World Cup: The Scoreboard in Your Head

How do you feel when someone "calls you out" for something you've done… or maybe something you haven't done? For me, there have been times when, instead of simply hearing what they're saying, I begin searching through my mental files for evidence that they've made mistakes too."You think I did that? Well, let me remind you of what you did."Most of us would never admit that we keep score in our relationships, but we do. Every relationship has a scorecard. The question isn't whether we're keeping score. The question is: What are we counting?Are we counting every disappointment, forgotten promise, insensitive comment, and moment when the other person fell short? Or are we counting the times they showed up, made an effort, apologized, grew, encouraged us, and got it right?The truth is, we're the ones who decide what we count.Giving credit doesn't mean ignoring hurtful behavior or avoiding honest conversations. Healthy relationships require accountability. But accountability is very different from keeping a running total of everything another person has ever done wrong.Giving credit means recognizing effort. It means noticing progress instead of demanding perfection. It means becoming aware of our natural tendency to focus more on what's wrong than what's right.Check out our latest episode on the Relationshifts podcast, where we talk about what it means to stop keeping score and start giving credit.Before adding another mark to someone's scorecard, pause and ask yourself:What am I choosing to count?Look for the effort. Acknowledge the improvement. Give credit for the progress, even when there's still room to grow. The scorecard in every relationship will never be completely balanced. We will all disappoint one another. We will all need grace.When we choose to shift from keeping score to giving credit, we will make a difference.Larry