Why 80% of Couples Survive Affairs (And the Truth About Relationship Power Dynamics)

In this episode, Kelly Oliver Dougall is joined by Vanessa Cushing, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and private practice owner, to unpack the complex realities of intimacy, desire, and betrayal.Vanessa busts common misconceptions about sex therapy and dives into "desire discrepancy"—explaining how couples get stuck in a multi-year blame cycle and how to move back into a team approach.We also explore the heavy reality of betrayal trauma and affairs. Vanessa shares a surprising statistic: around 80% of couples actually stay together after an affair by making meaning out of the trauma and addressing the disconnection that happened before the betrayal.Finally, Kelly and Vanessa discuss the specific, often catastrophic dynamics faced by trans widows, including the devastating impact of coercive control, manipulation, and shifting power dynamics within relationships. Turn on notifications so you never miss an episode filled with deep therapeutic insights, reframing perspectives, and the messy but necessary work of "weeding the garden" of our minds.Vanessa is a certified sex therapist licensed in Washington DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Florida. She is also the founder of sextherapypro.ai, an anonymous, custom LLM platform designed to make expert sexual health guidance accessible and affordable. Use code founder VC for a free month.