When Your Family Disrespects Your Spouse (Marriage Unhindered)

What do you do when your extended family repeatedly disrespects your spouse? On Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer responds to a husband whose sister has repeatedly insulted his wife while his mother dismisses the behavior as simply “who she is.” Now, the couple is considering distancing themselves from the family altogether. Doug’s message is clear: Ignoring bad behavior doesn’t create peace. “You don’t solve problems by ignoring them or brushing them under the rug,” he says. The husband’s wife suggested sitting down with the family to clear the air and establish expectations. Doug agrees with the idea, but says the husband needs to take responsibility for addressing his own family. “In marriage, I mean, here’s the rule, okay? The husband handles problems with his side of the family and the wife handles problems with her side of the family.” Rather than confronting everyone at once, Doug recommends beginning with a brief, direct conversation with the sister. The goal isn’t to debate whether her opinions about his wife are justified. Instead, the husband should calmly explain that criticism, belittling, and cruel remarks toward his wife will no longer be tolerated. If the disrespect continues, consequences may be necessary, including stepping away from family gatherings. That can feel drastic, especially when children are involved. But Doug challenges the assumption that children always benefit from relationships with extended family. If relatives are consistently dysfunctional, disrespectful, or cruel, creating distance may actually protect the child. Ultimately, marriage changes a person’s primary earthly family commitment. The husband himself pointed to Scripture’s teaching that a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife. Doug says his extended family needs to understand that if they force him to choose, “You’re going to choose her.” Setting boundaries isn’t about retaliation. It’s about protecting your marriage, refusing to enable destructive behavior, and making clear that your spouse deserves kindness and respect. The best way to listen to the Best of the Week is on our #1 Free Catholic App. It’s free, and always will be! To get and share the Relevant Radio app, check it out here.