Why is Starbucks Gay?

We find our obscure anti-heroes in one of the gazillion cafes of Starbucks in Manila as they whisper their disdain about commercialism and institution. Especially if the coffee costs an arm, a leg, and a left eye. Miles blabbers on about his dislike for impersonal chain stores, but keeps on coming back for more mocha frappuccino. Venti, please, because he is delusional and thinks it does not show around his waist (he insists on wearing a size 28 pair of jeans. Man, it's not pretty!) Cara thinks her excuse for not liking Starbucks is genuine. Their coffee makes her puke. We are then led to theorize that when they were building and wiring up Cara in the early eighties, they accidentally attached her caffeine gene to her gag reflex gene. But why is Starbucks so gay? Because it's green and all over town! We feature Miles' song, Trainwreck, which can be downloaded at www.myspace.com/milessanchez