When Things Fall Apart, Do THIS Instead

Send us Fan MailLast week, we talked about the toxic assumptions that make everything worse when crisis hits. This week, we're diving into what to actually DO instead - because bad things will happen in your medical career, but they don't have to destroy you in the process.The Framework That Changes EverythingWhen something goes catastrophically wrong - termination, disciplinary action, devastating outcome - you need a different approach than the self-blame spiral you've been trained to default to. Here's the four-step framework that actually works:Step 1: Allow the Emotions (Yes, Really)Before you do anything else, you need to let yourself be human. What are you actually feeling? Angry? Sad? Scared? Guilty? Responsible? Devastated?Can you name it? Can you feel where it sits in your body?We're so afraid of the discomfort of emotions that we immediately try to push them away, judge ourselves for having them, or pretend they don't exist. But here's the truth: you have feelings because you're human, not because you're weak.Caveat: Obviously, if there's something urgent that needs your immediate attention (like a code situation), handle that first. But most of the time, you have space to feel your feelings before jumping into action.Get yourself an emotions wheel if you need to. There are dozens of feeling words beyond "fine" and "stressed." The research shows that when you can name and label emotions (affect labeling), it actually helps you move through them instead of getting stuck in them.Step 2: Explore What's Here to Learn (Without Self-Hatred)There might be something for you to learn from what happened. The key word here is "might." And the crucial part is learning without beating yourself up.Sometimes the lesson is clinical: "I need to ask different questions" or "I should have involved a specialist sooner."But sometimes the lesson is about the system: "People make irrational decisions" or "Logic doesn't always apply" or "Sometimes there's no good explanation for why things happen."If you've been terminated without cause and you genuinely can't identify anything you did wrong - no bad outcomes, no complaints, no feedback suggesting problems - then maybe what you're learning is that medicine operates in ways that aren't fair or logical. That sucks. It's devastating. But it's also reality.Take one or two passes through this reflection. Don't sit and microanalyze every interaction from the past six months. That way lies madness.Step 3: Choose to Have Your Own Back (Even If You Made a Mistake)This is the big one. You need to decide that you're going to support yourself through this, even if you made an error in judgment.You are not perfect. You are not infallible. You will make mistakes because you're human. Sometimes those mistakes have bigger consequences than others. But if you're going to throw yourself under the bus every time something goes wrong, where will your mental health be?Think about how you'd respond to a friend going through the same situation. Even if they made a mistake, would you tell them they're a terrible person? Probably not. You'd acknowledge they're human, they tried their best with what they knew, and they can learn and grow from this.You can take responsibility for your reasonable part of what happened AND still have your own back. These aren't mutually exclusive.Step 4: If There's a Repair to Make, Make ItIf you made a mistake that hurt someone, a patient, a colleague, someone at home, and there's a way to repair it, do it. Don't delay. Don't put it off indefinitely.But here's the key: you need to go through the other steps first. You need to process your emotions and choose to support yourself before you can make a genuine repair.If you can't actually make the repair (maybe the person won't talk to you, or they Support the showTo learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.Want to contact me directly?Email: [email protected] me on Instagram!@MeganMeloMD