You’ve Got Snail!

One day you’re just lounging on the couch, watching the 1977 animated version of The Hobbit, eating raw mushrooms from a brown paper bag. The next, you’re renting an apartment in a literal mossy cave and your roommate is a giant African land snail that’s always late on its rent. Folks, it’s a slippery slope into the goblincore lifestyle, because that slope is muddy as fuck and if you fall down you just keep sliding until you splash into the old troll’s pond, but watch out because he’s a mean-ass troll and he’ll turn you into a sheep if he catches you.