Why You Can’t “Just Move On” From Trauma With Amber T

In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia is joined by Amber Trejo, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified clinical trauma professional who specializes in complex childhood trauma and the family system. Amber is also a wife and mom of three on her own healing journey, and today she helps Sonia unpack how childhood wounds quietly shape adult life — and what it looks like to move from survival mode into safety, self-regulation, and connection. Sonia and Amber explore the ways complex trauma can show up long after childhood — through hypervigilance, perfectionism, emotional shutdown, and repeating relationship patterns. They discuss why so many people struggle to even name what happened to them, especially when emotional neglect, invalidation, or silent treatment were normalized. Amber shares a nervous-system-centered approach to healing, weaving in polyvagal theory, cues of safety versus danger, parts work, somatic grounding, and EMDR. The conversation touches on how trauma lives in both the brain and the body, and why healing requires more than simply intellectualizing the past — it’s about building real capacity for regulation, curiosity, and connection in the present. In the personal story thread, Sonia opens up about having very few childhood memories, the fear of “making it up,” and the complicated ways trauma can surface later in adulthood, especially in relationships and family dynamics. Together, they connect trauma work to sobriety — exploring addiction as a form of nervous system coping, why white-knuckling often isn’t enough, and how early recovery sometimes means doing whatever it takes to get through the hardest moments with compassion. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. 00:00 — Amber Trejo joins Sonia to discuss trauma healing 01:00 — Amber shares her own childhood trauma and path to therapy 03:00 — Trauma resurfacing through marriage and motherhood 04:00 — Complex trauma vs single-event PTSD 05:00 — Emotional neglect as an overlooked trauma wound 07:00 — Why complex trauma shows up most in relationships 08:00 — Sonia’s “grimy breaker” metaphor for trauma patterns 10:00 — Minimizing pain: “but it could be worse” 12:00 — Shame, invalidation, and not trusting emotions 14:00 — Perfectionism as a survival strategy 15:00 — Parts work and inner child healing 17:00 — Intellectualizing vs healing in the body 18:00 — Sonia on missing childhood memories 20:00 — “What if I’m making it up?” as a trauma hallmark 22:00 — Safety and resourcing before deeper trauma work 25:00 — Cues of danger, passive aggression, and hypervigilance 31:00 — Ventral vagal state: curiosity as a sign of safety 33:00 — Addiction as nervous system regulation 38:00 — Alcohol as relief before it becomes the problem 45:00 — Early sobriety: small realistic coping tools 49:00 — Creativity, aliveness, and building daily regulation practices Amber's Links: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/integrativetraumatherapist?igsh=MWpvdTI5emVyZzU4aA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr Course for parents with trauma: https://stan.store/Integrativetraumatherapist/p/-sjwt4r2x Website: https://www.theintegrativetraumatherapist.com/ SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.