Why Abusers Believe Their Own Lies with Paul Colaianni

Why do emotionally abusive people double down on false narratives, deny reality, and convince themselves they’re the victim—even when they’re causing visible harm?I'm joined by Paul Colaianni, host of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love and Abuse podcasts and creator of The Healed Being program, one of the few resources for people who have been emotionally abusive and genuinely want to change.We unpack one of the most confusing dynamics in abusive relationships: the distorted thinking that abusers use to justify their behavior and the self-protective systems that keep them from taking accountability.We cover:Why abusers truly believe their own version of realityThe psychology of self-righteousness, control, and emotional arroganceHow survivors internalize blame and begin to question their own kindnessThe painful tipping point between self-sacrifice and self-protectionWhat real change actually looks like—and why it often comes after the survivor walks awayResources mentioned:The Mean Workbook by Paul Colaianni: https://theoverwhelmedbrain.gumroad.com/l/jkSoJessica’s Boundaries Deep Dive + 1:1 Validation Calls: emotionalabusecoach.comThe Unhooked Private Podcast & Course on the Cycle of Abuse: https://jessicaknight.thinkific.com/courses/unhookedWork with me: emotionalabusecoach.com highconflictdivorcecoaching.comSubscribe to my Substack: jessicaknightcoaching.substack.comSupport the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your RelationshipWebsite: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.comInstagram: @emotionalabusecoachEmail: [email protected]{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner