Why You Feel Stuck: Ambivalence, the Inner Critic & Change | The Right Therapist

In this episode of The Right Therapist, Laura speaks with Janice Florent, a PACFA Certified Clinical Supervisor and Registered Clinical Counsellor with 25 years of experience, about why change can feel so difficult even when we genuinely want it. Janice explains ambivalence as the normal push and pull between wanting change and fearing what it may cost. Rather than rushing into plans or advice, she invites clients and therapists to slow down, make room for competing parts, and explore the values beneath each option. The conversation examines the righting reflex - the urge to fix distress - and how premature solutions can disconnect people from their own wisdom. Laura and Janice also explore the 'inner committee': the inner critic, the perfectionist, the hesitant part, and the inner mentor. Janice reframes the inner critic as a protector that needs to be understood rather than silenced, and describes how compassion-focused therapy can help balance the threat, drive, and soothing systems. Using Paul Gilbert's red, blue, and green circles, they explain why regulation is not about remaining calm all the time. They discuss avoidance, the window of tolerance, and how small moments of soothing can help us approach difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed. They also examine high achievement and perfectionism, asking when striving is connected to purpose and when it is driven by fear or self-criticism. The conversation then turns to decision paralysis, fear of making the wrong choice, and the value of taking small experimental steps. Janice explains what a strengths-based approach looks like in practice, how therapists can identify barriers and enablers, and how change talk can signal that someone is becoming ready to move forward. Finally, Laura and Janice explore the grief that can accompany even positive change and how gratitude can support the soothing system without becoming forced positivity. This is a compassionate conversation about therapy as a place of courage, curiosity, self-trust, and change at your own pace. #ambivalence #change #innercritictherapy #compassionfocusedtherapy #rightingreflex #nervoussystemregulation soothingsystems #selfcompassion #valuesbasedtherapy #therapypodcast #mentalhealth Episode Timestamps 00:00 — Opening reflection 00:30 — Introduction to Janice Florent 01:36 — Janice's work 03:09 — Why rushing change can backfire 05:22 — The therapist's righting reflex 07:23 — Ambivalence in the change process 09:20 — Meeting the inner committee 11:07 — Understanding the inner critic 13:46 — Growing the inner mentor 14:48 — When choices feel high stakes 17:32 — Values as a way through ambivalence 19:26 — Letting every part have a voice 19:45 — The three emotional regulation systems 23:15 — Balancing threat, drive, and soothing 24:17 — Regulation is not constant calm 26:20 — Small ways to enter the green zone 28:31 — Why soothing is easy to overlook 34:17 — Avoiding the threat zone 37:14 — Building tolerance for difficult emotions 42:00 — High achievement and perfectionism 44:32 — The inner mentor and balanced striving 50:19 — When a decision feels paralysing 54:33 — Fear of change 59:05 — A strengths-based approach 1:07:21 — Barriers and enablers 1:09:22 — Recognising readiness for change 1:13:19 — Grief and loss in change 1:18:17 — Gratitude without performance 1:24:54 — Closing reflection