Why Fixing People Backfires

⚡ Most habit advice tells you what to add. I help you subtract first, so your habits actually survive real life.Join 2,000+ burned-out humans learning evidence-based behaviour change without toxic wellness, hustle culture, or self-help BS.I’m Noemie Mooney, ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, and creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™.Subscribe for weekly tools that help you do less, better.----The urge to fix, solve, and advise before someone has even finished talking has a name: the righting reflex.In this episode, certified health coach Noemie Mooney explains William Miller and Stephen Rollnick’s work on motivational interviewing, why well-meaning advice often creates resistance, and why high achievers often turn the righting reflex inward.Because sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is not fix.It is to listen.In this episode* What the righting reflex is, and why the urge to help can make change less likely* What motivational interviewing is, and why it has become such an important evidence-based coaching approach* Why unsolicited advice often backfires* Miller and Rollnick’s “dancing vs wrestling” metaphor for coaching, guiding, and behaviour change* Why high achievers often struggle with self-compassion* How the simple shift from “but” to “and” can change your relationship with difficulty* A practical experiment to try this week in your relationships, and with yourselfTimestamps00:00 Intro02:00 Welcome and first Substack Live prep04:00 When corporate problem-solving backfires05:30 The righting reflex explained08:00 How we do it to ourselves09:30 The “but” vs “and” reframe11:00 Your experiment for the weekMentioned in this episode* The righting reflex: Miller and Rollnick’s concept from motivational interviewing, describing the urge to fix, correct, or solve before fully listening* Miller, W.R. & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change (3rd ed.)* The “but” vs “and” reframe: A coaching tool drawn from acceptance-based frameworks and positive psychology coaching* Interoception episode: Last week’s episode on listening to your body [🎧 listen here]Your experiment for this weekNext time someone you care about tells you about something hard, try this:No solutions for the first five minutes.Instead, ask three questions:* What does that feel like?* What’s the hardest part?* What do you think you need?Notice the urge to fix.That’s the righting reflex.Advanced version: try the same three questions on yourself.Favourite lineThe space between someone sharing a problem and you offering a solution is the most important space in any relationship. Including the one you have with yourself.Reflection questionWhat’s the last thing you tried to fix that actually just needed to be heard?Noemie x---Noemie Mooney is an ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, podcast host and the creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™, a science-backed framework for sustainable habits and mental health. She writes on Substack about burnout, habit formation, and evidence-based behaviour change psychology for people who want practical tools without the self-help BS.Every week I help 2000+ burned-out humans build sustainable habits for real, messy life. No toxic wellness. No hustle culture. No BS. ⚡️Let's goooo! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.unwrittenpotential.com