Your Family Is A Co-Creation

Your family is a co-creation. I talk a lot about the mother’s responsibility for setting the tone and values of the family, but ultimately the family is a co-creation between all family members.A family is an ecosystem. From the inner nuclear family stretching to all the humans that you spend any amount of time with. It’s all part of a massive web of relationships you are in a co-creative interdependence with. The mother is at the center of each family because she sets the tone for the beingness of the family. She holds the access to the most life force. She is the energetic force that feeds the family. A full woman at the center radiates fullness, well being, health, and generosity out into her family,  ecosystem and the world. A fully fed woman cannot help but overflow in gifts, it’s just natural.A ripe cherry tree needs her fruit to be picked. An abundant garden gives food. A full woman is no different; she simply must serve and create. It is what feels best to her. The scarcity, tightness, resentment, depletion, and coldness from a woman comes when a part of her is not full. When a part of her has not been attuned to, appreciated, tended to, or fed. The parts of ourselves we have locked away in the dark dungeons of our beings, the parts we’ve deemed unloveable, toxic, gross, bad, disgusting, etc are the parts that have been shut away for so long they have twisted and gnarled themselves. They do need air one way or another and they will get it by fitting through whatever hole in the walls they can, contorting themselves into angry, mean, rage full beasts. Think the Catholic Church and the abominable sexual appetites of “celibate” priests. Sex is a biological need. It will get met one way or another.  If sexual development is coupled with shame and punishment; it results people who associate sex with shameful acts, that deserve punishment. You are not you when you are starving. There are some exceptions here when it comes to things like entities and voices of authority figures that were programmed-in to your inner landscape when you were younger, but today I am really talking about the little parts of yourself. The parts that are wounded and slower and don’t always fit into societal ideals.  The more you come to fully inhabit your own body and integrate your wounded selves, the less these other things are able to take up residence in you.A full woman serves her family and a full woman’s family serves her fullness. It’s a perfect circle of nourishment. The people we choose to build our ecosystems with are the people we are choosing to co-create our lives with. This is no small task. It is no small thing. I am not writing this to encourage you to go find better people to co-create with. No! What I am truly trying to impart here is that you are already co-creating. Right. Now. You’re doing it. You’ve chosen the people you are currently co-creating with for a reason. What is that reason? What are you truly co-creating? Is there something you need to get honest and sober with?Do you need to step outside your little self for a moment and remember why you are here? As a human? On this planet? Sean and I have been committed to a daily 10 minutes of connection practice. Most days we do eye gazing, but others we give each other massages, or have connected sex, or just snuggle. It sounds simple, but it has been confronting. Sean and I have been deeply committed to staying connected throughout these early years of raising our girls, but this 10 minutes of true, dropped in connection every day has me really seeing how much I prefer to stay on the surface. How much easier it is to stay in the places where I can be victimized, resentful, annoyed, judgmental, of him and his behavior or just generally how “hard” my life is. I notice how much I want something to blame other than myself for the uncomfortable sensations in my body. Most days I feel slightly resistant to the 10 minutes of connection. It takes a lot of holding of my younger, more wounded parts from my adult Woman to willingly engage and open to Sean for these 10 minutes. Most of the days; when I do open, I touch this well of grief and just end up crying. It’s not what I had expected when we took on this practice. I had expected it to be a little sexier than moving through a lot of resistance to just sitting still together and then staring at each other with tears running down my face. However, two months in, with a lot of commitment to the practice and to really working with what comes up as a result, I have found myself melting away the crunchy bits and starting to really feel this beautiful, juicy, warm fertile place between us. Beneath all my surface level defiance of opening to Sean, when I do open, there is a nectar, a life giving elixir, that feeds us both. When we come together and I open and this amrita, drink of the gods, starts flowing between us. I am whooshed right out of the surface level resentments and stories, and into the abundant and vast landscape of co-creation. The true meaning of life and divine Union of two souls who love each other is so obvious in this spot where I am full and Sean is full and our family is aligned with Truth: and that is, to be here, together, having this exact experience. All these small stories we get stuck in and hijacked by are just not even remotely close to the reason we are here doing life together. They are truly a speck of dust in the limitless space of co-creation. The fact that we have these incredible physical, third dimensional bodies that can touch, kiss, and manifest together is IT. Our souls are so happy to be here. They chose this. Every. Single. Detail. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And the only way to access this spot is through opening and letting Life flow through you. And for a woman to do that, fullness helps. Fullness helps a lot. I’m not sure you can do it without being full. Attending to our wounded and starving parts is necessary. You cannot access the conscious co-creation space without feeding all parts of yourself. When we are attuned to ourselves and our needs and we meet our own needs willingly and with as much grace and love as possible; we don’t have wounded little ones pulling at and siphoning away our life force. If I could sum this all up in three steps:First step: feed and care for all parts of yourself. Come back into your body, all the way. Inhabit your body, all the way to its edges. Second step: open, serve, give, connect. Third step: conscious co-creation with Life and your family. Creation is truly what we came here for. And we will always be doing it unconsciously or consciously. What do you need to choose conscious co-creation in your family? What is the very next, tiny, baby step you can take, today? If this calls you, I would like to invite you to the Mother’s Day HOME BODY practice this Sunday, 9-11am PST. Come into the field of body intimacy and reverence with us and practice listening to what is here for you. Buy tickets here. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit clarabelize.substack.com/subscribe