of that that's ugly to me yeah so that would be very problematic obviously infidelis just not sorry again that would be that but it wouldn't make you lose it it's just lost the relationship yeah yeah over I would lose respect yeah and I certainly wouldn't be attracted yeah physically yeah if she got lazy and let herself go and wasn't putting energy into her appearance if she didn't try to be sexy for me that would be problematic yeah I do expect her expect her to make an effort as she should expect me to make an effort and I think that's something that men just need to be more vocal about when they're speaking to their wives because it's so much better to have that difficult conversation than to have the difficult conversation that you've been texting another girl or that you've been watching xy and z it's just an easier conversation to have so be brave enough to have that conversation while then tiptoeing that conversation and waiting until the car crashes and you know she finds that something terrible out so it's just I don't know why do you think someone's struggle to have those open honest conversations is it because a recipient is not very receptive probably not they don't understand it themselves yeah they don't understand it themselves and when I say that if there's shakiness in your relationship your woman is not looking at you like a hero she doesn't make you powerful she doesn't anticipate your needs she's not making an effort or just any one of those things right there's a thing that's off in your relationship and somebody else gives you that attention the way it feels is so intoxicating it's like when a woman feels like imagine your husband makes you feel blah or even done right ugly and then somebody else is like whoa you are stunning what that's gonna do it's gonna light you up in a way and it doesn't matter who it's coming from just the feeling in itself is enough to attach to it so it's just creating those modes around your relationship to prevent it rather resenting these things because yes of course I would love it if you can just get as fat as you want and not make an effort ever again and no worries but it's just not realistic let's just be realistic with each other as difficult as it might be let's just be realistic so that you protect your own marriage just to guard your own marriage not to make you feel low but to elevate your relationship also what is almost certainly happening to that person to let themselves go like that yeah is all bad yeah nothing's good about that nothing's good they're in a dark place you're spiraling and that's where you really want to reach out for help and work with your spouse you can't just wallow in your insecurities and self-pity but sometimes people when they like really let themselves go it makes them more susceptible to affairs because they want to shortcut to self-esteem and usually that comes in the form of new attention and stuff so they actually the more you let yourself go the guys are always worried about the women that maintain themselves but you also need to worry about the person man or woman that's let themselves go they might look for cheap thrills to kind of elevate their self-esteem that's been dropping over the years so it is an important thing just self-respect is an important thing to look for in your partner I agree I want to talk about the future yes so what do you think is going to happen are we going to retreat from all of the promiscuity the dating apps and all of that or are AI girlfriends and sex robots gonna take over it's gonna go towards sex robots and allies it is definitely gonna go more towards that I remember when we first heard the word chat rooms we thought it's just where a bunch of feeder files connect but really over time we now got to the point where we're all talking online all day every day it's just got a different name to it so what seems so scary and so on like you know the idea of putting your relationships status online and all these things are so bizarre but then Facebook came and then Instagram came and then everything comes so what happens is the devil is quite patient with how much disclosure and how much you do online so it starts very small very small foot in the door technique but you'll get to the point where there's definitely AI and sex robots and that will definitely become I heard someone say something I might be on your channel where he was saying that even the robots will create like fear of infidelity and fear of like fighting and that just ignite the same human emotion but again without the man having all the woman having to work on any of the qualities that attracts true intimacy so it's a shortcut society that we're created and I think for as long as men worship vagina then it will get more the capitalist society will get is never gonna forget that that men will pay endless and one thing I've learned and isn't where my jadedness has come from it's men are deeply transactional their generosity is limited to the women that they're actually touching and sleeping with and they pay for these kind of things and when you have a capitalist society that understands that men would rather pay for webcam girls than pay their mom's medical bills or they'd rather pay a random brush or shoots you know school fees than pay their and daughter school fees you learn that men are so like engulfed in this area of life the quickest way to become a billionaire is to provide men a sexual access give them something that will give them sexual access and you'll become a billionaire overnight because that's what men reward and invest in sadly and I don't know why that is but they would literally really really put lots of money I see and I see this regularly you'll see men that will literally when it comes to say they'll say to me oh I don't really talk to my dad that much every time he calls me he just wants a bit of money or my brother he always wants a bit of money and yet they've got girls that they give so much money to they pay the rent for they pay the car for and she's nothing but disrespectful but they're they're while it is open for that girl but for their own family they're like oh no I'm not going to pay him it's the transactional nature to their generosity and I don't know if that's a new thing or if that's always been there but I have noticed that their generosity is very much linked to attraction and pleasure I admittedly can never be into a woman that was hostile towards me so that never resonates when you're like oh yeah that's never been a thing that's weird to me however if you look at the way that men engage with pornography versus the way that women engage with pornography so first of all female pornography tends to be books so