When You’re the One Who’s Been Hurt: Learning to Love Without Losing Yourself (Encore)

This is an encore episode — the companion to the episode about loving someone with relational trauma. This time, the conversation is for the partner with the deeper wounds.You want to be close. You do. But when the moment arrives, something shifts. You pull back, shut down, say you're fine when you're not — and then hate yourself for it. Because no one told you that relational trauma doesn't disappear just because you found someone safe. If anything, safety is often when it shows up most.This episode is for the partner who has been through things they don't always want to talk about. The one still learning what it means to be safe with someone, not just safe from them. It names the protection strategies that once made complete sense — the escalating, the vanishing, the performing, the perfecting — and looks honestly at what those strategies cost in a relationship where someone is genuinely trying to love you well. Not to shame those patterns. To help you see them clearly enough to start choosing something different.What makes this episode particularly tender is the distinction it holds: your pain is real, your protective moves make complete sense, and they are also affecting the person trying to reach you. Both things are true at the same time. Understanding that isn't about guilt — it's about wanting the kind of relationship where you don't have to keep choosing control over closeness.The shift isn't about being perfectly regulated or never getting triggered again. It's about learning to narrate what's happening instead of disappearing into it — to take one small emotional risk, make a repair a little sooner, and let your partner see you in the messy middle instead of only after the storm has passed. You don't have to be fully healed to love well. You just have to be willing to keep showing up.If this landed for you, leaving a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts makes it easier for people who need this to find it. It takes less than a minute and it genuinely helps.Got a question or a topic you'd like me to cover? Want me to coach on your topic? Share your request and if selected, I'll address it on an upcoming episode. [Submit Here]ResourcesFree 7-Day Relationship Challenge: 7 short emails and daily challenges that you can do with your morning coffee. You'll never see your relationship the same way again.Work with Me - Individualized Guidance: High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.DisclaimerThis podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.