Why "work-life balance" is unattainable (and what to do instead)

Therapists and teachers (and anyone else in a “helping people” profession) always have to take care of OTHER people…which is hard to do if you’re burnt out all the time. But most of the advice they’re given about “self-care” and achieving a “work-life” balance is unhelpful. There are a lot of “tips and tools” out there for stress relief and productivity. In the self-care realm, it ranges from reasonable suggestions like gratitude journaling or meditation to more questionable things like “crying in your car” or “hide in the bathtub with a bottle of wine and drown your sorrows”. Perhaps the biggest issue of all is the myth of a “work-life” balance. When people say they want a “work-life” balance, what they’re really saying is: “I don’t have enough energy and time to devote to things that matter to me.” We don’t accomplish this by striving for “work-life” balance, nor do we get there with a disjointed list of superficial tips. In episode 73, I share an alternative way of looking at “balance”, fulfillment, and career satisfaction. This is what I used to maintain some sense of peace while I was working on my dissertation and working full time in the school systems. It’s the opposite of what most people do, and I believe it’s why 60% of the people in my doctoral program end up ABD (“all but dissertation”). It’s always why so many talented therapists and teachers leave “passion projects” on the backburner and get stuck in the day-to-day hustle. In this episode, I mentioned that I’m about to open the doors to my Clinical Leadership program. This program is designed to help pediatric therapists be better leaders, so they can make a bigger impact with their services. If you’re a therapist or an educator working with kids, and you want to think bigger about how you serve your caseload, community, and your field, then this program is for you. You can join the waiting list here to be notified when program enrollment is open. The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.