You Are Harder on Yourself Than G-d Is | Karen Hochhauser

The Torah opens up with failure after failure, we have laws of repair (teshuvah) baked into our Judaism, and yet many who live a value-driven life live in enormous fear of failing. Why are we harder on ourselves than G-d is?Today, we talk about the Jewish perspective on failure, along with Karen's own experiences. How do you hold your mistakes seriously without becoming them? Does forgiving yourself mean letting yourself off the hook? We get into the Rambam's laws of teshuva, Rav Soloveitchik's framework of fate versus destiny, and a seminary interview answer that always made Karen uncomfortable. * * * * * * *With more than 25 years of dedicated experience in Jewish education, Karen Hochhauser brings a deep passion for learning and leadership to her role as Co-Director of the Miriam Glaubach Center. In this senior leadership position she helps guide the Center’s mission of supporting, educating and certifying Yoatzot Halacha—women trained as halachic advisors—and of strengthening communities across North America and beyond. Prior to this appointment, Karen spent 17 years at Tiferet, a thriving seminary in Ramat Beit Shemesh, both as a teacher and an administrator. During that time she developed expertise in mentoring young adults, designing and implementing enriching programs, and cultivating vibrant educational communities.She holds a B.A. in English Literature and an M.A. in Jewish Education from Yeshiva University. Karen lives in Beit Shemesh with her husband. Dr. Carl Hochhauser, and their five children. Find her on instagram @torahwithmymother. Karen can be reached at [email protected] inquire about sponsorship & advertising opportunities, please email us at [email protected] support our work, visit humanandholy.com/sponsor.Find us on Instagram @humanandholy & subscribe to our channel to stay up to date on all our upcoming conversations ✨Human & Holy podcast is available on all podcast streaming platforms. New episodes every Sunday & Wednesday on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts.* * * * * * *TIMESTAMPS:0:00 — We are much harder on ourselves than G-d is1:16 — Why the Torah begins with a series of human catastrophes2:46 — "Failure is almost a four-letter word in my house" 5:04 — Adam, Kayin, Noach: what the Torah's biggest stumbles have in common8:55 — Failure is inevitable. So why did Hashem design it that way?9:01 — The Rambam's radical idea: return is always possible10:53 — Asking for forgiveness vs. granting it, which is actually harder?11:18 — The mirror exercise: what it really means to forgive yourself12:38 — The seminary interview answer Karen couldn't stand13:51 — The difference between shame that destroys and accountability that heals15:26 — Chapter one of Tanya: why calling yourself a rasha is dangerous17:32 — Rav Soloveitchik's fate vs. destiny 21:10 — From "why is this happening to me" to "what am I going to do with this"22:01 — Can failure be fate? 23:59 — The missed train on the way to a lecture about failure 25:22 — "You don't have to do it alone" 26:22 — Was your worst mistake destined? 28:41 — The responsibility to respond 44:23 — Why letting your kids fail at small things is an act of love45:59 — When the suffering isn't your fault at all46:00 — The rabbi of the Warsaw Ghetto, what he wrote in his final year48:50 — "G-d is right next to us, crying" 50:50 — What it means to not be alone in your pain52:37 — "Hashem believes in you. So you need to believe in yourself."