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WHY NOT VARIANT #6- WHY CATS!? episode artwork

Apr 1, 2020 1 hr 51 min

WHY NOT VARIANT #6- WHY CATS!?

from NOWHERE CALIFORNIA Hosted by The Guys From Nowhere

Once again, the prank is on us and we ask that yearly question WHY!? In this year's edition of WHY!?, the team from Nowhere California have their commentary sights set on the 2019 musical CATS. We apologize in advance. For Everything Nowhere California.. Go To.. www.NowhereCalifornia.com

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WHY NOT VARIANT #6- WHY CATS!?

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Depression is a motherfucker. You have options. Go to mentalhealth.gov to learn more or call 1-800-273-8255 if you need immediate help. My name is Joshua Gilmore from the NoRCalifornia and Ectopod Podcast.

You are not alone. You're never alone. You are now entering NoR California. If you love what you hear, you can find this on your favorite podcast search engines and subscribe.

And also, if you don't mind, leave us a like or review. And if hearing this is not enough, you can always get your NoRCalifornia fix by going to knowercalifornia.com. And you can send your thoughts, ideas, or some random bullshit, your email, which is noRunterscorecalifornia.com. Don't forget, we are NoRCalifornia.

Ideas from everywhere, voices from nowhere since 2011. NoRCalifornia presents, why? Normally, here are why nots we give us one of the ones we get to start with, but we don't. This is going to come never because it is why.

And there's honestly no real way to spoil what's about to happen. It's going to be horrible, and we're about to put ourselves through the torture of it for your entertainment. So since it's April, it's time for NoRCalifornia presents to why cats... Meow.

Is Josh? Is this Nick? And if we are late to the show and we're totally blanked out that opening, yeah we are doing why cats. Everybody's trying to do this like they're like, are we sure?

Oh sure we want to do this. But if you're out of NoRCalifornia listener, every April, it's tradition for us to torture ourselves. I'm afraid I'm not afraid of the microphone if I mention another one because it's progressively gotten worse. Well last year we did Wicked Prayer.

Ha ha. The year before we did the Apple. Alright, I'm okay with it now. Yeah, and then previously when we do our discussions, it was in Lee's Hulk.

Oh yeah, true fighter. We'll find out a nalation. We'll find out a nalation with the first one. But as it evolved from the discussions to the commentaries, it just gets worse because we are doing the 2019 movie Cats.

And this is I think the most modern movie we've ever done. Yeah, it is. But man, when you came out of that theater, when the both of you came out and I got that phone call, holy crap. Yeah, the lineage of this one, it started in the Long Beach Comic Con.

Me and Kim went to cover it and everything. We talked to Russell Nolte and his favorite What the Fucking Movie Moment was Cats. Yeah, that was a little shock. But also too, it kind of was ironic because at that time Cats was playing at the Cheek Theater in our area.

And on a way home, okay, man. That wild hair up his ass. Yeah, hey. Yeah, why the hell not?

It's the only couple bucks. Yeah. What's the worst that could happen? Kids were for it.

Our first why not? They turned into a why. Yeah. Oh, no, it wasn't gonna be a why no matter what.

It's fucking cats. But anyways, everybody knows the story of this movie. It's the movie based on the station musical Cats. Yeah, from Andrew Lloyd Webber.

It's the most beloved played. It's I think it's the longest running play in the West End in London. But I haven't, I theory on this. I think back then 80s was cokefield, right?

Yeah. I think that's why this movie, not this movie, this play was beloved. Oh, you think? Yes.

Yeah, this movie or this play was not for children. Hi, people. Everybody is sober now. And I think everybody that went and saw this movie was like, why did we like this shit?

It isn't just the story and everything else. It's the songs and the lyrics and none of it makes any sense. It will get going on the CG when we press play because good ones. There's stories behind that.

Now there's a mythical whole cut floating around supposedly and we'll discuss more about that momentarily. I mean, I might tune in for that. Yeah, I might watch again for that reason. For now, we usually say go get your snacks and whatever.

But since it's a why, go get your chemical support. Take an allergy pill because here we go. Okay. We have our coronas ready.

Can I have your vape going? Yeah. Yeah. So sit back and enjoy.

