When the Caregiving Season Costs You Yourself

If you're the one everyone leans on… this conversation with brain health coach Barbara Gustavson is worth your time. Barbara's path to becoming a brain health coach started with a piece of paper handed to her at a Cracker Barrel on Thanksgiving Day — a document that revealed a family history of covered-up crimes, mental illness, and Huntington's Disease. That moment didn't end anything. It started something. What followed was fifteen years of navigating caregiving alongside a career just beginning to take shape, children, a marriage, and a growing awareness that her own brain was carrying more than she'd admitted. In this conversation, Barbara walks through the difference between resetting and regrouping — why you can sleep eight hours and still wake up depleted, and what it takes to actually address the root causes. We also talk about the limbo season: that stretch of time after something shifts where the old rules don't work and the new ones haven't formed. Barbara doesn't frame it as a problem to solve. She frames it as a pause that asks you to listen differently. The conversation also covers the window of tolerance, what it costs to work outside it, and how learning the language your brain actually speaks — signals, not shoulds — changed how Barbara made decisions, set limits, and stayed present through the hardest stretch of her life. Her book is Regroup: How to Reset Your Mind to Unlock Hidden Energy, Enjoy Productive Peace, and Feel Like Yourself Again. Resources mentioned the following during the episode: Regroup (Audiobook) — Barbara Gustavson: https://amzn.to/48AWdCw  Welcome to Your Crisis: https://amzn.to/3QJpyVc  Think Again — Adam Grant: https://amzn.to/3P2SxTg  Calm — mindfulness app: https://www.calm.com  Five Minutes' Peace — Jill Murphy (children's book): https://amzn.to/4w536G8  Connect With Things Go Sideways On Other Platforms: Substack: https://thetrustproject.substack.com/  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kikilitalien/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kikilitalien/  For Business Inquiries: [email protected]  00:04 — Show opens; KiKi introduces today's guest 01:53 — The Thanksgiving moment that changed everything 06:18 — Caregiving guilt: the feelings we don't name out loud 09:17 — What limbo season actually is and why it isn't a mistake 11:24 — From quicksand to surrender: reframing the stuck feeling 14:40 — Survival mode is biology, not a character flaw 18:32 — Regroup isn't reset: the difference and why it matters 23:30 — Listen to the whisper before it becomes the two by four 25:59 — The window of tolerance and the cost of ignoring it 31:12 — The principle Barbara still wrestles with: negativity bias 34:30 — Staying present in the current season, not the last one 36:32 — What to do when you're in the middle of your own limbo About the Things Go Sideways Podcast When life or leadership goes sideways, the story's just getting interesting. Things Go Sideways with KiKi L'Italien features honest conversations with leaders, creators, and changemakers navigating disruption, uncertainty, and identity shifts. Each episode explores trust, resilience, and what it means to stay human when certainty breaks down. New episodes share real stories about rebuilding agency and meaning without rushing to quick-fixes, spiritual bypassing, or pretending clarity comes easy.