brought to you by the Every Dollar App. Start budgeting for free today. Okay, well here's my situation. I started my job at 19 and I invested in the 401k that the company has and I married my husband when I was in my late 30s.
Now I'm in my early 50s. My mom wants to downsize but I want to buy her a house so she could free up the equity in her house and be able to retire because she's in her mid 70s. And I want to do it to where I want to pull it out of my 401k and buy this. But I also want to not stir up problems with my current husband because he's financially selfish.
He likes to spend the money. He doesn't, I asked if she can move in with us. He said, no, I said let's go find another house big enough for all of this. He said, no, I said then fine, I'm going to buy a house for her.
He said, no. And I really want to do this for her so she can retire with her. She could retire. I don't want her to have to work for the rest of her life.
So I want to know how I can do this. If I can pull money from my 401k, put it into her trust and then buy the house through her trust so it's protected. So that would hate for something to happen to me and then him kick her out of a home that I purchased for. You're not dysfunctional, this sounds?
It's so dysfunctional. He has so many red flags. And I can't do anything because I'm in love with his children because I don't have any children. I'm in love with his children and his grandchildren.
So that's where we're at. All right, well, I think what you're trying to accomplish is noble, how you're trying to accomplish it is whacked. Hey, it's George. That's right.
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How you're trying to accomplish it is whacked. Yeah, I know. OK. So number one, if you pull money out your 401K and you're in your 50s, you're going to pay a 10% penalty plus your tax rate.
So it's going to be like borrowing money at 35% interest. No, that would be stupid. We're not doing that. Not borrowing money.
You wouldn't get a mortgage at 35% interest for it to buy your arm of house. That's dumb. Yeah. OK, so you're not doing that.
That's your husband's smart. That's not being selfish. It is possible that he doesn't want to her to live with you because he doesn't like her. Yeah, that's true.
That's not necessarily being selfish. It's just having good boundaries. Yeah. I mean, I like Winston Cruz.
Rachel's husband a lot, but I don't think he would let me live with them. Yeah. I would like to dad the best for her. Yeah, no, I get it.
I mean, that's OK. That's OK. That doesn't make your husband evil. And the self-is-rights, right?
Yeah. Right off the bat. There's a possible other scenarios. And the other thing you don't want to do is you don't want to be deceptive with your spouse.
That's not ever going to lead to a positive situation, right? That's going to end up in an end up in an anxious, particularly on a huge purchase. Yeah. OK?
So her home is worth what? She could probably sell it for, I don't know, 280, 7300. And it's paid for? No, it's not.
She, yeah. What does she owe? 80,000. OK, so she could get a couple of hundred grand to go do something with if she downsides.
Instead, you were wanting her to invest that to live on. How old is your mom? 72. OK.
Is she still working? Yes. OK. And she's taking Social Security probably.
Yes, not much though. My dad, we they own businesses my entire life. And so he didn't think to pay in for her, but he made sure to pay in for himself. OK.
Manimally, I don't know. I'm a little speechless. I'm not going to lie. It is.
Well, and I just, I'm like, I'm just concerns for the health of obviously your marriage, but just your, just your enjoyment of life. I'm like, you know, when you're in a situation that you feel, it sounds like you're saying in because of his kids and you love his kids, even though you could still have a relationship with them, even if this marriage didn't work. I don't want that. I want you to divorce him, but I do want to see that part of your life healed.
The proper answer. The way you presented was he said, no, he said, no, he said, no, that's not a proper. He doesn't even want to mow her yard. He'll go and mow his 90 year old father's line, but he won't mow hers.
So that's irrelevant to the discussion. OK. I might not want to mow her yard either. She might be champion.
Yeah, that's true. You know, there may be legitimate reasons for that too. So but aside from that, the he is possible that he's looking at and saying, OK, moving in, he may have done a good job explaining why he said no, or you're not giving us that information, one of the two, but he may have said, no, I don't want to live with this. I don't think that that's going to go well relationally.
She and I don't get along very well. That's a good reason for a no. No, I don't think you ought to buy her a house coming out of your 401k. And by the way, Emily, I just told you that.
OK, I told you why, but I also told you no. And so, you know, I could be painted with the same brush after this call. So, you know, I'm going to go back to what Rachel said. I'm going to go back to let's start solving this within the framework of a positive relationship in a marriage, a positive way to approach the relationship in the marriage.
Honey, this really means a lot to me. I understand you don't want to live with us. I understand that. OK, that's fair.
Tell me. I understand you don't want me to take the money on the 401k and Dave explained to me that it's a huge cost. And so now I understand why you don't want to do that. But this is very important to me.
And I do have some money here and, you know, help me figure out a way to do this. And instead of like, I'm going to hide this. And I'm going to put it in a trust where he can't do something about it later. If you're going to do all that crap, you should be divorced.
Yeah, well, you're just I mean, you're enemies at that point. I mean, there's nothing about you're working together. It's just, I don't know. And my question would be too, I mean, they may not even have the money to go.
Yeah, I mean, the only way you're able to is to catch up. That's a possibility to me. Sharon, I want to do something. You may want to do something I want to do and says, no, we don't have the money.
Yes. Without cashing in a 401k and getting nudged. And no, I don't want Dave living with us. And that's OK.
I mean, these are good. That's that's all fair. That's a little bit of what I'm like. I'm trying to discern to help Emily because she's obviously when that called.
Yeah, I wanted it. But I feel like everything that was said, I am more to him. I'm like, yeah, there's something here. Now, granted, we want to help help your parents and there's a level of honoring them that is wonderful.
So I want to get to the root of why their relationship is so terrible, right? If Winston and Mom had a terrible relationship, you know, there's something. You're going to have a hard time talking with someone giving money, then. Yeah.
Right. So I don't know. Yeah, I would not do your playannomally. Say that much.
I didn't hear a way for you to do this. I can't help you with this. What I will tell you is if I were in your shoes, I would work on working with your husband and finding a way to do it by him understanding this is very important to you. Create your free every dollar budget today, the simplest way to budget for your life.