When Childhood Enters Love. What could possibly go wrong?

Send us Fan MailChildhood doesn’t stay in childhood. We carry it straight into our friendships, our romantic partnerships, and eventually our own parenting, often without realizing it. Kim Lee Jardin, adolescent psychotherapist, unpacks how avoidant parenting shapes the internal working model we build early on: a largely unconscious prediction system that decides whether people will be there for us, whether our needs will be tolerated, and whether we’re worthy of care. That model can sit beneath “I want closeness” while whispering “expect abandonment,” creating confusion and repeated heartbreak.We talk through the real-world patterns that show up in adult relationships: the approach-and-retreat cycle, the fiercely independent partner who looks strong but disappears emotionally under stress, and the “space routine” that becomes distance when it’s the only response to tension. We also explore why receiving kindness can feel exposing, why gratitude can feel dangerous, and how partners can end up trapped in a painful imbalance where one person self-protects and the other becomes emotionally depleted.You’ll hear how some adults swing the other way and become the pursuer, chasing unavailable partners and escalating effort when the other withdraws, and why anger can become an attempt to force contact when separateness feels like rejection. We draw a clear line between freedom and avoidance, and we come back to the skill that makes relationships resilient: repair after conflict. If any of this feels familiar, listen closely, share it with someone who needs it, and subscribe, rate, and leave a review so more people can find this series.