When Work Identity Breaks! Layoff, Trust Fractures, and Agency

A layoff can feel like more than losing a paycheck. It can feel like losing your place in the world. In this episode, KiKi talks with Phil Putnam, a former tech executive who was laid off in October 2023 and had to face the messy middle that followed: the grief, the self-judgment, and the quiet panic of "what now?" Phil shares why job loss hits so hard (even when it's "common"), how workplace identity gets welded to self-worth, and what it's like to realize you don't want to "put your fate back in someone else's hands" again. This episode also talks about trust – how it fractures when you see how decisions get made — and the unnerving truth that power doesn't always equal maturity. Along the way, Phil names the shift that mattered most: moving from survival mode to a clearer sense of agency. The episode holds one steady thread: don't rush to perform a comeback. Stay with what's real, move slower than your panic, and let the next step come from honesty — not from pressure to "bounce back." Why Listen Now: If you've been "falling asleep in the snow" at work — pushing through risk you can't name — this is a calm listen that helps you wake up gently and find your footing. HIGHLIGHTS 00:17 — KiKi frames the "messy middle" and identity collapse 01:28 — Phil names why job loss destabilizes survival and self-worth 03:10 — He admits the dissonance: common event, deep impact 04:08 — KiKi names grief and the pressure to "rebound" fast 04:54 — Phil says expectations are "absorb it and move on" 07:30 — The breakup analogy: acting "ready" while you're a wreck 08:03 — He reveals he helped architect layoffs, then got included 09:45 — The turning point: "I can't put fate in others' hands" 11:03 — Trust fractures: "we don't want you" vs "we can't use you" 16:43 — Leaders, power, and the lack of real checks and balances 20:37 — What's revealed: living without agency, then finding it 22:26 — What had to die: false humility and self-doubt 28:42 — "Don't wipe your soul on me" and trauma-dumping at work 33:52 — The Newark airport moment: "This is exactly what I want" 35:29 — Closing: sit with what was lost before you pivot Resources Website — Phil Putnam: https://philputnam.com/ LinkedIn — Phil Putnam: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philputnamspeaks/ About the Things Go Sideways Podcast When life or leadership goes sideways, the story's just getting interesting. Things Go Sideways with KiKi L'Italien features honest conversations with leaders, creators, and changemakers navigating disruption, uncertainty, and identity shifts. Each episode explores trust, resilience, and what it means to stay human when certainty breaks down. New episodes share real stories about rebuilding agency and meaning without rushing to quick-fixes, spiritual bypassing, or pretending clarity comes easy.  Listen & Subscribe Libsyn RSS Feed: https://feeds.libsyn.com/597715/rss Libsyn Podcast Page: https://sites.libsyn.com/597715/site Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0AToVdda4omlLpG9KpQ0Hj Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/things-go-sideways/id1849510232 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/87fc90ea-455c-443d-a24f-bd3bccc2e764/things-go-sideways Audible: https://www.audible.com/podcast/Things-Go-Sideways/B0G59XM2XY   Join the Community Things Go Sideways Book Club: https://bookclubs.com/clubs/6100919/join/4db79195 YouTube Playlist (Full Episodes): https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRiPZ_HubKQpcbMaCYtlJN9D6qTv4tOrb LinkedIn Company Page: https://www.linkedin.com/showcase/things-go-sideways/ Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1150721167011215 Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61585524425304   Share Your Sideways Story Podcast Guest Intake Form: https://forms.gle/UcccE9eJBSfEc9UN9 Schedule a Podcast Interview: https://calendly.com/kiki-interview/podcast-interview