Why Chasing “The Right Guy” Keeps You Stuck And How To Build The Partnership You Deserve

Thoughts or comments? Send us a text!What if “finding the right guy” is the very thing keeping you stuck? We open up about how self-sufficiency without vulnerability can mask red flags, and why the path to a steady, equal partnership begins with radical honesty about your needs. Licensed social worker and relationship coach Chaya Garcia joins Mary Rothwell to break down codependency as an addiction, the dopamine cycles that keep us chasing crumbs, and the quiet power of choosing yourself before you choose anyone else.Together we map out clear, practical signals: when to leave, when it might be safe to stay, and how to tell the difference without repainting reality. If there’s active addiction, untreated mental health issues, or chronic mismatch between words and actions, your nervous system is already telling you the truth. If growth is visible and consistent without your pushing—therapy sought, behaviors changing, responsibilities kept—you may have ground to build. We explore the investigator mindset, why safety is a pattern not a promise, and how to listen to your body for clues you can trust.We also reframe the entire dating project: stop trying to find; start learning to attract. When your life aligns with your values and purpose—your real list, not your loneliness—you draw in partners who can meet you at your level of self-respect. Whether you call it soulmates or deep alignment, the effect is the same: intimacy over performance, steadiness over chaos. Expect clear takeaways on boundaries, self-trust, and daily self-love rituals that keep your center strong—notes to self, small acts of loyalty, and the courage to leave what hurts.If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick rating or review. Your support helps more listeners trade chasing for choosing—and build love that lets them breathe.Find Chaya on Instagram at Epic Love Expert. Support the showBUY ME A COFFEE or SUPPORT ALFIE'S TREAT STASHLearn more about my book, Nature Knows: Grow and Thrive through the Wisdom of Plants HERE.Comments about this episode? Suggestions for a future episode? Email me directly at [email protected]. Want to be a guest on No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women? Send Mary Rothwell a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/noshrinkingvioletsFollow me on Facebook and Instagram, and check out my website!