Xanet - Intimacy

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, I’m joined by Xanet.Xanet is a sex and intimacy coach who came into this work through lived experience. Twenty six years in a sexless marriage. Not theory. Not study. Real life.This conversation sits inside intimacy, vulnerability, and what actually happens in long term relationships when the surface level connection fades and people are left facing themselves.We talk about the difference between sex and intimacy and how most people confuse the two. How easy it is to have sex without real closeness, especially in the beginning of relationships when dopamine and novelty are doing most of the work.But long term intimacy is different.It asks more of you.More honesty.More vulnerability.More exposure.Because eventually it is not about impressing the other person anymore. It is about allowing yourself to actually be seen.We go into the fear around that.How much easier it can feel to be sexually open with someone new than with the person you have built a life with. Because with a stranger there is no real risk. But with your partner, rejection lands deeper. You still have to look them in the eye afterwards. You still have to stay in the relationship with whatever gets exposed.Xanet speaks openly about her own attachment wounds and how they still show up in her relationship now. The fear around hard conversations. The fear of abandonment. And how awareness does not magically remove the reaction, but it does create space to work with it differently.This one also moves into something I care about a lot.The way childhood patterns show up in adult relationships. Not as concepts, but in real moments. Conflict, defensiveness, withdrawal, fear, reassurance. Most of the time it is not two adults fighting. It is two wounded children trying to protect themselves.We also talk about therapy itself and how easy it is for people like us to hide behind awareness, language, and knowledge. To start therapising instead of connecting. To explain instead of feeling.This conversation is not about perfect relationships.It is about what it takes to stay open inside one. What it takes to repair. To own your shit. To stop seeing your partner as the enemy and start seeing what is actually happening underneath the reaction.The question Xanet leaves for the next guest is this.If there is one thing in your life you could have done differently, what would it have been?It’s You. Oh Fuck. It’s ME. In Session with a PsychotherapistHosted by Chad Taylor. Author of It’s You. Oh Fuck. It’s MENo tips.No fixing.Just real conversations.Xanet Pailet can be found at https://www.passionateintimacyretreats.com/@xanetpop on InstagramWEBSITEINSTAGRAM BOOK SALES: SHOPIFYGROUPS/COURSES: PATREON