YKWIM #89: Reasons to Log Off

It started a couple weeks ago. That terrible Screen Time notification popped up like it does every week and this time I actually looked instead of swiping it aside. Good grief, this is embarrassing. The whole joke about breaking up with my phone was not a joke anymore. I needed SPACE. I turned on the time limit features. I started drawing in the mornings. I finally read How to Do Nothing three years after everyone else. I felt more in control (a bad sign, always). This past Monday afternoon, I was leaving to meet up with a friend and as I’m on the stairs, just a few steps from the door, my left ankle betrays me like it’s done many times. A quick twist and I’m down before I can even grab on to the railing. Pain pain pain, that old pain pain pain. A classic sprain. RICE, an ice pack, pain relievers, I know it all. I joke/not joke, but ankle sprains are the worst low stakes injury. Take away the sympathy of a broken bone with the same level of pain plus the expectation to walk it off. Don’t even get me started on the instructions to stay off it for 2-4 weeks as if we live in a country where that’s a possibility. So now not only am I stuck in my studio apartment, completely alone, incapable of leaving, but my only connection to my friends and family is the electronic rectangle that I’ve been trying flee. It was like Misery, except I’m both Annie and Paul. The one thing keeping me grounded was knowing that I was handling this differently than I have before. Past Andrea would have limped out the door, picked up her friend, and said everything is fine. I can practically feel my ankle joint throbbing on a cold coffee shop chair as I type this. Past Andrea would have kept the temp gig she had scheduled the next day and limped down the same set of stairs and drove across town, for what, a little extra cash that would be spent as quickly as it arrived while the damage to my ankle kept getting worse and worse? Not worth it, babe. When I’ve hurt this ankle in the past and felt the need to jump back into action immediately, that was me not prioritizing the rest I needed because I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I needed to do do do, and I’ve done it, over and over, but not this time.So what did I do instead? I read some, wrote less. I had tea. I sent voice memos to my friends. I wept to this podcast. I laid on my bed listening to sad songs and watched the light change through the skylights. I made comfort food— avocado toast, an egg and cheese breakfast sandwich, super garlic-y pasta and broccoli. I thought a lot about my friend Zo’s feature project from this last semester about rest as a radical act. I pretended the studio apartment was the setting of my one-woman show and talked about hard feelings and personal realizations to an audience of no one. I let myself not do but just be. And I made some bad art.“Reasons to Log Off”The girl who said she could never eat a second sliceof pizza my senior year of college is doing really well.My cousin posts a photo of a loaded gun. Have I everheard of the Second Amendment? Have I ever heardof this new recipe? Cauliflower, a hint of lemon, somechopped-up ginger root. Hey, do you want to loseweight in only thirty minutes? Hey, can I have just amoment of your time? Click here to receive a specialinvitation. Click here if you want to believe in God.Tomorrow there’s a Pride walk to support the right tomarry. One comment says: I will pray for your affliction.Another says: I hope you trip, fall down, and die.Swipe up to find my new lip filler. Scroll down to readwhy these four girls were horribly afraid. Greg isasking for your number. Greg wants to send abig surprise.— Kate BaerI appreciate this moment of your time. I have nothing to sell you but myself, the greatest commodity of all. The links to more of my nonsense can be found below if you want to keep click-click-clicking. I’ll be honest, I would not object if you bought me a cup of coffee, which you can do here or here. Thank you, I love you, goodbye. @andrealaurion | andrealaurion.com | @andrealaurion This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit andrealaurion.substack.com