Sorry, we almost forgot something. As you're getting to April 1st, it's only available digitally right now on Amazon and that's how we are currently watching. So we are currently on a timer for zero colon, zero, zero colon, zero one. We're just one second into this.

So if you guys want to sync yourself up right now, go ahead and do that. We'll wait. Okay. Here we go.

All right. And three, two, and that's words. I am speechless. Well, let's press like time for cats.

We're going to press play. You know, sometimes a sign of X and C. Sadly, I can't not hear minions by singing the your. I know.

I do. I do. Yes. Exactly.

Yeah, this is. You know, but it's a yes. Yes. I think that who would have made this movie a little bit better if I was just animated that way.

And the way you're about to see. Is that really considered animation? Sure. When you have a couple more corona's and I'll tell you my answer.

It's nearly full moon. Cat eyes. Oh, you're right. Yeah.

I don't think we know. Just be a few weeks. I wish. The house of the rising sun.

I remember sending the theater going like even at this going what the fuck. Creepy. In the weird thing is we can probably point this out right now. This movie was released and within the week of its release, Universal released.

Can I say release again? I knew cut with better special effects. So which one are we watching? I don't know.

It's hard to say. We're about to say. I think they're probably equally bad. And I don't even care that they're fake human human would cats.

That makes me sad. Yeah. That she threw the cat in a bag. Oh, that's a life of a cat on the street.

But it didn't have to be a cat on the street. Well, a cat on the street when it's West Side Story. Oh, right. I think Nick is just sitting right now going, oh, God.

I'm having wicked pair of flashbacks. Right? Yeah. Oh, that's your girlfriend.

No, it's not. That's not Taylor? No. I thought that too though when we saw it.

She's a ballerina. Oh. This is her first movie. That's right.

I remember having this discussion at the time. Yeah. Oh, she's a cat. Are you talking about the toilet?

Oh, now that line makes sense. I know. Wait for it. Wait for it.

That makes sense. There's going to be a lot of awkward silences in this movie. Because we're an aw. Shock.

But we've seen this before. Yeah. It doesn't make it any easier. That's something you're going to hear throughout.

This movie is jellicles. Everybody wants to get jellicles. I'm still not clear what that means. When we get that point again, I'll give you my theory.

Okay. Because it's fucking dark. Oh, I'm excited. Yeah.

Actually, it looks at me nervously. Only a little. Yeah. Okay.

I know. I want to fuck. Have you seen the play? Or even like video of the original play?

No. I remember the... I don't remember this now when I was eight. Because they weren't like those really interesting costumes.

Yeah, because they were like third costumes, not CGI bodysuits. And that's the thing I thought about with this movie. Like why did they do this? It would have been easy.

Best costume Oscar winner. Yeah, but you got to show off what you can do on computers now. Oh, the Oscars went jane toward and then Rev. Nelson came out and made fun of cats.

The CT team was best. Well, they cast a little. Okay. Regardless of talent or whatever, it's ridiculous.

It is. No, it's... I really appreciate the fact that jane toward and then Rev. I fucking...

This was fucking weird. I have even less interest than what I had even before seeing this the first time. Yeah. To see the Broadway cats.

Well, that's kind of the twisted thing about my brain. I can't quite check it out now. You're curious. Yeah.

But I'd probably watch it. You may have to fly solo. No, I know. Andrew's Zelda.

I'll take this up on my coronavirus. What? Hopefully you're okay, sir. What in this?

Andrew's has coronavirus. Does he? Oh. He's okay.

Well, Tom is out of the hospital too. So we're dating this commentary. This whole episode could be dated fuck. I just forgot the mission at the beginning like I was going to.

As we watch this, lovingly. Hopefully we're entertaining you guys right now because I know the world's kind of fucked right now. So even as much of a train wreck this movie is, if you get your mind off of what's going on right now, good one. That's my soapbox moment.

Bravo. Thank you. Back to the chugles. I did jazz hands.

You know, the first time around I thought this song was long and... I was right. Yeah, it's the first time around. No, no, no, no, no, you're right.

To give any kind of credit, when we get proceeding with this, it's all about, it's a really great villain. I'll leave that right now. He's not. I just call him that.

Because I don't know how to say half these cats names. I kind of feel like they were just, they looked at every word in the English language and in an AL and three minutes was sung. Good Lord. We're talking about the cooking use in the 80s.