it's a written word describing the internal state how people are feeling all of that a lot to build up before the act whereas male pornography is shots of the genitalia so when like if women really develop an understanding of male sexuality they will have a much easier time predicting men's behavior so when I hear that these guys put up with the belligerents or whatever and they put up with needing to pay for these girls what's really going on is going to be something like the following I make so much money and I'm so powerful I can just pay this chick's rent and she'll spread her legs for me and that's kind of evil and definitely gross but it's also powerful it's like yep I can just I'm so good like like they're gonna think of it in weird ways like this I'm going into this meeting with this guy and I'm gonna be able to negotiate terms over him I'm gonna win over him and that win is gonna come to me in the form of money and then I can use that money to get this bimbo to do whatever I want now this I'm painting a very dark picture of a certain type of guy but it's like that kind of chain is he isn't the sheep that's oh being abused by this poor woman no and the reason that he doesn't want to do it for his dad or whatever is because they're not triggering any of that he doesn't get access to anything from them that whereas if it's a woman that he is legitimately attracted to and he's effectively having a relationship with her genitals it's like there's still a thing look that there's just an evolution there drive it isn't that it's so wild like can you see why I get jaded I would advise you not to get jaded I would I'm praying yeah I would say don't be jaded is look it is yeah this is how nature has made us if anything there's a humor to the fact that a billionaire like Jeff Bezos I love you and I would love the interview you want to answer I hate always using this reference but he's one of the most disciplined businessmen of all time what he built is just unbelievable and he still got caught out sending a dick pic to his mistress it's like it's just even with like you know Elon Musk and both Johnny Depp and Elon Musk were in love with Amber Heard and so it just shows you that like you know this is there's obviously and people will be like oh but she's not all that and she's not this but because when you understand the male brain there must be something sexual that has got them attached and it's nothing more than that because the treatment is negative so yeah they do put that as a priority so yeah like I was saying the reason why I would say sex robots and all of these things it is a dream come true for men that don't want to work on their skills and here's the main thing and the reason why sex robots will definitely replace everything else is men have confused their desire for intimacy with the desire for sex when they finally meet a sex robot they can combine the two in their mind they get pseudo intimacy where you actually get a bit of connection to call you and stuff and they might get to reenact the sex but really what most men are truly craving is intimacy and how you know this is how quickly they can fall in love with a woman that makes them feel loved it's but if they're attracted to a woman she makes them feel loved it takes very few minutes for them to fall in love because their deep need is to look at men particularly as a man you're just built to be in tribes you're built for connection if you are lonely it is a slow death for a man and literally in a tribal times if you are lonely you're going to die you need a group to stay alive so that loneliness they'll do anything to avoid loneliness and they'll do anything to have sex so when you've got when you create an AI girlfriend you have literally if you were going to invest in anything that would make you a quick billionaire invest in those companies that are creating AI girlfriends exactly yeah so let me ask you said earlier that you could now begin to understand why the corona says that it's okay to have a second wife would you ever let your husband have an AI second no that would be worse that would be worse way worse i mean you're creep because here's the thing it's just like i would admire somebody's ability to have two wonderful women being in love with you that takes a work in effort a man that can get two women to be madly in love with him and loyal to him i can admire that as a form of masculinity but having a man in love with me and i'm competing with essentially a like a glorified iPad is insane to me like how am i competing with something that you have to charge on a battery like i would be mortified not because of the competition element because he's not the man i would admire a man that is so desperate for affection that he will you take it in the form of something that is electronic is not a man i admire and that's what really my main issue and same thing some women i meet some women that will say oh my husband he goes to escort but i don't mind that as much because at least there's no feelings and it's just quick devil this that and the other and for me it's like i understand the psychology behind escorts it's not that they're not actually going because of the quick ease and release they're going because they want to avoid rejection they want to be in environments where they don't get any feedback on their sexual performance that's really the underlying reason they'll say they'll kind of mask it and say it's because it's easy and you get you pay them to leave i've worked in hundreds of guys that have used escorts every single one of them has an insecurity in their sexual performance every single one because men who are secure in their sexual performance can get the same service from women that they don't have to pay they can get girls in the club that they'll sleep with that night and they should disappear as it's not the end of the world men who go to escorts every single one of them has either had issues with ejaculation from a jury ejaculation they're insecure about the size i'll always get it out of them at some point because i'll come to be like no no no it's just quick and easy to get rid of them and to be honest with me because you're handsome i can see that you've got lots going for you why would somebody like you go to an escort and then they seemingly admit i used to have a problem with ejaculation or i used to have a problem i'm not confident about the size of my penis or some girls have told me that they didn't like it so i just don't want that negative feedback so i i think women if you have a man that said oh i go to escorts because it's quick and easy he's actually masking his deeper in security so to go to a robot i can't imagine the level of