When You’re Stuck, Start Here

You can be stuck deciding whether to go back to school. Stuck in a job you’ve outgrown. Stuck wondering whether it’s time to leave a relationship, move across the country, start something new, or finally do the thing you’ve been talking yourself out of for years. You can definitely be stuck in being stuck. It’s a vicious loop. * Why can’t I just make a decision? * What is wrong with me? * I should have figured this out by now. * And my fav: Just DO it! Spinning about it doesn’t help much, does it? That’s likely why you haven’t moved yet. We’re afraid of making the wrong choice, and hey, there may be real risks involved. Part of you may want change, and another part wants the safety of the known. Have you been staring at the problem so long that all you can see is the problem? Our minds get good at what we practice. You’ve prolly heard the phrase “neurons that fire together wire together.” It’s a simplified way of describing neuroplasticity: repeated patterns of thinking and behaving can strengthen the pathways associated with them. So we do them more. And more. Cool when we’re learning to drive, play the piano, meditate, or build a habit. Not so much when we keep circling the same worries: * I can’t leave this job because… * I can’t go back to school because… * I can’t change this because… * I have to stay because… * I’ll lose… Pretty soon, instead of poking around to see what’s there, we’re rehearsing why we’re trapped in it. Again. I’m not saying the obstacles aren’t real, but consider that they may not be the whole story. I’m pretty familiar with this stuck stuff. I spent a few years in technology and digital marketing. I was good at it. I had experience, a reputation, and built an identity around my work. But it wasn’t really where I wanted to be anymore. It took way too long to figure that part out. Then, how could I bring out the parts of me that weren’t getting to play? Would that be OK? I knew how to fit into that work persona. Other people knew me as that person too. Walking away wasn’t simply changing careers. It meant questioning an identity I’d spent years building. That was heavy, and it brought up hard questions. If I’m not doing the thing I know I’m good at, what makes me valuable? What makes me me? The stuck feeling wasn’t something I needed to force my way out of. What I needed was to understand what was keeping me there. Once I could see that, I had more choices. Before “What should I do?” maybe try “What’s going on here?” When we want change, we tend to jump straight to “fixing” and solutions. And ur friends and family will happily join in with advice, helpful or not. Quit the job. Stay in the job. Go back to school. Don’t go back to school. Move to Tahiti. Definitely do not move to Tahiti. There’s useful territory to explore before deciding. Try finishing this sentence: I’m stuck because… Don’t think of it as an assignment. Just notice what comes up. Your first answer might be practical: “I can’t afford to change careers.” Then something else like: “I’m afraid I’ll have to start over.” And underneath that: “I’m not sure I’ll be good at anything else.” Now we’re looking at something different. The money still matters. But it may not be the only thing involved. What do you actually want to change? We might have a clear image of what we don’t want. * I don’t want this job anymore. * I don’t want to keep having this argument. * I don’t want to live here. * I don’t want to feel like this. Okay… So what are you hoping will be different? More creativity? Stability? Freedom? Connection? Work that feels meaningful? A relationship where you feel heard? A chance to find out who you are now instead of continuing to live as the person you were ten years ago? Sometimes we can be ignoring a need we haven’t named yet. Once we name it, the picture can change. Maybe you don’t need a new career. Maybe you need more creativity and a sense of agency in the one you already have. Maybe you don’t need to move. You need more community and connection where you are. Maybe something in the relationship needs some deeper conversations. Or maybe, yes, it really is time to go. The point isn’t to talk yourself into staying or leaving. It’s to see your situation clearly enough that you have a choice. Give yourself more than two options Stuckness has a way of making life look binary. Stay or leave.Do it or don’t.Succeed or fail. Most of life has more options but we aren’t really seeing them. * You can take one class instead of enrolling in a degree program. * Talk to someone already doing the work you’re considering. * Visit the place you’re thinking about moving to. * Ask whether something can change at work before deciding you have to quit. * Spend an afternoon making art without demanding to decide whether you’re officially an artist now. None of these may be YOUR answer, but they are new directions to explore. It might be just one tiny step that gives you information that another month of thinking never could. You may not be stuck at all. You just don’t know that YET. You don’t have to solve everything today. Start with one question. Notice what comes up. See whether there are possibilities you couldn’t see when all your attention was focused on being stuck. As you understand where you actually are, your choices may become clearer. And clarity doesn’t always mean change. You may decide to leave the job, take the class, move, have the difficult conversation, or begin something completely new. You may also discover that you don’t want the change you thought you wanted. That’s OK, it’s learning something important about yourself. Maybe you take a leap, or just one small step. Maybe you stay exactly where you are, but now you understand why you’re choosing to stay. I wrote something to help you go a little deeper As a coach, I’ve had a lot of conversations with people who know something isn’t working but aren’t yet clear about what needs to change. That’s why I created I’m Stuck. Now What? It’s a short ebook and workbook designed to help you slow things down, look at what may actually be keeping you stuck, and ask better questions before making a big decision. It won’t tell you whether to quit your job, leave your relationship, move across the country, or reinvent your life. It will help you look at the situation from a few different angles, notice what’s underneath the obvious answer, and identify a reasonable next step. Get full access to Microdosed Mindfulness at www.microdosedmindfulness.com/subscribe