Why you’re terrified they’ll leave: How to heal your fear of abandonment & anxious attachment with Sarah Shiffman

Why does the thought of someone leaving feel so unbearable, even when you KNOW you’ll be okay? In this episode, Sarah Shiffman interviews me about what’s actually happening underneath the fear of abandonment and anxious attachment, and why understanding your patterns intellectually often isn’t enough to change them. We dive into how fear of abandonment gets stored in the nervous system, why your body can react to distance, rejection, or someone pulling away like it’s a genuine threat, and how somatic work can help you build the capacity to feel safe even when you don’t have reassurance from someone else. We talk about: • Why fear of abandonment can feel so intense in your body • The connection between anxious attachment and nervous system dysregulation • Why you can understand WHY you’re triggered and still struggle to change the pattern • How Brainspotting can help you process attachment wounds at a deeper level • Using breathwork and nervous system regulation to build more capacity for difficult emotions • Adult self anchoring and learning to access the part of you that knows, “I can handle this” • How protector parts develop and what can happen when you begin to unmask what they’re actually protecting • Pendulation and learning to move between discomfort and safety instead of becoming consumed by an emotion • Why healing isn’t about never getting triggered again, but changing your relationship with your triggers • What it can actually look like to heal the fear of abandonment and begin feeling more secure within yourself If you’ve ever felt like someone pulling away sends your entire nervous system into panic, found yourself obsessing over whether someone is going to leave, or wondered why all the self-awareness in the world hasn’t made your anxious attachment disappear, this episode is for you. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation. I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/ Connect with Sarah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/youloveandyoulearn/