insecurity that must be involved there that's interesting i have a totally different take on that talk to me uh so the tiktok algorithm is one of the most brilliant algorithms in terms of understanding what you want and giving you what you want to the point where you don't understand how much time just went by yeah and i think that the ai running the robots will be the same so first of all they will get so good that they feel like a real human but they'll just be that plus more so they'll pass the touring test so when you're talking to it yeah it's not like you're like well this is obviously a robot yeah like this is a real person and it will be a real person that will sometimes pull away just enough you feel like you have to pursue and convince and all that stuff and but they will they will optimize for your almost certainly in the beginning way they'll optimize for engagement so hopefully that's something positive and they don't turn into these hyper toxic relationships let's assume that they have a dial and you can be like i want to feel good and so it's getting feedback about how you feel and it's giving you more or less what you need to actually be imbalanced and so someone like me is going to have an ai that's like adding to his life and like pushing me to be better and you know all those things but it's also supportive and it looks like a hero and all that so i am beginning to hear women leak anxiety about okay i've always had to compete against pornography and the body standards and the sexual enthusiasm and all that and that's already exhausting and now i'm going to have to compete with the the perfect girlfriend who's literally like probably getting biometric data off of you so they know exactly what you're feeling and how to optimize it and oh i see you want my the my body temperature to be like half a degree warmer and you're lactose you're lactosey and i need to do this it could be anything that they could check yeah so then do you think that's only going to lead to women getting more lonely and lonely women tends to become more promiscuous women well i think they'll end up being a female solve so meaning that females will get their perfect man but we know the thing is i highly i would be very surprised that women would attach to ai robots because here's the thing with men sex is enough to create an attachment for women attachment is enough is needed to create the sex so i the fact that the attachment is invariably fake won't create the sexual desire well so now you're getting on to something else i guarantee it will be just as easy to fool a woman into generating desire unless they trial it's online or is it like a robot i'd be standing in front of you it like literally in fact okay can i finally review the truth yeah you're a robot i'm a robot the real tom is upstairs so uh it's going to be more a second i'm sorry because that's probably what it will be like but i mean i'm a very big skeptic and i always the way i talk it's like the world is ending every day but you know do you think there's a part of this room for this in our world because people are so lonely do you think it's a good resolution no oh god okay so here's what i think is going to happen technology will ultimately make things better but we will go through a brutal period of transition and that period of transition i will fingers crossed we don't annihilate ourselves with a nuclear weapon or with a biological weapon but assuming we get on the other side of that yes it will be better but it the long arc of history cares not for an individual generation so it will happily obliterate millions hundreds of millions whether just outright death or a terrible life where emotionally we're all super distraught because we're a transitional generation so i don't think we get on the other side in anything approaching a graceful manner yeah i do really create a i children as well like you can have children and i now you're on to my fetish secretly i hold in my head i'll go mad at this because i brought it up once before people went pretty nuts uh i will almost certainly at some point raise an ai child do you think so but i'll do it over like a three-year span yeah and so it'll go for like yeah because you'll be able to dial the speed so it'll be i only want to spend a weekend with that as a baby because i do want to feel like i earn a good i mean i'm making all of this up but i'm just saying when you carry out how the technology moves so in the beginning it'll be like a um atamagachi we'll just be a very convincing thing you're interacting with on a computer screen eventually it will be embodied as a robot and they'll just get better and better but yeah you'll be able to dial it in the version that i think will be created where it's like okay the terrible two is i only want to last for a week and the teenager is oh my god like we're you know only gonna deal with that for a month but then isn't that just gonna enhance depression because the whole our buffer for depression psychologically is our ability to deal with tough times my ability to take rejection our ability to handle loneliness all negative emotion has a so ability to thrive through it that's going to actually act as a buffer for depression but it's kind of warding ourselves away from it doesn't create the skills and tools we need for strong mental health so how do we prevent a nation of depressed people the ai will be optimized to make you the strongest most resilient most anxiety and depression for your human on the planet remember we're gonna pass through a brutal period you and i both agree it will get very bad before it gets good and so in the early days it's gonna be kids spending nine hours a day talking to replica on their phone and they you know aren't able to get a real girlfriend in the real world they don't have any advantages of it passing like a true touring test it'll be a nightmare but on the other side of this you will be able to have relationships that are optimized completely to you the most loving the most most intentional this was the intention of the people not creating this uh well i mean now we're gonna reopen the can of worms around capital yeah because you can't get people to work without compensation so that means that then money's going to be involved yeah and that's how you're gonna motivate people and then if you don't allow them to garner enough capital they won't work which is why uh china started floundering and they had to bring in state sponsored capitalism but nonetheless a variance of capitalism rush had to do the same and so yeah capitalism will once again get involved so money is the intention and kind money is the thing that whenever the intention is money then we have to