You Didn't Choose Your Attachment Style, but Here's How You Can Change It - With Jessica Baum

Most people think their relationship problems are about the other person. They're not — they're about an 18-month-old version of you who learned the only way to survive. In this episode, psychotherapist Jessica Baum breaks down why your nervous system is still running a programme it wrote in infancy. Attachment styles — secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganised — aren't personality quirks. They're adaptive strategies your brain built when connection was a matter of survival. The anxious person who chases, the avoidant who disappears, the couple stuck in a loop they can't explain — it all traces back to the same source: early experiences that taught your body what to expect from closeness. Understanding that isn't just interesting. It's the beginning of actually changing it. Your attachment style isn't fixed — it shifts depending on who you're with Co-regulation isn't neediness — it's how the nervous system was designed to heal The goal isn't independence. It's interdependence — being whole and connected If your relationships keep following the same painful script, this episode is where you start rewriting it. SPONSORS 👨‍💻 ⁠NordLayer⁠ Security across your business 10% off: GROWTHMINDSET-10 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://nordlayer.com/growthmindset⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ☺️ ⁠NOCD⁠ Struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help Book a free 15 min call ⁠https://learn.nocd.com/growthmindset⁠ NEW SHOW - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠How to Change the World: The History and Future of Innovation⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn about the evolving story of the human species and our ideas told in chronological order. Found on all major podcast players: Spotify - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1Fj3eFjEoAEKF5lWQxPJyT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Apple - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-change-the-world-the-history-of-innovation/id1815282649⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- UPGRADE to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Premium⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: 🏖️ Ad-free listening 🤘 Support the show 🔓 Exclusive AMAs and bonus content ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠GrowthMindset.Supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Growth Mindset Psychology: Sam Webster explores the psychology of happiness, satisfaction, purpose, and growth through the lens of self-improvement. 📺 Watch - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube (Growth Mindset)⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🛜 Website - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Growth Mindset⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📧 Email - GrowthMindsetPodcast (@) gmail.com CHAPTERS 00:00 What Are Attachment Styles?01:55 The Origins of Attachment Theory05:39 Metacognition and Belief Systems in Development08:14 How to Intervene on Your Own Attachment Patterns12:10 Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation15:21 Codependency vs Interdependency19:14 Mirror Neurons and Attunement23:05 Cultural Impacts on Attachment24:56 Attachment Styles — Bug or Evolutionary Feature?28:24 Signs You Need to Explore Your Attachment Style29:54 Gender Differences in Attachment32:03 Narcissism, Borderline, and Attachment Wounds33:50 How to Help a Couple Heal Attachment Issues34:58 The Imago Dialogue Explained37:35 Expectations in Attachment Therapy38:43 What Else Causes Relationship Problems?40:07 Boundaries and Implicit Memory41:46 Neuroception and Building Awareness44:00 Closing Thoughts and Resources44:49 Earliest Memories45:20 The Kindest Thing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices