Hi, and welcome to la vie attache change your thoughts change your life I'm piggymec night, and I am concluding the communication series for now anyway on Why do people attack personally when arguing so it's a bit of a loaded one today buckle up and here we go? So I'm gonna make a statement you have been in arguments before There's nothing earth-shattering about that statement several of those arguments probably got pretty heated But did you ever revert to using personal attacks during your arguments? Did the other person also personally attack you there's a pretty good chance that both of you used personal attacks Why is it so easy for people to use these tactics? Part of the problem is that people don't prepare for arguments You just say what's on your mind off the top of your head a bit of verbal diarrhea It's better out than in and I'm gonna get you kind of mentality You may know something about the topic you're arguing, but do you have expert level knowledge?
If you don't there'll be a certain point where you run out of ammunition during your argument You won't have the knowledge you need in order to counter the statement of your opponent at that point You feel the need to save face and the only way to do this is to attack your opponent on a personal level Plus if you are very disgruntled about something that one person has done say for example You went for a job and they got the position and you didn't you're gonna be hugely offended wounded hurt And you might very well be that type of person who really stoops to a very low and dirty level of getting them back and Proving to the manager you should have hired me. That is just downright dirty when people do get on a personal level But you know what you're not alone your opponent is likely not prepared for an argument either although some very nefarious people We'll be cooking up and hatching plans and plotting for quite a while because well if that's what gives them kicks And they want to devote their energy to Leave them to it because life is too short to be spending all that negative energy in a bad way It's just not healthy in more ways than one Therefore you can't expect and a front on a personal level as well because the person has really gone on overdrive overthinking about what they're gonna Do to get back at you even though you've genuinely done nothing wrong You know you're the innocent party But they just feel that there's always a them and us kind of scenario once the feeding frenzy begins it goes into a free-for-all The discussions only turn ugly and those arguing are shouting and exchanging verbal insults But equally trying to shut someone down who is up for a fight and always wants to quarrel with someone can be a little exhausting And if you don't feed the fire or fuel it and try and shut them down It will shut them down for a little bit, but sure as heck give them another opportunity and they'll be off out at it again Another reason for personal attacks is that this has become the new standard in the media I'm sad to say it is it seems that it's often open season on attacking people on a personal level However, have you noticed that it seems like other people can literally get away with murder of the verbal diarrhea and dialogue that they have And the tirades that they are sending out into the universe through their messages and whatever shape or form of social media that they're using And nobody does anything about it. They get away with it It can be pretty infuriating to say the least but at the end of the day It really comes to no good for somebody who is that toxic and just wants to spew all this hateful language In the end, I really do believe that it will come back and bite them basically in a really big way And it just seems like you need to take a look at any political race for example You will see some pretty nasty exchanges. It makes it seem though as the truth When it's happening and in the heat of the moment like with the chance of Hillary Clinton and lock her up You aren't left with any kind of validity as to well What is the real story here?
You know both sides of the argument seem pretty valid But you don't know who or what to believe because everyone is clouding your judgments With all of the information overload that we are bombarded with on a daily basis now It's just amazing But one way to stop this is to agree ahead of time If the arguments get personal it's time to take a break Now that's a lot easier said than done when it's coming out of left field And has caught you off guard and by surprise because this person has been hatching a plan for far too long Letting it boil and boil and boil and then one little thing Like making a comment I thought I was gonna have to send out a search party for you if they showed up late Yeah, bit of a crash statement to make But it also shows them in a indirect way Hey, I really care about you where were you without actually saying those words But if they want to get into a real tizzy and a hissy fit about it and stomp off Then there's a lot to be said about that individual as well and how they receive the message But if somebody is coming at you and you are not able to say ahead of time Let's keep these arguments professional and not personal And it's come out of left field You can say okay, let's take it down a notch and let's take a breath or take a break Because it's getting a little too personal now That sends people a signal that you better watch your words And I'm setting some boundaries It will help to give you also that breathing room that you need Because the personal attack has been too to full on for you to handle at that moment in time Now your opponent if that's the way you want to look at them Should really have no problem with this If they do not have a problem with it great If they do have a problem with it and they keep going on the attack Then that is grounds for bullying and you really need to shut them down And just walk away just walk away rise above it all and leave them to it However, if there really is an issue that can be an indication that the argument won't go well Right from the start It's best to avoid the confrontation if you can But if you're all crammed into one small little office There's really nothing you can do about it apart from Leave yourself from the room and let them have their bitch fast and moan and groan And you can spend the rest of the day somewhere else in a better environment That's going to allow you to learn grow and carry on in a professional manner If you've ever watched two people attacking each other personally You likely thought that both were being petty and neither of them wins Therefore use this fact when you are arguing and trying to ignore any personal attacks Discuss the issues instead What is the problem? How can we fix this? How can we resolve it? Not personal That can be difficult once the personal attack happens though And the opponent can't take it back Nor do they want to take it back because they knew darn well that they wanted to do that deliberately It's already been said However, if you rise above it and be the better person People will look to you as a leader You will already have the advantage in the argument when that happens The other person will be the one ending up looking petty So there we have it people How to handle yourself when you are on the receiving end of being personally attacked by someone And what to do in those heats of the moment I hope you've enjoyed this series and I look forward to sharing more about human nature And our behaviors will see where it takes us Until tomorrow my friends, bye for now