When Does Cheating End a Relationship? With Dr. Jennifer Schneider

Dr. Jennifer Schneider, M.D., PhD, is a nationally recognized expert in addictive sexual disorders and in the management of chronic pain with opioids, an area that certainly needs more exposure. She joins the show to talk about what happens when a betrayed partner feels as though they want to end the relationship and a few real-life examples of why someone may want to leave for good. She gives her own personal experience with the subject and discusses the personal growth that needs to occur in order for someone to walk away. She and Rob also discuss the books they have written together, the importance of support groups, and resources for betrayed partners experiencing trauma.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:57] Dr. Schneider is the author of 15 books and numerous articles in professional journals. She and Rob also have written two together, including Closer Together, Further Apart and Always Turned On. [4:00] Dr. Schneider was a betrayed partner herself and discusses the self confidence and awareness she developed to get clarity and realize she was ready to leave the situation.  [5:26] Betrayed partners need support, and they have to be okay with the independence and inner work that comes with leaving a situation that no longer serves them.  [13:15] The partner that acted out may have a totally different story after recovery than while they are in a mode of lying and cheating. It is possible that partners will find out later that there are even more lies than they thought, and they have to decide whether they want to stick around to make that distinction or not.  [15:48] Dr. Schneider found that things shifted for her own personal relationship once she was able to understand the patterns and behavior of her then husband. She took a first step by going to Al-Anon, and began to get the skills and self esteem to build up her own self confidence.  [18:10] There is power in support from others. Dr. Schneider has found it very beneficial to attend support groups and found the benefits one of the biggest gifts in healing. [21:55] Betrayed partners are going through a major trauma, but Dr. Schneider doesn’t see them as solely a victim.  [24:02] By healing our own wounds we become less needy and vulnerable, and are able to make better decisions intellectually about love.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency [email protected] Back from Betrayal  Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness Closer Together, Further Apart Always Turned On Al-Anon Jennifer Schneider    QUOTES: “The answer comes from who you are, and what you want from life and yourself.”  “As long as it’s too fearful to end the relationship, you will stay and make excuses.”  “All of our needs come up when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.”