EPISODE · Dec 8, 2025 · 25 MIN
Why Your PDA Child Isn’t Being Defiant and How to Support Them | Ep. 143
from Autistic and ADHD Kids Parenting Strategies: Every Brain is Different · host Samantha Foote
In this episode, Samantha and Lauren discuss strategies for effectively parenting children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). They emphasize the importance of collaboration over direct demands to help children feel more in control and safe, which mitigates reactive behaviors.They explain how giving children choices and involving them in decision-making can prevent the activation of their parasympathetic nervous system, which is linked to anxiety and defensive behaviors.Practical examples like offering options instead of direct commands are given and the importance of flexibility and patience in parenting, particularly for neurodivergent families is discussed.Samantha and Lauren also highlight the significance of co-regulation and maintaining a calm demeanor to support a child's sense of autonomy and safety.A PDA cheat sheet with useful scripts and strategies is available for listeners. 00:00 Introduction00:39 Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)03:00 Collaborative Parenting Strategies06:08 Practical Examples and Scripts09:37 Managing Parental Expectations and Flexibility21:30 Maintaining a Regulated Nervous System24:30 Conclusion and Resources Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membershipGet the PDA Cheat Sheet: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/pda-cheat-sheet Connect with Samantha Foote!Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferentYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent
What this episode covers
In this episode, Samantha and Lauren discuss strategies for effectively parenting children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). They emphasize the importance of collaboration over direct demands to help children feel more in control and safe, which mitigates reactive behaviors. They explain how giving children choices and involving them in decision-making can prevent the activation of their parasympathetic nervous system, which is linked to anxiety and defensive behaviors. Practical examples like offering options instead of direct commands are given and the importance of flexibility and patience in parenting, particularly for neurodivergent families is discussed. Samantha and Lauren also highlight the significance of co-regulation and maintaining a calm demeanor to support a child's sense of autonomy and safety. A PDA cheat sheet with useful scripts and strategies is available for listeners.
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Why Your PDA Child Isn’t Being Defiant and How to Support Them | Ep. 143
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