Why does love frighten me?

Barry engages a man who says that he is afraid and unsure whether he has ever truly loved. Barry distinguishes between having love within oneself and actually loving, and says that real love requires courage, honesty, steadiness, and freedom from fear. Most relationships are distorted because sexuality, excitement, fear, and emotional defences are mistaken for love.Barry describes a man’s task as remaining firm, tender, and truthful rather than seeking excitement or retreating in fear, and says that genuine loving means approaching a woman without manipulation, without using sex for gratification, and without doubting one’s own love when fear arises. Much conflict between men and women comes from accumulated pain, emotional hurt, and deep confusion about love, which can erupt destructively even when one partner is trying to love sincerely. Relationships can only deepen through honesty, calm inquiry, and mutual willingness to face fear without collapsing into blame, accusation, or emotional warfare.Even when relationships fail, Barry presents each honest effort as part of a gradual learning process through which people become more truthful, more mature, and more capable of serving what the purpose of love – something deeper and less personal than ordinary romantic attachment.~Source:This is taken from the second of three recordings from a one-day meeting held in January 1995 in Coolangatta, on the Gold Coast, Australia. The full recording is currently being digitised and will be made available for streaming through The Barry Long Archive. A link will be posted here as soon as it is available.~From the archive:📃 Love has a purpose – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/11/love-has-a-purpose – Love has a purpose. But it doesn't have an objective. You love for the pleasure of love. That is its purpose. But pleasure is not the objective.📃 Love is not a condition – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/17/love-is-not-a-condition – Love is not holding on. Whereas our whole society teaches us – that love is a holding on. So everything (out there) is reversed, really.📃 True Love – https://www.barrylong.org/archive/articles/19/true-love – True love is a knowledge: I love her. To know is to love, to love is to know. Not to know what Einstein's theory is, or how to give way at the next traffic lights, not that sort of learned knowledge. But to know because I truly love her. And although I truly love the woman, it is not the woman that I truly love finally, it is the principle, that demonstrates itself in her, that I love. I don't love anything else, I just love loving her.~About The Barry Long Archive:The Barry Long Archive is a repository of over 20 years of Barry Long’s teachings. The archive currently features more than 350 videos, the full podcast, and over 1500 audio recordings on the way – these will be added over time as the archive continues to grow. The archive offers two subscription options: monthly and yearly, with the longer plan offering concessionary rates. The subscription includes unlimited streaming of all available content for the duration of your access.Link: https://www.barrylong.org/archiveSubscription: https://www.barrylong.org/subscriptions