Why You Feel Rejected in Bed: Understanding Sexual and Emotional Cycles (Encore)

This is an encore episode — a conversation that doesn't get had enough, and one worth returning to.One of you needs to feel emotionally connected before your body opens up. The other needs physical closeness to feel emotionally connected at all. Neither of you is wrong. But the way this plays out — one reaching, one pulling back, both reading the other's response as rejection — can leave a relationship quietly starving for connection that neither person knows how to ask for.In this conversation with EFT therapists Dennis and Kim Eames, Rachel explores the sexual cycle that runs parallel to the pursue-withdraw pattern — and how it creates a specific kind of loneliness that couples rarely name out loud. The emotional pursuer becomes the sexual withdrawer. The emotional withdrawer becomes the sexual pursuer. They're both reaching for the same thing. They keep missing each other anyway.What makes this episode particularly clarifying is the reframe Dennis and Kim offer: these aren't personality traits or signs of incompatibility. They're relational strategies — attachment patterns in a different channel, asking the same question every pursue-withdraw cycle asks underneath the surface: do you want me? Do I matter to you? Am I enough? When couples understand the cycle underneath the sexual one, the reach toward each other changes.Safety, it turns out, gets built on the back of tiny risks over time. Not grand gestures. Not perfectly timed conversations. Just the willingness to say what's actually happening — and to let that be enough.Dennis and Kim are passionate about guiding couples through the Emotionally Focused Therapy process that transformed their own marriage. When the quick fixes and band-aids stopped holding things together, EFT helped them rebuild into a securely connected partnership—one with more stability, closeness, and passion than they imagined possible.Both are Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists practicing in Federal Way, WA, and across the state via telehealth. Together, they also lead Hold Me Tight Seattle workshops for couples.Dennis is a Certified EFT Couple, Family, and Individual Therapist & SupervisorLearn more: Infinity Family Therapy | EFT Intensives | Hold Me Tight Seattle | FacebookIf this landed for you, leaving a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts makes it easier for people who need this to find it. It takes less than a minute and it genuinely helps.Got a question or a topic you'd like me to cover? Want me to coach on your topic? Share your request and if selected, I'll address it on an upcoming episode. [Submit Here]ResourcesFree 7-Day Relationship Challenge: 7 short emails and daily challenges that you can do with your morning coffee. You'll never see your relationship the same way again.Work with Me - Individualized Guidance: High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.DisclaimerThis podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.Mentioned in this episode:Why You Feel Rejected in Bed: Understanding Sexual and Emotional Cycles (Encore)