When Great Men Don't Get Laid, They Build New Societies - Episode 9 episode artwork

EPISODE · Jul 20, 2025 · 29 MIN

When Great Men Don't Get Laid, They Build New Societies - Episode 9

from ReTribalize Podcast · host Kristian Bell

There is a very real dating crisis today.Men feel it. Women feel it too.Some of you did well back in high school or college — maybe you were attractive, mildly popular, or solid in your circles. But now? Even with enormous effort, you can’t get a decent match. The few that do come through often aren’t right… or are downright catastrophic.Why?Because of community collapse.And this will spark a new kind of revolution — not centralized, but decentralized.Let me explain.PART I: Community Solves the Dating CrisisSuperficial Status vs. True StatusIn tribal society, people saw you. A woman might see a man win — see how he leads with strength and love. She sees how younger men respect him. That man is attractive. Admired. Respected. His honour and opportunities grow.That’s how it worked for hundreds of thousands of years.But now?How many people actually see your wins, your virtues?How many even know you beyond the surface?Most people only catch a glimpse — on a dating profile, in a checkout line, at a party.No depth. No reputation. No context.Without community, we are all living in unfamiliar worlds.The Unfamiliar WorldOutside of college or the workplace — it’s all unfamiliar now.I never had either of those.So we’re left with shrinking peer groups, disconnected lives.We “date” through:* Bars* Clubs* Dating apps* Cold approachesAnd we try to make friends through:* Networking events* Gyms* Sports* Brief interactionsBut it doesn’t work.Social dynamics break down in unfamiliar environments.We no longer have the time or context to really know one another. This creates a world ruled by superficial status — and that is destroying dating, friendship, marriage, and the future of civilization.Some Real ExamplesI was just at a retreat.There was a beautiful Instagram-type woman there. One short interaction — I could tell immediately she wasn’t for me. But as the retreat went on, a woman I’d overlooked at first stole into my heart.Another common example:An office worker might be a well-liked, kind, quirky guy with depth and discipline — but he never gets a date outside the office. Meanwhile, the douchey co-worker everyone hates? He kills it on the dating apps.Why?Because apps reward superficial status, not true character.Met a good friend in Mexico.Shy, reserved — not the usual type of guy I connect with. But once we lived together, I saw his intelligence, depth, and thoughtful nature.We vibed hard. Became great friends.But he’s invisible in superficial spaces. Most girls pass him over instantly. (Yes, he could improve his presentation… but that’s not the full issue.)The Truth About Status🌞 The most insecure people chase superficial status the hardest.They live outward-in:* Bodybuilding* Money* Image* Politics* Sexual appealAll based on what’s rewarded by the market.They conform to the current icons of status, not to truth. I’ve seen it again and again. Old friends, lost in the sauce. Chasing "likes," chasing approval. All because they were insecure deep down.Superficial status gets you short-term wins.But long-term? It hollows you out.True Status looks like:* Confidence, intelligence, virtue* Humor, playfulness, wit* Leadership, masculine edge* Stories, scars, wisdomMen of substance don’t pander.They individuate.But gold doesn’t always glitter — and what glitters isn’t always gold.That’s the frustration in today’s world.Because real men are NOT witnessed.If they were, they’d naturally be seen as high-value.Because in community, status emerges.My Own ExperienceAllow me a moment of shameless arrogance:In most communities, I become well-liked pretty fast.I’ve got social skills, talents. I’m grounded. I show up.But dating in my early 20s was brutal.Every community I was part of had older people.And the younger ones? They were all:* In college* Working* On their phones* Not going outEven now, at 27, I go out constantly — to dances, parties, coworking spots, gyms. I say hi to everyone.But where the f*ck are the other late-20s people actually hanging out?Where’s the real, vibrant community?It barely exists.Maybe a run club, a boutique gym… but still too scattered. Too unfamiliar.Status Filters the World — But Only In CommunityStatus is a natural filter.It’s how social creatures orient toward what matters.But this filter breaks down without real community.And when you change the icons of status, you change the kind of people we strive to become.Sex Symbols & Masculine IdealsIf being rich is what gets women, men will chase that.If being excellent is what earns respect, men will chase that.Status is always shaping us.Intelligent societies design their status systems — and their dating rituals — to ensure people strive to become extraordinary.FINAL CONCLUSION:When good men develop themselves — their skills, virtues, wolfpacks — and still go unseen?They leave.They build something new.Because deep down, we all want the same thing:* A village with our friends* A good queen* A true brotherhood* A tribe we love and take pride inModern life has stripped these natural elements away.And while the average man might still manage a job or a relationship…The great men I know — the ones who listen to this podcast — are already setting sail for new shores.They are finding their people.They are building the new world.SOLVING THE DATING CRISIS & ReTRIBALIZEA) Build or Join Real CommunityGood dating starts with:* Large peer groups* Tight-knit friendships* Real-life environments — NOT more appsThis is crucial for women too.Best places to start:* Dance* Climbing gyms* Boutique gyms* Run clubs* Classes* Craft clubs* Favorite café or coworking spaceGo consistently. Say hi.Start a weekly dinner or event. Build your own club.Or find someone who’s building one.(If you’re introverted, align with a community-builder.)B) Build Your WolfpackForge your inner circle — the men and women capable of a greater dream.Bonded for life.Dating has infected everything.It weakens men.It weakens me sometimes.Make friendships and your mission a priority over money and girls.Trust me — in the end, it’ll get you 10x of both.Men bond shoulder-to-shoulder. That’s how it starts.C) Start a ReTribalize Project — Or Join MeBuild your own village. Or join an existing one.* Filter the world for aligned people* Use content and ads to magnetize your tribe* Connect your community with other intentional ones* Let dating fall back into its natural placeWatch the full video breakdown of ReTribalize Projects and why, as the old world crumbles, we must find our people.Interested in joining me? Men’s Academy Application This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit retribalize.substack.com/subscribe

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When Great Men Don't Get Laid, They Build New Societies - Episode 9

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This episode is 29 minutes long.

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This episode was published on July 20, 2025.

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There is a very real dating crisis today.Men feel it. Women feel it too.Some of you did well back in high school or college — maybe you were attractive, mildly popular, or solid in your circles. But now? Even with enormous effort, you can’t get a...

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