When We Feel Oppressed by Our Kids: Working with Merged Parts

S3EP12 — A deeply honest episode where Cara and Rythea dive into the nuanced world of non-coercive parenting through the lens of Internal Family Systems, Parts Work Therapy, and Inner Bonding. They unpack what it means to parent in the moment while working with merged parts—protective internal voices that take over when we're triggered, especially by our kids.This episode explores the uncomfortable but powerful truth: sometimes we see our child as our abuser. Cara and Rythea get real about how this perception emerges, how it relates to unhealed trauma, and how those reactive parts are trying—however messily—to protect us.Cara and Rythea share real-life examples when their children activated them, and how they identified and engaged with the parts that took over. They talk about what it’s like to notice in real time when you're not in your Self and how to compassionately return.Key TopicsUnderstanding merged parts and protectorsTools for recognizing when you're not in Self and how to returnProjecting past trauma onto your childThe healing potential of seeing your protectors as helpers, not enemiesCultivating Self-EnergyDismantling parental shame and reconnecting to our childrenThis work isn’t about parenting perfectly. It’s about parenting from presence, about having a relationship with yourself so that you can have an authentic connection with your child. By integrating your own protective parts, you make space for your Self-Energy to lead—and from there, all relationships, especially with your kids, become more truthful and safe.ResourcesMeditations by Dick Schwartz https://insighttimer.com/drrichardschwartzThe One Inside podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-one-inside-an-internal-family-systems-ifs-podcast/id1460334766Inner Bonding https://www.innerbonding.com/Book with Rythea calendly.com/rytheaBook with Cara calendly.com/caratedstonetherapySupport https://buymeacoffee.com/yourkidsdontsuckIt’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents.Rate & ReviewShare your thoughts! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.