When You Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage

When You Stop Trying to Fix Your Marriage: Nicole’s StoryWhat happens when you stop trying so hard to make your marriage better?When “Nicole” came to me, she was exhausted. She was constantly monitoring her husband, trying to manage what was happening in their marriage, and believing she couldn’t really be okay unless he was okay too.And she had tried so hard to do marriage well.But within just a few weeks of learning a different way to show up, something began to shift—not because all of the circumstances in her marriage changed, but because she did.In this episode, Nicole shares what happened when she began getting back on her own paper, paying attention to her own desires, relinquishing control, and allowing her husband to be responsible for himself.We talk about:Why trying harder can sometimes make marriage harderThe difference between expressing a desire and trying to control the outcomeWhat happened when Nicole stopped making her husband’s behavior responsible for her peaceHow changing her expectations changed the way she experienced her husbandThe surprising response she received when she simply told her husband what she wantedHow doing less created room for her husband to do moreWhat happened between her husband and daughter when Nicole stopped stepping in to manage their relationshipThe connection between staying on your own paper, trusting God, and experiencing more joy and peaceOne of my favorite parts of Nicole’s story is that she didn’t have to master all of this before things began changing. She describes starting with just a “mustard seed”—and seeing significant shifts in herself and her marriage remarkably quickly.If you’ve been carrying the weight of your marriage on your shoulders, trying to say the right thing, do the right thing, anticipate everyone’s needs, or keep everything from falling apart, this conversation may give you an entirely different place to put your attention.