When One Parent Is High Conflict: How to Protect Your Kids with Hallie Strauss and Kate Alcamo

What happens when the conflict between co-parents becomes the center of family life—and the kids get caught in the middle? In this episode, Sol sits down with Hallie Strauss and Kate Alcamo, co-founders of The Co-Parent Collective, to explore how parents can reduce conflict, protect their children’s emotional wellbeing, and build healthier post-divorce family dynamics.Hallie brings the perspective of a psychologist, parenting coordinator, custody evaluator, and mediator who works with families navigating high-conflict dynamics. Kate is a licensed marriage and family therapist and child specialist who helps parents understand divorce from the child’s perspective. Together, they offer complementary insights into everything from parenting coordination and parallel parenting to communication, identity shifts, and the ways children experience parental conflict.They discuss why “spouse mind” can keep parents stuck in old relationship dynamics, why parallel parenting can sometimes be a healthy stepping stone rather than a failure, and how one parent de-escalating can dramatically change the temperature of a co-parenting relationship. They also share practical communication strategies, including BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm), writing messages as though a judge—or your child—might read them, and using technology to create boundaries around difficult communication.The conversation also explores AI and co-parenting, the growing role of parenting coordinators, when professional teams can help support families, and The Co-Parent Collective’s Child-Centered Divorce Playbook.LinksWatch the full episode on YouTubeLearn more about the Co-Parent Collective: ⁠thecoparentcollective.comFollow the Co-Parent Collective on Instagram: ⁠@TheCoparentCollectiveBestInterest — the co-parenting app: ⁠BestInterestGet 10% off BestInterest: Use code Beyond10Coparenting Beyond Conflict: ⁠CoparentingBeyondConflict.comSubscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/Keywordsco-parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, divorce, parenting coordination, parenting coordinator, parallel parenting, collaborative parenting, child-centered divorce, child specialist, custody evaluation, co-parenting communication, BIFF communication, spouse mind, parent mind, emotional regulation, divorce and children, co-parenting apps, AI and co-parenting, identity shifts after divorce, conflict de-escalation, parenting plansKey TakeawaysKids are affected more by how parents navigate divorce than by divorce itself. Shift from spouse mind to parent mind. Parallel parenting isn’t necessarily a failure. You don’t have to engage in every conflict. De-escalation can start with one parent. Write every message as if someone else will read it. BIFF can help keep communication focused: Regulate before you respond.Children may know more than parents realize. Children have their own divorce timeline.Parenting coordinators can provide structure and help keep professionals out of the conflict.Acceptance can be empowering. When a child shares something alarming, start with validation. Self-regulation and connection are powerful first steps. Chapter Highlights00:00 — Welcome to Coparenting Beyond Conflict01:04 — Finding Moments of Peace02:10 — How Hallie and Kate Found Their Way Into Divorce Work05:28 — What Does a Parenting Coordinator Do?07:46 — Building a Professional Team Around High-Conflict Families08:17 — Managing Triangulation in High-Conflict Cases10:04 — When Does a Parenting Coordinator Have Binding Authority?11:15 — How High Conflict Impacts Children13:04 — Does It Take Two to Tango?14:37 — The Power of De-Escalation15:30 — Separating the Court Battle From the Co-Parenting Relationship17:33 — How Parental Conflict Affects Kids Over Time18:53 — Parallel Parenting vs. Collaborative Parenting21:21 — Rebuilding Trust After Divorce21:37 — The Identity Shifts of Divorce22:37 — When You’re Afraid Everything Will Be Used Against You23:49 — How to Communicate Without Escalating Conflict25:36 — Write It as If Your Child Will Read It26:27 — AI and the Future of Co-Parenting Communication28:03 — The Child-Centered Divorce Playbook30:02 — Lightning Round: The Biggest Co-Parenting Lessons31:36 — The Three H’s: Hugged, Heard, or Helped?32:28 — When Co-Parenting With a High-Conflict Ex Gets Easier33:28 — What You Can Do Today34:20 — Connect With The Co-Parent CollectiveWhat if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond