Why Admiration Fuels Desire: The Overlooked Key to Long-Term Sexual Intimacy

What actually keeps desire alive in long-term partnerships? According to Emily Nagoski, PhD, it’s not relentless passion—it’s admiration.In this episode of The Partnership Podcast, Lauren and Trey explore why liking, respecting, and admiring your partner may be one of the most powerful (and under-practiced) ingredients in sustaining erotic connection over time. Quoting Nagoski’s book Come Together, they reflect on her reminder:“You don’t need to want your partner passionately so much as you need to like them, admire them, and believe that they are worth some effort.”They kick things off with a vulnerable and hilarious story about Lauren forgetting to replenish a household item—and jokingly “making up for it” by seducing Trey (yes, the heels make sense once you hear the story). From there, they share a simple but profound ritual inspired by Nagoski’s work: ending the day by naming five things they admire about one another.Mid-episode, Trey invites Lauren to coach him live as a “pretend client” who is afraid to ask for admiration after being ridiculed in the past. Lauren walks listeners through compassionate, grounded ways to initiate conversations about admiration with a partner—offering tools that are immediately usable and deeply regulating.They also introduce the idea of increasing our positive affect tolerance: practicing receiving compliments by making eye contact and simply saying, “thank you.” Together, they unpack why receiving admiration can feel surprisingly difficult—and why cultivating a culture of admiration in our homes and relationships is essential for intimacy, safety, and desire.This conversation marks Part One of a three-part series designed to support partnerships through the holiday season. Be sure to come back next Monday at 7am for Part Two as Lauren and Trey continue this important exploration.If this conversation stirred something for you, especially around admiration, desire, or feeling seen in your partnership, you don’t have to navigate it alone. You can request a free 15-minute consultation for individuals and couples who want support building more connected, intimate, and resilient relationships.Request your consult at sexedforyou.com/freeconsult.Ideal for couples in long-term partnerships who want deeper intimacy, more desire, and better sex.About Us: Lauren and Trey are partners living in Central Virginia where Lauren owns and operates, SEX ED FOR YOU. She provides comprehensive sexuality education and embodied coaching to individuals, partners, and parents.Through a biopsychosocial approach, Sex Ed for You works to restore positive and respectful approaches to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as increase the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. (WHO)Sexual health is fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and to the social and economic development of communities and countries. (WHO) When individuals are blocked from sexual health they are stunted from developing a sense of sensual play and enjoyment. • Learn more about Sex Ed for You at ⁠⁠https://www.sexedforyou.com⁠⁠• Schedule a FREE CONSULT with Lauren today: ⁠⁠https://www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult⁠⁠• Learn more about partnered communication best practices on Sex Ed For You’s Instagram Page: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you/⁠⁠• Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos about sex, partnership, communication, and love: ⁠⁠https://youtube.com/@thepartnershippodcast⁠⁠Reminders: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you. Lauren is NOT a therapist. She is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy and Relationship Coach.