You Thought Motherhood Would Heal You

I thought motherhood would heal me.Or at least make me strong enough to finally leave behind the parts of myself I felt most ashamed of.When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, after being told my body may have been too damaged from my eating disorder to carry a child, I felt awe, gratitude, and something that felt like a promise:By the time this baby is born, I will be healed.I thought loving my children would be enough to crowd out the eating disorder voice.But motherhood did not erase the wounds I carried.In many ways, it revealed the places that still needed care.In this episode, I’m sharing more personally about pregnancy, postpartum body changes, identity loss, the shame of still struggling as a mother, and the painful paradox of loving our children deeply while still longing for the familiar relief of eating disorder behaviors.This is for the mother who has wondered:I’m a mom now. Why is this still here?You are not broken because motherhood did not cure you.You are not a bad mother because recovery is still unfolding.And your children were never meant to be responsible for healing the wounds you carried before they were born.In this episode, we’ll gently explore:- why motherhood can make eating disorder recovery feel louder- the shame many mothers carry when love does not “fix” the struggle- how eating disorder behaviors can function like an old survival strategy- why self-compassion matters in the messy middle- one gentle question to ask when motherhood activates old woundsReflection question:Where has motherhood made recovery feel louder for you?And instead of asking, What is wrong with me? — what would it be like to ask:What part of me is asking to be mothered here?If this is a place where you’ve felt alone, I’d love to invite you to Lift the Shame, my free monthly support group for mothers and moms-to-be in eating disorder recovery.You do not have to carry this overlap alone. Get full access to Lift The Shame: The Column at crystalkarges.substack.com/subscribe