Why we fear change in our relationships

This Lecture incorporates a story of 'Margaret's Bird', which tells about a bird who chose to value the security of his cage over freedom in the context of his very own life. Although security is most people's first choice in life, it may not be the option that provides us with the outcomes we truly want! A common problem that many of us face in life and our relationships, is our innate desire to please other people in order to be accepted by them. The reason why this is a problem, is that if our need to be accepted by others comes at the cost of our freedom to simply be ourselves in our relationships, the only person we end up making truly miserable and lonely is ourselves. The need to feel significant, of value to others and secure within ourselves are three universal motives that drive and often govern us all in some way. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor in forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is right now in the present. That famous quote by Benjamin Franklin that "Those who would give up freedom, to purchase a piece of temporary Safety, deserve neither Freedom nor Safety" The reason why so many of value security in our relationships opposed to 100% honesty and authenticity is that the truth can often hurt, either ourselves or others. And when we begin on the journey of becoming clear of our own person standards and start communicating them to those we find ourselves in relationship with, we can leave ourselves wide open and exposed to the potential rejection of others. Keeping the peace and not being totally honest about our standards in relationships can be easy, and this will often provide us with a false sense of security. However, if you value the idea of Freedom in your relationships beyond the comforts of security, this will demand from us change - and change always brings about uncertainty. Why do we fear change in our relationships? Because we'd often rather live with security that the uncertainty that accompanies the freedom of personal authenticity. http://www.kainramsay.com