Actually, whoever, were you marching in the Pervian powder? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, look at him right now.

If everybody kind of had that jacket going. Yeah, it could help. Yes, it would make them look more human. Yeah.

And less like weird hairless, but hairy. Puns. They got a lot of them. Men's.

What's in the heart? And it really, it just rolls from one bad song into another. Like there's very little dialogue in between. But that's pretty much musical though, right?

Not at this level. Don't get me wrong, I like me some musicals. And this just kind of... Yeah, I think Nick has really had a flashback so I went to Perv, because he was quiet through Wicked Perilot and then finally he does explode.

Yeah. So like, what the fuck is this? I'm just trying to take this all in. I think he's secretly enjoying it.

No? The paint look on his face. At least I know there was a question in his voice. It's like pretty chanting.

Yeah. They made a good choice with her being a ballerina and everything. Mm-hmm. That made me the only good choice.

So she had a big given a name to be accepted into this community? That's fine, yes. Is that right? Yeah.

Her very fine herbert and Danish of them. Yeah. My name is a weapon. What do you call the shadow on the second look?

Oh god, I haven't delayed that one yet, have they? Oh, I'm sure they'll delay all of it. Damn it. Watch Kat's skin.

Fuck. Yay. Fuck you, why are you guys? I pulled...

Oh, okay. Oh, you saw some camel toe? Mmm. Some pointy-kitty?

Shit. I think this was about the point in the movie when people started coming into the theatre. Yes. You guys, for a while, we thought we were going to have the theatre to ourselves and be able to react to that.

Wow. There was a whole group of... It was like 10 people. 70 10 people showed up all at the same time.

Yeah. I liked the acts. The way they're reacting, I think, it's kind of like, oh, Dave's here. Anytime Mr.

Mustoff of Lee's or whatever funny thing is, shows up, do I? God damn it. He's breaking the fourth wall. He was staring into our souls.

Like the creepiest way. Yeah. Do not crawl toward the camera. Is it just me or am I the only one bugged by how big that cat's forehead is?

No, no, it's like a fight head. No, I think Doug and Phil probably planned all this. So they didn't have to be fighting it? They do where they can cast.

Sounds of bitches. Yeah. Next for everything, like, why wasn't I part of the plan? Reincarnation.

Yeah. Reincarnation. Reincarnation. Puns.

You know, we have to re-hound. We should be allowing. We have to re-hound. Dealing.

Pardonation. So if that gives you a hint of the dark undertones of the joke, the wall. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. Gumby cat. Yeah. The fat cat.

Play pretty awesomely. High Rebel also when you win this scene on Volds. See, the problem is, everything we showed in front of the trailer is just Rebel Wilson doing Rebel Wilson. And that's actually it.

Oh, I accidentally moped my face with this thing. Oh, look. Oh, darn. It's trying to be serious, but...

I don't think she's trying to be serious. I think she even probably read the show like, fuck it. Let's do this. Let's have fun.

That's very much Rebel Wilson. Wait until you see James Morgan. It's going to be the same thing. I feel like she took cat behavior and encompassed it into her character, which kind of makes it work.

Well, everybody had to do cat school. What? Yeah. That's fine.

Okay. See, I can't blink because I was like, what is she singing into in her? What is that? It's a puke.

What's up? I'm gonna see. See? They want kids when he's mice.

They're children. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

That creeped me out more than the cats. Yeah. Good. But they're gonna be kids?

Yeah. Yes. Because I do leave. Mousetrap?

Yeah. What kind of name is for a cat Jenny? Any dots? It's a gelical name.

Haven't you heard? Yeah. Every time I hear gel call, I just hear a testicle. Yeah.

See? Well cats are kind of balls and balls and balls. Yeah. And that.

I thought Yombe was made to clay. Yeah. Where the fuck is pokey? I'm afraid to know the tellers of microfiber.

Yeah. I thought Yombe was before. And how did she magically flip down? Because she's gentle.

Oh, right. Or Yombe. It's really cool. It's crickets.

That's disgusting. She just ate a person. That's disgusting. That's disgusting.

Oh, okay. What's going to happen? Her boxy pussy. Okay.

She just like zipped off her skin. Cockroaches? I'm so confused. Once again, everybody were doing this for your entertainment.