compromise human health that is false okay oh god we're gonna derail again sorry for the reason for me this is a good test to find out what my audience thinks okay so money deranges people largely because it's a fiat currency that the government says uh this is money and then they can manipulate it and they not only tax you to all hell but they do uh money printing and they money money printing is the same as devaluing the money that you hold so it's it is another hidden tax so when you hear other printing money you get excited yeah this is amazing the reality is that they're socializing the losses so they're buying assets which is why people get really mad but they don't understand why they're getting mad because they think i got a steamy check from the government yes but the way that they do that is they inject that into the financial system by buying assets so the people that are rich that own the assets they benefit and then everybody even the poorest among us get diluted so their buying power goes down so they feel like but i got a six thousand dollar check this is insane i've never had this much money in one check ever in my life yes but your money is worthless now and so now the price of bread went up and so that six thousand dollars didn't really get you much unless you invest it which of course you won't uh so when you derange money now you make money deranging now i'm not letting capitalism off the hook for it just creates a winner take all scenario there really is that you get this increasing divide and so you have to have very um smart policies that encourage people to pay their taxes reinvest in their business and it's never going to be a an equitable system where everybody ends up with the same thing it just doesn't work that way that can only be imposed by force and once you impose it by force just goes down and handbasket so money is not inherently compromising yeah but if you steal obviously problematic but oftentimes a lot of the theft is coming from the government in terms of the way that they money print to get this hidden tax so on and so do you recommend the AI government that we be ruled by AI yeah i don't know yet okay so this is one where i'm not willing to seed control yet i may see it go oh yeah we really should but right now i just have a knee jerk reaction to i don't want anything to be able to tell me what to do i'd be real problem of authority okay AI or otherwise and but your an advocate technology you do agree as it's advanced or you do like the advancement of technology i like the advancement of technology i think it's a one-way street the way that the human mind is designed you're never going to go backwards okay however i do think that society will bifurcate and that some people will completely reject technology and go back to something akin to the 90s yeah i don't see it going back unfortunately but i just i think the measure of any kind of whenever we introduce something new in society how we measure whether or not it's good or not is by the remnants of people's mental health because obviously i'm coming from a psychological perspective and if anything is decreasing or increasing our depression anxiety loneliness it can't be a good thing even if it's causing people to make billions so that's why my it sounds bizarre considering my life is all built on technology from an objective standpoint i don't think it's a healthy thing for society to get more indulged in the one thing that has caused so much destruction to people's mental health over the last decade yeah but that's just my thing i think it's a very wise take and i think that technology is not a utopia no it will be a very bumpy ride well probably will we live through it or is it going to be the next generation we'll live through it okay it's going to be that fast get walloped in the next ten years your life will be unrecognizable to a level that will shock so our husband's in the nursing homes might be having affairs with our votes uh husband's in nursing homes probably won't be nursing because by then we will have mastered the health things that we need to keep them going so yeah if i in 30 years i will be in my 70s so assuming i keep myself in good shape yep in 30 years it will you're probably past what's known as the singularity where things are changing so fast it is absolutely impossible to predict okay yeah it's an impossibility it's going to be growing up in London in the uk where i didn't see oppression towards women if anything i only found hostility between women rather than between men and women and i found that the quickest and easiest way to show that you have a fight and you're involved in making the world a better place is to claim you're a feminist and claim that you are out there to stop men oppressing women but in my personal experience where i kept experiencing is women oppressing other women particularly at work so i found um yeah why particularly at work um maybe it was my personal experience but what i found working with women um put it in the uk and working with british women in general is there was a level of wanting to put of being very good friends with women until you feel like they might surpass you and particularly in work environment and i found that they would encourage men more than they would encourage women in a teaching environment so if they have a male colleague they will kind of encourage him towards promotion but they wouldn't encourage women i remember walking into interviews and if i would see a panel of women i would automatically know i'm not getting the job and i would walk out and walk out and just think there's no point because if i would see a man woman a man i'd be okay i stand a chance and i'd go in with it and i always found having a female boss was torturous i always every job i worked in if i had a female boss i was a matter of time before i felt bullied out of it i only felt it from women and i don't know if that's a gender thing or if that's an appearance thing or if that is just an age thing because i was younger then i don't know what the confounding variable was but it kept me a bit suspicious of the feminist movement because i couldn't understand why the enemy was men when it felt like the enemy was within interesting okay let's start teasing this idea apart um is it possible that the anecdotal thing experiences that you've had aren't necessarily uh they don't absolve men so we can set aside that men may still be evil and problematic we will address but well in the research and please feel free to google but i felt like i think i read a study that suggested that 80 percent of women felt like they had hostility from other women at work yeah i said that i knew i never had work yeah and i