Who is doing the parenting and why doesn't it happen immediately? Listener question

I have signed up for your membership programme and am finding it very insightful.I feel like I get it more and more, having those 'i see of course thats whats going on in truth' but still every day is some form of torture - anxiety, shame, trigger after trigger after trigger.I have seen a repeating pattern in my life struggle to find some peace and knew that the one constant fact in that was me, as I take myself with me for safe keeping everywhere I go. I knew the problem wasn't out there.The life circles course feels like it was written for me about me,  almost as soon as I would have a thought about what's going g on in me, you would then say that exact thing or feeling. Spooky really.Intellectual understanding doesn't result freedom, its a start I know, but whatever source of healing I have tried  I always end up with the feeling that the self is just using it as another means of escape from its suffering which enlightens noone.I was particularly impacted by the reference in this course to the triggers are from conditioned response to past trauma and it was such a relief to hear those words because it was a hell yes moment. You went on to say we  need to parent and heal this traumatised child which sounds right. My question  is who is doing  the parenting or healing, if there is no healer or parenter why isn't healing or parenting just happening following that insight.