Why We Abandon Ourselves in Relationships | The Right Therapist

In this episode of The Right Therapist, Laura speaks with Celia Dunsmore, an accredited mental health social worker whose work is grounded in attachment theory and trauma-informed therapy. Celia draws from somatic experiencing, emotion-focused therapy and compassion-focused approaches to help people understand how early relationships shape the way they experience safety, connection and intimacy. Together they explore how attachment patterns develop in childhood, how they influence adult relationships, and how therapy can help people build new experiences of safety, regulation and connection. The episode includes a short therapy demonstration that offers a glimpse into how attachment wounds can be explored and integrated in the therapy room. Timestamps:00:00 — Childhood survival strategies How early environments shape protective responses like people-pleasing, fawning and becoming invisible to stay safe. 00:38 — Introduction to Celia Dunsmore 01:27 — Who Celia works with Supporting adolescents and adults navigating relational trauma, anxiety, depression and neurodivergence. 03:30 — When anxiety has no obvious cause 04:26 — How early experiences shape the nervous system 06:36 — Why therapy often revisits childhood 08:08 — Regulation and nervous system safety 09:51 — Introduction to attachment theory 11:40 — Therapy demonstration begins 13:34 — Exploring early attachment experiences 16:02 — How infants adapt for survival 18:27 — Family dynamics and emotional safety 20:30 — Grieving unmet childhood needs 23:02 — Meeting the younger self in therapy 25:05 — Reparenting and compassion 28:04 — The role of the therapist 31:03 — Why attunement matters 33:41 — Cognitive insight vs embodied healing 36:00 — The courage required for therapy 40:29 — Collaboration in the therapeutic relationship 44:04 — Repairing relational ruptures 48:07 — How healing changes everyday behaviour 50:40 — Parenting after doing personal therapy 54:41 — Secure attachment explained 57:21 — Avoidant attachment 1:01:00 — Disorganised attachment 1:04:34 — Are attachment styles problems? 1:06:32 — Can relationships work without secure attachment? 1:08:49 — Navigating relationships with avoidant partners 1:12:01 — From conflict to co-regulation 1:14:05 — Closing reflections