When Starting Over Isn't a Choice — It's What's Left

What does it feel like when starting over isn't a choice — it's just what's left? The anxiety of rebuilding your identity after years of making yourself smaller is real. And the overthinking that follows — Am I doing this right? Was it my fault? Who am I without this? — can be relentless. This conversation is for anyone navigating the messy middle of major life changes after losing themselves completely. Heather Sweeney is a military spouse and author whose work has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Reader's Digest. She shares her story of transition anxiety through a 13-year marriage that ended, seven-month in-house separation, and rediscovering her writing career under her maiden name. From holding grief and relief at the same time to rebuilding self-trust after years of selflessness, this is a raw conversation about boundaries, voice, and learning you can initiate a divorce AND still grieve what you lost. Heather shares the both/and of military divorce ("my condolences and congratulations"), how to rebuild voice after making yourself invisible, why boundaries erode when you're always saying yes to someone else's needs, and the cycle that kept them stuck: no time to talk before deployment, during deployment, or after. In this episode: - The both/and of military divorce: grief and gratitude simultaneously - How to rebuild self-trust and voice after years of selflessness - Why boundaries erode when you're always saying yes to someone else's needs - The deployment cycle that prevented real conversations - Navigating major life changes when holding grief and gratitude at once - Why anxiety and overthinking intensify during identity loss - Practical tools for starting over and rebuilding during life transitions - How military life can extend a bad marriage (the cycle of "we'll talk when...") Get Connected & Support the Show: - Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions - Follow Heather Sweeney on Instagram, visit her website, follow her on Substack, & order her book - Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts - Join the Courageous Living Group Transformation