don't know it could just be a TED talk that i listened to and i just absorbed it because i felt like that um but i felt like um there was a lot of hostility within women rather than between the genders and i always felt like there's a possible you think this because you're attractive um potentially without realizing i don't know what the world looks like when you are not a threat to any woman i don't know what the world if i'm being honest and it sounds very very conceited but women see threats and women and not necessarily because she's busy might just simply be because she wears a bit of makeup and wears a few heels and whatever it is so i felt like i didn't know whether it was a personal thing or whether it's just women with women i didn't know how to understand but what i did know is men were never the enemy and have never been the enemy and even and this is why i love Lisa so much even when i do podcast um i tend to prefer when i'm aside from Lisa because she's so well established and so secure in herself but generally male podcasts are supposed to be more encouraging and tends to be very proud of my progress i don't feel the same outside of that so it could be my personal experience so i don't want to talk for everybody but that's why i was so skeptical about the feminist movement wow that's really interesting all right let's see what we have here research suggests that women actually play a significant role in perpetuating the gender gap due to the concept known as female hostility i genuinely never went for a promotion when i would know that there was females on the panel i would never go for it whereas if it was men on the panel i'd be like let me try my luck maybe wear something tight and try my luck okay so what is feminism as a movement if from my personal perspective i can't talk objectively from my personal perspective it feels like the most privileged members of female history claiming to be oppressed which i can't see why in throughout female history historically we've never had it easier we've never had it so beneficial we've never been so benefited so to see these women and i still believe that we are a beneficial to men in so many ways like personally i know if i got stopped by the police and somebody like my brother got stopped by the police for the same crime i i guarantee you i would leave with a smile and a thank you and i would leave i would say safely so i know i'm privileged it's superiorly to most men in most circumstances i know i can speak to a boss in a way way that a probably a man couldn't i know i could speak to police officers in a way that other men i feel incredibly privileged as a woman and therefore i don't understand the movement so it confuses me and i don't know if it's because my skin is so light i don't know if it's because of some element of you know if it's that and that would be racism not that's why i don't believe i don't believe there is a gender issue i still believe like my dad with an accent and brown skin would have a disadvantage against an english white woman in a job environment i don't think he has the superior chances of getting a promotion just because he's a man i think if anything she has it so that's why i never understood it okay so now let's uh let me try to steal man the argument on the other side women have only been in the workforce for whatever 50 60 years um there's so much historical legacy of sexism i mean you guys had to literally throw yourself in front of horses and shit just to get the right to vote yeah uh it's a real story by the way i think she even died she did die crazy emily something yeah so absolutely bananas that this sort of default stance was of course you can't vote yeah um and even winston churchill who i think is phenomenal at first was like yeah winners should be allowed to vote obviously uh so one thing i always say to that when people tell me that is at a time where white women couldn't vote they could still own black slaves that's horrifying let's say for example i'm a white woman who couldn't vote i could still own a black man as a slave so do men have an advantage black woman so that's like a black woman but then does it show me that women had it bad if it really was a gender thing wouldn't it just be men above women but what's really going on is that there was a class system issues so the reality is if i woman i was claiming i was so oppressed in 1920 i could still get a black man arrested and lynched but whistling at me okay so you're saying the breakdown the problematic breakdown is not along gender lines there's a problematic breakdown on race lines way deeper than that yeah it's way it's probably more money than it is anything else in the reality of things money is the real uh division between people i think it's gender related this is some race don't i still believe that as a woman of color if i earn a certain amount i would have saying all no more privileges than a white woman who earn nothing so i would still say it's money related but i don't think it's gender related i really don't think it is it makes no sense to me that a woman would complain about not being able to vote but she would have a monopoly over men of color at the time so was it so much gender in my mind i could be wrong if we can remove any of the confounding variables i'm certain that make it easier so if we just talk about the things that you hear the gender pay gap that comes up a lot uh women being expected to be at home women having a harder time getting promoted at work uh do you have any steps well what would make me feel like a little bit what i would try and understand that is when i see women not getting paid as much i have to remember in from what i see is women once they have children choose part-time roles more than men choose to be part-time after children so like it makes promotion on a more logical stance less realistic it's just less realistic i'm going to pay you to do a promoted role when three days out of the week you're not there so it doesn't seem like it's gender related it's circumstantial i don't think we're victims because we're women i think our biology and our evolutionary pressures direct us in a way that make us less proficient in and workforce is but it's not because we are our gender it's because of our biological pressures and our personal choices so that's what i experienced um from my work i could be wrong but i think the stats would suggest that women probably would choose to be part-time after kids far more than men would yeah that that i think the data will bear that out but i also just don't think why we why we're creating that division i don't understand it i think if we looked at historically everybody suffered at some stage or not