Why Your Partner Keeps Lying to You

Today we are going to talk about the top three ways to get your partner to stop lying to you. Let me start off by asking you a question: Have you, my sweet listener, yelled, screamed, pleaded and begged, bargained, counseled, and done everything else you could possibly think of to get your loved one sober? You are exhausted and resentful that you stay up late into the night worrying and trying to figure out how you can help while your partner is lying there passed out on the couch from another night of drinking or drugs. And tomorrow he or she will probably wake up and act like nothing happened - meanwhile, you feel like your heart was just ripped out. You try to talk to them, doing your best to let them know just how awful he or she was last night. How much they hurt you. And how they broke their promises (again) to stop drinking or using drugs. After some denial, he or she sits there and listens to you and watches you get all your feelings out. You present a long-winded, detailed, vulnerable, honest monologue. Your loved one listens and agrees with you. And then he or she drinks again. Ugh! Why does he or she keep lying and telling you that they're going to stop? Because they know the drill. They know that if they just nod their head and act like they're listening… eventually, you will stop talking. And then he or she can go back to drinking. This is your routine. You react by crying, sulking, begging, yelling.  Your partner listens, says sorry, tells you how much they love you, and makes you feel special. Then drinks again. How do you get your loved one to stop lying to you and when can you trust him again? Don't ask him to promise you he'll stop. Your partner knows his or her drinking or drug use has got to stop. They might not act like it, but they know it's killing them and your relationship. You don't need to remind them. Base your decisions on what your partner does - not what they say. Does he or she tell you that their family is more important than their drinking? So how does that line up with his or her choices? Does your loved one tell you they love you and that they don't deserve you, and then a week later neglects you by going to the bar, drinking on a special occasion, or leaving you to attend an event alone? Pay attention to your partner's actions, not his words. You can start to trust them after twelve months of sobriety. Don't feel guilty if they've stopped drinking for three months and you still don't trust them. Your partner has done a lot of damage and he or she needs to rebuild trust with you one choice at a time. You're a smart woman. Don't let this disease fool you. The quickest way to stop feeling crazy and not be lied to is to stop believing the lies and look at the facts. Write them down if you have to. Join us at one of our work-at-your-own-pace programs and become a member of our secret Facebook group where the doors always open to talk about these major life changes.