You Are Your Scariest Bully (And That’s Great News)

Posted from a sun-drenched bedroom in Foix, in the Pyrenees — this one might make you say “oh, f**k off, Emma.” That’s okay. Stay with me.You are your scariest bully.And here’s why that’s actually the best news you’ve received all week.When we fear criticism from others, what we’re really afraid of is that we’ll believe it — and then turn it on ourselves. Our brain doesn’t know the attacking voice is coming from inside the house. It just feels under threat. And when we’re under threat, we close down. We stop learning. We stop adapting. We stop going after the thing.So if you’ve been wondering why it feels so hard to start the business, have the conversation, ask for the relationship you want, put yourself out there — it might not be fear of them. It might be fear of what you’ll do to yourself if it doesn’t go perfectly.I also share in this episode:* The kinked hosepipe metaphor (your creativity and spontaneous ideas are in there — they just need the kink released)* The kid in the dinosaur costume test — a brilliantly useful way to know whether criticism is worth sitting with or completely irrelevant* Why the things you most admire in other people are also already in you* How I asked for the relationship I wanted, got a no, and why it was one of the most liberating moments of my life* What “befriending the bully” actually looks like in a real moment of fear (hint: it involves sitting on a kitchen floor with a dog)The answer to “how long will this take?” is: as long as you resist self-compassion.Which means the moment you choose it, things can shift. Fast.🧭 Want to use these tools in real time?I’m running a free live workshop this Friday — 14 spaces left (one of you’s already grabbed yours, hello 👋).I’ll be teaching the SovReina Compass — my most up-to-date method for using self-compassion as a practical navigation system, not just a nice idea.This is intimate by design.Stop Building Someone Else’s Dream. From Should to Want: A Workshop on Building the Life You Actually Desire with 1:1 Coaching Sessions💬 Working with me 1:1I only ever take on two new clients per month, — so I can show up fully: WhatsApp voice notes, deep dives, real partnership.If that’s calling to you, I’ll be sharing more about it on the Friday call or hit reply with the word SUNSHINE and we can schedule a conversation before!See you there. And if it isn’t sunny where you are — it’s coming. I promise. 🌞 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit emmalavelleco.substack.com/subscribe