yeah and it would usually be the people who would escape suffering tend to be the ones with money not necessarily men well not necessarily just white people it would be in people with money and so that's why i try not to go down the gender route and the whole idea of feminism and stuff even though i get so many messages and i'm very grateful for women who are like oh you're inspiring and i'm like oh but you need to be careful because i'm not feminist i'm gonna offend you at some point but you know so they're gonna hate me so i always try and take it with a pinch of self because i know the moment i talk about feminism all of that strength but they love hearing me talk about when it comes to red people goes straight to anger and resentment when i talk about feminism which is why i almost feel like maybe i am gender neutral maybe i am a day then because i tend to be quite balanced and neutral i try to be but is that offensive what i'm saying i know it might be taken as such but i don't mean it in an offensive way um i am not i'm not at all offended to me these things are empirical questions that have data that backs them up and so looking at that um seems self evident so to address one part of this which is the gender pay gap which thomas soul has spoken very eloquently to and he said if you compare um it's basically women that have never had kids versus everybody else and so women that have never had kids if i'm not mistaken end up outperforming i would imagine uh men and that really it's a mother you can think of it as a mother tax i imagine now i would think from an evolutionary perspective that women would feel pretty good with their choice about i want to go home and spend time with my kids um so that one doesn't seem super surprising to me and i always come at it from from a just pure entrepreneur standpoint and i'm like i could not care less if the person is a woman right so but if you leave which i've never had a guy leave when you had a kid yeah but i've had women yeah many women me too because they have kids and god bless them like go to your thing i'm very happy for them but the irony is i'll have women hey i'm you know i've gotten pregnant i'm gonna be taking leave i'm amazing i'm so excited for you and they're like but i'm definitely coming back and i'm always like hey everybody says that they never come back you're gonna want to wait until you actually hold that kid in your arms and then make your life decision it's a beautiful decision to make thank you for your service thank you for your service guys you know it's a beautiful decision to make but the then the agony about the gender pay gaps makes no sense like you i know so many women who at the moment they have a child every all their career doesn't mean so when they fight about feminism and gender pay gaps and stuff like that it feels like an empty fight it feels like a self-inflicted wound that they're trying to cover up but what is it fighting for like maybe i've just got it wrong because i've always been anti-feminism but maybe i've misunderstood it because i've just my personal experience and also i'm very biased i have a bunch of sisters i'm not close to so i grew up with a negativity towards women so maybe that's what made me less sympathetic to their causes so maybe i'm missing something well lisa i think and i don't want to get her in trouble here speaking on her behalf but the way that she's always seen this is um she is a strong independent earns her own money does her own thing and her take is anything that's anti-men i am a hundred percent opposed to just as i'm opposed to anything that's anti-women um we are partners and if like my whole thing is the whoever the world is made up of men and women come together yeah celebrate what each other is good at we are going to we have been evolutionarily shaped to be different but we overlap far more than we are different and recognizing that we each bring something to the party and wanting to celebrate that to me is the only thing that makes sense i do not see women in an adversarial sense but at the same time going back to the idea that the brain is a prediction engine women don't make sense to me when i think of them like a man but when i learn about women and i learn how their minds work and what their bias towards then i can predict their behaviors and women the same with men and so the the thing i worry about is anything that makes us adversarial which the modern feminist movement seems very anti-men and then anything that says there is no difference yeah and that we're all the same we can be whatever we want that's what i'm like reality is going to bite you in the ass this is going to get really proud and i have to preface that i haven't worked in a corporate industry so i don't know what it's like in those environments where there's corporate you know women do dominate and stuff but i do just think you might the privilege i approve it is i have from being a woman outweigh any of the clans of being them and i that might be being a particular type of woman but it just feels like having a feminine energy definitely works in your favor when it comes to do just the raw system or when it just comes to getting helping behavior and stuff i don't really feel that like disadvantage from being a woman in any way shape or form yeah the way that i think this breaks down in reality is men and women are different and so people are going to be very confused sometimes offended guys are going to speak in a way that women don't like women are going to speak in a way that men don't like and so they're i thought a lot about this when it comes to race and it's really not about any given race it's about who's the majority and certainly who's the majority in power and so if you think about that because i'm obsessed with japanese culture but you could make a pretty compelling argument that the japanese are freakishly racist in japan in the sense that they don't even let outsiders like the percentage of outsiders they don't try and hide it or anything like that and they'll take pictures of you of different color and stuff like that but here's what i and devise races i live in japanese and your passport determines your pay gap and you know and stuff like that so it's nothing to do with the agenda you come in with the passport a british passport you'll get paid more if you have a Pakistani party really yeah and i'm Pakistani wait that's like it's actually an official thing it's an official thing you know it's written down somewhere it's an official thing yeah so we could go but i could be a doctor and somebody from Pakistan with the Pakistani passport could be a doctor and i'll be paid more because i have a british passport and they have