Whose script are you running?

As children we are scripted predominantly by our parents and then by other important adults in our life like teachers or coaches or anyone that impressed us or we admired. I’m not sure if it was the great Stephen Covey or Anthony Robbins who gave the analogy that this scripting is like a vinyl record and as adults the needle hits the groove and the song begins to play and we wonder why when our buttons are pushed which have been put there by our parents or other adults it launches the same emotional response and the same song plays through from beginning to end and we find ourselves behaving in the same way over and over again. We learn what the world means through other people as kids. Now as an adult, we need to be aware that we have been scripted and if it is a song we no longer want to play then we have to smash the record and create one that we like and that serves us positively. Stephen Covey did say that whilst it is enormously difficult to break our scripting it is possible. Often it is essential for us to write our own song so we can own our future rather than the one scripted for us. As adults, we are in a position to influence the scripting of others, especially young people and therefore our viewpoint can impact their view of the world. We need to take this stewardship seriously. We have a responsibility to examine how we see the world and what we are passing on to others. If you have kids or coach or teach and a kid asks you what something means remember what you tell them can be what they learn and take as gospel on the subject. To be fair to them you need to think carefully before imparting your belief. Is it really what you think or are you just perpetuating a script passed onto you or are you merely trying to impress them to think a certain way about you? Two questions you need to ask yourself are; “Is this really me or more about what I want, for example, whoever influenced me, to think about me?” or “Am I passing on what I interpreted from my unique experience, whether appropriate or not?” In general, it is parents that have the greatest imprint on our psyche and so often we march to their tune even after they are no longer with us. Remember that most insecurity is passed to you either through their fears or through their judgement of you. If you want to change the song then it can be very helpful to name the person whose script you are running. Sadly it is often a belief that hurts you or one that is stopping you from doing something. A major warning flag for an inherited script often surfaces under pressure like making an important decision or during a dispute when we become highly emotive. Emotional charge is a key indicator of stronger beliefs and these philosophies need to be examined as to where they come from and whether they are what we want or even beliefs that we even support. The journey to get to place where our thoughts are designed more by us and our experience rather than other people's understanding of the world, the more we can live authentically and go down pathways that we choose rather than living a life that inadvertently was chosen partly or a lot by what others taught us or expected of us. Another week, another nugget. As always listen, reflect, and choose what helps and what to discard because no one should own or decide your beliefs. We are all products of our unique environments but I encourage you to keep trying to design your values and beliefs for yourself.