Oh, my God. She's wearing my way from eating the cockroaches. More and more. I really want us to do the curl commentary.

Was there bubbles coming out of her ass? Sure. Run, tongue, tugger. Is that a tongue, tugger?

She told you to leave, sir. And they fly like the vampires in Twilight. Yeah. And they sparkle?

Oh, yeah. It's true. I think that's the only kind of thing I know from this there. It's a run, tongue, tugger.

It sounds like something painful at the end of massage. Yeah. If you're a tongue, tugger. No, I can get you missing myself.

Please go, God, no. Nice. Even like a jacket like he's wearing just kind of slightly. Kind of helps.

Something I will say. And I noticed the first time around the scaling of the cats to the world around them. Pretty accurate. I can appreciate that their world is so much bigger because they're cat sized.

However, the fact that they're just running around two legs, come on. You're going to CG something. Make them around four legs? I guess.

This is weird. More puns. Just the way they move, that was just creepy as hell too. Get diggy with it.

Yeah, it really does sound like a happy ending. Can I get a run, tongue, tugger? Chin off, covenant. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. Wow. I would say more names than cats to make it sound like a worse happy ending, but I don't know any of the other names. Those people listening at home going like, why am I still listening to this?

Why am I still watching this movie? Because I can't loop away. Welcome to our world. Puns.

Yeah. Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah? Oh, no, party.

Markering. It's a euphemism. No, bar. Yeah, this guy went super funny.

They're at a milk bar guzzling milk falling from a mysterious place. Yeah, it was a little too a milk bar. A lot more orange. I'd rather be at that one in this one.

I've never been to a milk bar. I haven't been to a anywhere. Is that a thing? Yeah.

Probably one that I think that's an actual thing. Oh, he has a fish around his neck. Because he's a street cat. So like play the play with his clock.

Look at his face. Good lord. And he just dropped her? Yep.

He just said that her. Oh. Testicles are squealing the sign. Oh, Jellicles.

Sorry. Oh. Sorry about to see the lovely Miss Jennifer Hudson. Yeah, it's a grumpy cat.

Grumpy cat. Grumpy cat. Grumpy cat. I give these actors credit though.

They throw themselves into it. Oh yeah. No, it's a totally talented cast. Yeah.

And that's an even like this ED. Like, you know this ED made me fucking weird as shit. But they did their jobs. It's just like I said.

I think everybody watching this movie was like we were into this play. It's making a fucking sense. There's just a lot of talent in one place. It's kind of just like mixing all the colors of the rainbow.

Yeah. And you just sort of end up with a mess. It's like when you mix a bunch of sodas into that side of the side mix and it just comes out to her. Yeah.

You're thinking, oh this is going to be good. This is awesome. I was like what the fuck? Yeah.

I filled my cup with disappointment. Excuse me. I've reintroduced myself to Corona and it makes me burpy. Burpy.

Yeah. You're looking at them? In the human forms? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Grisabella's still doesn't sound like a good way to end a massage.

No. No. You gotta tell Grisabella to climb her cat. But it's glamorous.

But Grisabella. The gris part. Yeah. Just call it the gris.

That's a better name for her cat. The gris. Actually, Grisabella is a good cat. Yeah.

Yeah. Wear her head voice. Oh. And he got her fat.

Mm-hmm. And that's the weird thing about this movie. Everybody's walking around with two legs and everything. And then they crawl.

And randomly they'll go four legs. Oh, you? The talented Mr. James Gordon.

He looks like Penguin from Batman. Yeah. You're like a bat cat in the hat? Yeah.

Literally. Yeah. This movie's Wait to Starts Cats. It's what?

Wait to Starts. Oh, everybody likes Fat Cat. But thinking they're like all jolly and they're all goofy and everything. Oh, look at that.

Yeah, look at Garfield. Yeah. You've disgruntled and blessed against this lasagna. But Garfield's an awesome cat.

That's true. I would watch a remake of Cats just with Garfield. That's fair. Oh.

Did I ever tell you my idea for the sequel for Cats? Oh, God. No. Basically doing the same style of like cats and everything.

Okay. No. No. Getting celebrities and everything.

And super posing their faces onto cats and internet videos. The whole movie is that. Oh. And they should be feeling like, okay.