a Pakistani passport and i don't mean this in any offense to to buy or anything like that because i very much love the country to work in but there is very clear divisions and it's very much like they still get paid far more than they would in Pakistan but it's definitely far less than i would get as a british citizen and americans and i have a dual passport so i just you know handy my british passport and i get paid you know very considerably a lot better yeah it's shocking but here's what happens in those environments what i don't what i like about it is it's clear as day you can either come or you don't it's up to you well i found difficult in in the uk is that it's almost hidden or it's almost structurally so i'd rather just know where i stand and then i can either choose to be a part of it or i can leave but when it's not there and it's almost structural i find that harder to navigate because i felt like there was there is a division in terms of like not so much ethnicity but values because i don't drink and i don't go to the pub after work and i don't go out with them and you know how they socialize i'm limited in how much i can access the you know the in crowd when it comes to work so i'd rather it just be on paper is that wild that i that's wild yeah i would rather god this really is i would rather it not be on paper because there's nothing you can do when it's on paper i don't like the illusions i keep it real with me yeah but she needs our like that so first of all they don't like they don't think they're doing it and that's the thing they don't think i have to say that they don't mean to do it yeah it's not coming from a malicious place they don't realize they're doing it a lot of the time a hundred percent and win so for instance when i see an all-woman company i'm excited for them yeah word do your thing yeah but then i also think that if a guy wants to be able to do an all-male company yeah because then it's like i personally yeah here's what i my current thesis is higher for culture for sure you want to share values with people and then find the smartest hardest working people you can find male or female yeah but an all-male company would be easier to get along because i can talk i know how i can talk i know how they're going to interpret things yeah and you know what paternity leave looks like and you know that they are coming back and i completely understand that um so you know like i said i could be totally wrong but because i'm somebody who's so let's keep it real with me just keep it real with me i'd rather be in an environment where i know what the score is then given the illusion of hope but you can make it but probably you know i definitely wouldn't like that you would really yeah i really i can't have a rule that says like i can't do this i mean to me that's like 1960s america where like we're literally just like fuck you yeah red line that's what it is yeah that's really really gnarly and i need to believe that even if one of the things i have to get good at is fitting in the cool like so japan i thought a lot about this at one point i considered like do i convinced Lisa to move to japan like i'm into japan that kind of way yeah and i thought okay i would have to deal with societal racism i don't i don't want to put that word on it but it's a story that just the way they cut because i don't know how to describe this because i like school of fish i'm much more comfortable saying school of fish because i don't think that they have i don't think they mean it in our hearts it's just their country is their country and they are used to seeing a c of japanese people and they don't love the idea whatever i get it i come from america where we're a melting pot i love that and that's a huge part of my identity is i think that's dope and i'm a big believer in you you can only get to the truth by having a lot of different perspectives i think it's really powerful i think you want to share values and not share insights um so that i'll just call school of fish what you're up against is school of fish people tend to flock with people that look like them as a proxy for people that think like them and there's an evolutionary reason for that so for sure i think honestly all humans really care about is do you share my values that's the that's the thing that everything else is a proxy color is an indicator of that correct so we just understand it yeah it's a shared thing yeah it's a shared thing now it goes super fucking wrong humans are weird and we have an us versus them thing that is not it doesn't serve us well in a modern context no but it makes total evolutionary sense if somebody was a different color to you and but coming into your tribe you would know they're there to invade they're not there to say hi to you so it makes sense to have a level of fear or skepticism of people of different colors it doesn't necessarily have to mean that it's coming from a negative place or that's why i understand japanese culture i don't feel like they mean it maliciously they don't understand they're so lovely i consider moving there but at the same time i get it white people tend to have a hard time outsiders they have a real problem with foreigners right okay what do they think you're gonna do i have no idea i have that i won't speak to i don't know that's about it but i know some people that grew up in america that now live there and they're like bro when they had a breakdown of who got the vaccine when it was like foreigners were like in 97 place it was like every conceivable stack of japanese person yes and then the like sickest oldest foreigner then they could find the get it but it was like you know you're perfectly healthy 19 year old japanese kid 100 percent was getting the vaccine you know i come there's a weirdness to it when i'm in cultures which prioritize their own culture first i almost just sign the imaginary contract and accept that's the way of it whereas when you go up in a country which spells the idea of racism and says that where everybody's equal you almost end up looking for the inequalities more there is something to that but i think here's where it breaks for me if you're born in that country it's pretty shitty to say well why don't you go move to a different country fuck yeah like so now that's that's rough and as an american like i dig the whole melting pot thing yeah so it's like i want this to be a rad place but for people who share my values like i care about values yeah and so that's where i can get like i really believe in freedom of speech yeah and so when people are like you should have freedom of speech then i get the heebie jubies and then we're due to all the line between freedom of speech and freedom