Why You Keep Chasing Approval Without Realizing It

Most people don’t walk into conversations thinking they’re trying to win approval. They believe they’re simply being polite, agreeable, or easy to get along with. Yet beneath the surface, many people are unknowingly running a subtle pattern—constantly scanning others for signs that they’re doing well, saying the right thing, or being liked. In this episode, Dr. Aziz explores what he calls “approval harvesting.” This is the unconscious habit of tracking other people’s reactions—looking for smiles, laughter, nods, or praise—to determine whether you’re okay. While it may seem harmless, this pattern can quietly turn conversations, social gatherings, dating, and even workplace interactions into performances where the goal becomes getting approval rather than expressing yourself. Through relatable examples—like walking into a dinner party and monitoring every reaction—Dr. Aziz shows how this internal “approval tracker” can create social anxiety, performance pressure, and a growing disconnection from your authentic self. Over time, you may start filtering, softening, or reshaping what you say just to keep yourself in the “good column” of others’ reactions. At the root of this pattern lies a deeper equation many people unknowingly adopt: approval equals worth. When approval is present, you feel relief and validation. When it isn’t, self-doubt and anxiety surge. This dynamic can drive people-pleasing, overthinking, and a constant effort to manage how others see you. Dr. Aziz invites you to step back and observe this pattern in your own life. Instead of criticizing yourself for it, you’ll learn how to notice when approval harvesting appears—especially in uncertain social situations—and begin asking a powerful question: What would you do if your worth wasn’t on the line? Tune in to discover how awareness of this hidden pattern can be the first step toward greater confidence, authenticity, and a deeper connection with others.