Snippets and piece of that. Yeah. Just like saying like saying that on the cat pushing something off the counter. And just talking.

Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck you.

You just killed that cat. Is that what that is? Not really. Spoiler alert.

You're just starting to hear it with them. I don't. Is that any way to treat a gel at a time? I don't even know how to treat.

I don't even know what a gel at all is yet. I've seen this movie before. That is a disgusting trash. Yeah.

Kind of gross. Yeah. That's London for you. Do you remember any moths coming trash cans?

I don't. I don't. I'm just saying you need 80s against. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know.

I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I imagine sometimes it's way James Gordon. He's better.

Yeah. Was that something that James Gordon is going to do? Hell, I know. Kind of look on his face there too.

What's kind of like the fucking I doing? I would really not want that after a freaking massage. Yeah. A lot of musicals have really catchy songs that you just like find yourself singing.

I don't think there's a single song. Yeah. All of this. That I would ever just like be singing and skipping around a house, cleaning too.

Yeah. Well, there's that one song only get to it. I'm trying those. Okay.

Yeah. That's fair. That one song I had no idea was from cats. Oh, that's true.

But one out of every other line. Basically. Yeah. Where's white?

You know about where James was white? Hey, so it's Deadpool. Yeah. I'm not watching this movie.

I'm a fat cat. Yes, I am. Why does she not have just jumped up there? She's cat.

Cats can jump. Yeah. And they can't pull each other up like that. Well, they can't in the magical world of cats.

Cats. I may have grown silent there for a moment, but I had to pee. Fuck you. Yeah.

That's why I went before we started boys. Oh, you're not drinking crappy beer. Thank you, Grana. Oh, I remember seeing this is the oversized clothing and all that fun stuff.

Yeah. Because a seasoned pot maker was pulled aside and go, what's my assignment for cats? You're making giant bloomers. Yeah.

We've got yards. One yards of spare fabric. Make it something. Oh, no, it's not spare.

They bought it intentionally. To make giant bloomers. Because nobody has damaged fabrics. Yeah.

Well, no, that's why you called it budget. I think they should have taken their budget elsewhere. Yeah. We gave her a pearl necklace.

Oh, shame. Puns. Dirty ones. I'm just thinking about this now.

I'm going to have to watch this again as I edit. Oh, lucky you. You're going to watch it, too. Am I?

Yeah. I'm going to have to be really though. Am I? No, no.

We'll see. When the day comes. Yeah. Oh, that's me before coming first.

That's true. And I was standing before. I got to the time on my hands. Yeah.

I think Roxie knows we're watching cats. It's good. There you go. Yeah.

I just got earrings to go with her. Yeah. Another thing. Seasoned prop maker was pulled aside.

We need to make a giant pot roast. Right? Oh, I am? Can we do a giant rubris, please?

Yeah. Why was all that just unattended? And how do these stray cats get into this house? Right.

Because they're gelicals. Oh. I still don't know what gelical means. Me either.

Let's all find out together. Okay. Oh, I think that might be the reason why it happens. I think I'll let that out.

You know, people are going to come home to this shit and be like, what the fuck? Yeah. Okay. That's kind of actually a pretty good one to have after a massage.

A ruffle teaser? A ruffle teaser, yeah. Yeah, especially looking over the mongo Jerry. Yeah.

You want a ruffle teaser by governor? Yeah. You want a ruffle teaser? Yeah.

She's chucking her for all naculous. Oh, no. I can't walk in those countries either. How many?

Oh, she's got a couple of different earrings on it. Yeah. I was like, when did she get those? It was the other one on this side.

Oh, I got it. That's either a big cat or that was a teeny-ass bone. He's about to give her a tiny-ass bone. Okay.

Hey, want to see a magic trick? You're gonna make this wiener disappear? Whoops. We'll be back back.

And for that to be a bracelet around her neck, she's got a really, really tiny, tiny neck, or that's a really, really fat fat wrist. Dead with the rings? Look, they have fingers. Exactly.

I thought it was cute. But... Now we think about it logically. It's not stupid.

I had complimented the scaling initially, however. It's a problem. I thought that was a subject in school. Good eronomy.

Good eronomy? Yeah. Sunday school? I think it's a library version.

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