to offend i think you should be allowed to offend anybody okay i say it's an equal yeah the only thing i'll say is you shouldn't be able to incite violence yeah i agree i agree but i think you can offend everybody with as long as you're looking for the pursuit of truth i think if somebody's intention is to find truth and if you're trying to be funny if it's trying to be if it's a comedian or something yeah i find that funny i can take a joke okay so if you do you have to be a comedian to say um usually with a comedian the goal is to make people laugh rather than goal is to offend yes but dave shappelle makes a lot of people very very very mad i'm a big fan of dave shappelle so am i i i'm a huge fan and what i love about his comedy is he's not he's not far from the truth in the jokes he's making he makes jokes but they are what if he wasn't because here's what i'm protecting against i do not want anyone to be the arbiter of whether they think he's going for truth so i would only say is that the truth is never offended by reality and what i mean by that is if i like to act i'm wisdom i believe it to be true now if you come up with real examples chances are you won't knock my face but if i believe something that's relatively delusional i will constantly be offended by reality and that's what i always say is if you're offended by reality you have to reassess your truth because reality shouldn't offend you now when dave shappelle makes a few jokes he usually takes reality and throws it in the face of people he thinks are to walk to reality and i just think genuinely speaking if you stand on truth it won't be offended by reality reality will only confirm your truth i see people offended by the truth all the time then they they're holding on to a delusional belief i agree with them but who gets to decide what's delusional well reality does reality testing so here's the thing like for example i watch matt while she is what is a woman and then he would ask people what is a woman and they're like oh you have to ask a woman i'm not a woman that doesn't there's no they don't they find biology offensive and if you're finding reality offensive then your truth is delusional but they're gonna say that you're delusional so i'll steal man their side of the argument yeah um you're confusing biological sex with gender and gender is generated in the brain and it is a spectrum and so what you're calling a woman is really somebody that is a birthing person i forget the version is so but now what do you do with that because they believe that they are correct well i would say to that is that if you believe gender is a psychological construct why when you are a man that wants to be a woman do you change your biology yeah i mean i can give you an answer and i can steal man them till the end of time but i think the real question to ask is what should happen to somebody who is obviously wrong but they're saying something but it's not that anything should happen to them we should keep saying they can say it but we shouldn't be keep tiptoeing around the dilution oh i think everybody should say what they do everyone should say whatever they want they want to be legally sanctioned to tiptoe and offend the person who is attached to reality which is what's starting to happen i take i take a different stance on that which is that i don't think we want people determining what is true i think going back to my obsession the key is that you don't want anybody who gets to be the arbiter of what is true because that's where we run into trouble i actually think the truth is oftentimes very difficult to ascertain i think the truth is subjective i don't think the truth is subjective i think the truth is hard to identify so think about newton so many people say he's the smartest man to ever live but he was wrong about physics but he was so close that we were able to pinpoint the movement of the stars the heavens and the earth and all that newtonian physics got us to the moon but we needed Einstein's physics in order to create gps nuclear energy atomic weapons etc so newton's wrong but it was still useful Einstein is wrong even though he moved his word but he still doesn't have a yeah he doesn't have a unified theory now imagine if everybody said hey hey Einstein shut up that's wrong it doesn't make any sense you need to stop with that because that's what people did when he first came up the idea everybody thought he was out of his mind and i think that is super dangerous and yet humans do it all the time do you think the gender debate we should ground it in reality or ground it in people's emotional responses to being offended i you can't ever do i hear me when i say yeah somebody getting offended is completely irrelevant yeah and this should all be about i mean depending like you're gonna have to break everything up into its subcategories i think people should be able to live their lives however they want yeah i think people should be treated with respect and i think that you if you're putting forward something as true we should be able to put it through the scientific method to find out if that actually is true and everybody should champion that nobody should say whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa that is a thing that's beyond reproach you can't question that sure the question everything right everything and so like it should we put it through the psychological the biological testing of just gender genitals or should we just you know accept their reality with that that's going to come down to entirely why are we testing it what are we trying to figure out what's the the purpose or the point what is the outcome that what is the outcome that's bringing the question to bear so i don't live in a later i don't know how big the debate is here where i'm farmed by this non-existent but is it quite a big debate in america in day-to-day existence i never encountered on the internet i can't really do on the internet it seems like everybody in america doesn't know what gender means anymore it comes up in some very surprising moments yeah and i have my share of worries when it comes to kids that's where i get concerned yeah i always get concerned anytime that the biggest beneficiary of any law is a pharmaceutical that is probably a very reasonable thing so the only stance i will take is everyone should be able to question everything so people should be able to question the pharmaceutical industry they should be able to know everything all that nothing should be beyond reproach and the scientific method should be our ultimate arbiter of truth when we need to pin something down so it's a way of testing the literacy yeah 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