Why “They Know Better” Isn’t the Same as “They Can Do Better”

Parents of neurodivergent kids hear it all the time: “They know better.”And when the behavior keeps happening, that phrase quietly turns into blame—toward the child or toward the parent.In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers unpacks why knowing what to do isn’t the same as being able to do it, especially for neurodivergent kids whose executive functioning skills are still developing.We’ll talk about the difference between knowledge and capacity, how stress and overwhelm make skills go offline, and why reminders, lectures, and consequences so often fail to create real change. This conversation connects executive functioning, regulation, and everyday behavior in a way that helps parents respond with more accuracy and less frustration.This episode builds on earlier conversations about meltdowns and nervous system overload and offers a more compassionate, science-based way to understand inconsistency—without lowering expectations or giving up on growth.If you’ve ever wondered why your child can explain the rule perfectly but still struggles to follow it, this episode is for you.Let Us Know What You Think!Support the showBeneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.