Your Goals Aren't Yours—That's Why They Don't Stick (ACT for Lasting Change)

What if your New Year's resolutions keep failing because they were never really yours to begin with? Most goals we set aren't chosen—they're inherited from magazines, social media, parents, or that version of ourselves we think we're supposed to become. That's why they don't stick. In this episode, Tony shares his decades-long "pushup obsession" and how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) finally broke the cycle—not through more discipline, but by discovering what actually mattered to him. What you'll learn: - Why "socially compliant goals" sabotage your motivation before you even start - The crucial difference between values (your compass) and goals (checkboxes)—and why confusing them keeps you stuck - How to use lead measures instead of lag measures to build sustainable change - The "Passengers on the Bus" technique for moving forward even when self-doubt is loud - A simple 5-step "Get Back on the Saddle" plan for when you inevitably wobble With over 20 years of clinical experience, Tony explains why you're not broken—you're human—and offers a framework for building a life that actually feels like yours. Ready to stop beating yourself up and start driving toward what matters? This might be the last resolution episode you'll ever need. 00:00 Introduction: Are Your Goals Really Yours? 00:44 Meet Tony Overbay: Your Guide to Self-Improvement 01:57 The New Year's Resolution Dilemma 04:03 The Pushup Story: A Lesson in Values 12:34 Understanding Socially Compliant Goals 15:04 Experiential Avoidance: The Trap of Avoiding Discomfort 20:26 Lag Measures vs. Lead Measures: The Key to Achieving Goals 27:28 Values vs. Goals: The Core of Sustainable Change 38:52 Perceived Value vs. Perceived Capability 40:57 Understanding Perceived Capability and Value 41:46 Corporate America and Disengagement 42:50 New Year's Resolutions and Motivation 46:18 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) vs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) 54:47 The Power of ACT in Therapy 01:00:58 Practical Steps for Getting Back on Track 01:06:05 Embracing Emotions and Moving Forward 01:08:01 Conclusion: Driving the Bus Towards What Matters Contact Tony at [email protected] to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group. And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line. To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com