Why Lawyers Think Feelings Are Optional and What It Costs Them

Lawyers who are unhappy at work often tell themselves they'll feel things later. When they retire, maybe. The sense is that feeling the full weight of what's happening would make it impossible to keep functioning, so the feelings get pushed down and the grinding continues.The problem is that feelings aren't actually optional. The physical sensations that come with emotional states are nervous system responses, not choices. Suppressing them doesn't make them go away. They get smashed down until the nervous system forces the issue, regardless.In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about why lawyers operate as though their feelings are optional, where that belief comes from, and what it costs them over time. She covers how to start noticing whether this is happening to you, why irritation at other people's feelings is a flag worth paying attention to, and why therapy is often the most effective place to start unraveling something that didn't develop overnight.0:53 - Why so many lawyers believe their feelings are optional2:13 - Why feelings are nervous system responses and not actually a choice2:48 - Where the belief that feelings are optional comes from and how it gets reinforced4:16 - "I'll feel things when I retire" and why this is probably how you're functioning even if you'd never say it out loud6:19 - What happens when the nervous system finally says no and why it goes the way it does7:21 - How to notice if you're treating your feelings as optional and why irritation at other people's feelings is a flag8:44 - Why therapy is especially useful here and what to do if this resonatedMentioned In Why Lawyers Think Feelings Are Optional and What It Costs ThemWhy High-Achieving Lawyers Stay in Jobs That Are Hurting ThemFirst Steps to Leaving the LawThe Former Lawyer Collaborative