Why You React That Way: The Power of Attachment Styles in Marriage

What’s really behind the way you and your spouse respond in conflict? Why do some people shut down, while others press in harder? What if the way you love, and fight, has less to do with your partner and more to do with your past? In this episode, Dr. Ryan and Kendra peel back the emotional layers of attachment theory, breaking down the four major styles, secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant, and how each one shows up in real-life marriages. With unfiltered honesty and a touch of humor, they unpack how their own attachment styles have created challenges, triggered reactions, and shaped the way they connect, fight, and repair. Kendra shares how childhood loss and her dismissive-avoidant wiring created trust barriers in their relationship, while Dr. Ryan opens up about being a pursuer and how his need for connection can sometimes come off as attack. Together, they offer practical insights, honest mistakes, and real-time growth as they navigate conflict, parenting, and healing in their own marriage. Key Takeaways: The 4 attachment styles and how they form in childhood How your attachment style plays out in adult conflict and connection Why becoming a “resident expert” on your spouse’s trauma changes everything The “sins of omission” vs. “sins of commission” in relationships How to ask your spouse and kids: What makes you feel loved? “Understanding your spouse’s trauma and attachment style is like learning their emotional operating system. You can’t love them well if you don’t understand what makes them tick.” - Kendra Hewitt Call to Action:Take a moment after this episode to ask your spouse (or your kids): What makes you feel most loved? Then just listen. No fixes. No defenses. Just presence. If this episode stirred something in you, share it with a friend or leave us a review, it helps more couples get honest and grow. Learn more about Kendra Hewitt by visiting the following links: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kendra.hewitt/ Learn more about Dr. Ryan Hewitt by visiting the following links:Dr. Ryan Hewitt Website: https://www.drryanhewitt.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices